Delicias sexuales

When I was 9, about the time this movie came out, I spent a lot of time at the neighborhood pool. While checking out some local hardbodies and doing cannonballs, I overheard some goofball saying to his friends, "You know what 'hardbodies' means? Good Sex." I didn't believe it then, and I don't believe it now. I had often seen the VHS case for the original "Hardbodies" in the video store, and I had always understood, mainly from the information given by this video cover, what "Hardbodies" meant.That being a collection of sunny, beach side scenes of young, firm, hot, easy girls in bikinis --and the dorks they were involved with. I never actually saw the movie.

Tonight, Encore Love played Hardbodies 2, and with nothing else remotely interesting to do, I put it on the TV whilst surfing the net. This movie is, in fact, despite what the first commentator claims, "a typical jiggle and giggle fest from the 80's." But that's not a bad thing. This is perfect summer fodder, it's straight to video schlock that you wouldn't pay 5$ for the DVD of, but as a late night cable movie, it works on the most repulsive level: it's only a notch above LCD, and at that only because it features sunny beach side scenes of young, firm, hot, easy girls in bikinis--and out of them. Whatever.

It does feature the girl who played the foreign exchange student in "Summer School", Fabiana Udenio. She gets quit a bit of screen time in this one, as the female lead/ romantic interest. She does well, given the script, but her accent and her latina hotness land the type-cast role. Her boobs are not featured, unfortunately.

Anyway, it's better than Weekend at Bernie's(1989), though nowhere near it's contemporary, Savage Steve Holland's One Crazy Summer(1986). I can't believe I just wasted ten minutes of my life writing this.

But it doesn't try to be. If you judge it in relationship to it's genre (coming-of-age teen nudie flick) it's - not bad. Bare bones plot and no characters worth remembering, but attractive models (they don't act enough to call them actresses) and a lack of false pretension or nudge-nudge-wink-wink sensuality make this worth a $1 or less rental fee. It's a guilty pleasure, like Moon Pies and cheesecake.

Pointless movie about making a movie. No where near the flesh shown in the original, which was quite enjoyable and even had fun music. Not here.

It's always fun seeing the Pathmark guy though.

I normally consider myself a bit of a tough guy when it comes to enduring bad movies. Somewhat in the way alcoholics build up a tolerance to hard liquor, I have a thick skin against terrible cinema provided there are at least a few redeeming moments. Inspired by nostalgia for late night cable TV, the only way to see nudity and real debauchery as a kid in the '80s, I decided to watch this wreck on an ultra cheap DVD. But it hit me a Mike Tyson (circa 1987) uppercut. I couldn't watch all of it. It's THAT bad. And I can enjoy basically any CANNON GROUP production (horrid cheeseball '80s action producers) ever made! A much better movie that accomplishes somewhat of what they were trying to do here is Summer Lovers featuring a very young Daryl Hannah. Or the original and much better Harbodies.

The entire premise of these '80s airhead summer teen sex movies is naked flesh, but at least some of them had a certain level of comedy or sexiness. But nothing here is funny, or particularly sexy. Brenda Bakke is absolutely stunning, but no one gets to do anything worthwhile because the movie is a failure from start to finish. I guess simply admiring her beauty is worth something (and most starlets did not have fake body parts back then, which is very refreshing). But overall, life is too short to watch movies like this. Or review them. Hey wait.....I just wasted.....uhh THE END.

Hardbodies 2 was a bad idea. A sequel to a movie that's really not a sequel. Huh? I felt just like the audience. But I have to mention that Brenda Bakke is really hot. If you must, watch the first half hour and forget the rest. Stupid movie with bad clueless actors, boring direction and lame dialogue. Skip this movie unless you're a die hard Brenda Bakke fan. For masochists only D+