Witchtrap

This comes across as so amateurish it's amazing it got made. The script is lazy and naive, the acting is by numbers. Gratuitous nudity adds nothing. Yet... somehow... it's almost impossible to turn off. Maybe you just end up wanting to see justice done, and nobody makes it out alive. Meh!

Lauterhouse, affectionately referred to as "slaughterhouse" by its owner Devin Lauter (played by the director, who should have stayed hidden behind the camera!), is a big SoCal mansion on a secluded plot of prime real estate. Devin wants it converted over to a bed and breakfast, but the sadistic ghost of his late uncle, a former stage magician, keeps killing off whoever enters.

Paranormal researcher Agnes Goldberg (Judy Tatum) is hired to photograph and exorcise the ghost and organizes a team of paranormal experts that include her "mental medium" husband Felix (Rob Zapple), "psychic medium" Whitney O'Shay (Kathleen Bailey) and sexy video-tech Ginger Kowowski (Linnea Quigley), plus three low-grade rent-a-cops for protection. Naturally, things don't go as planned when Uncle Avery (J.P. Leubsen, the creepy guy from WITCHBOARD) starts to use his powers to kill everyone off.

Looking for some of the worst amateur acting and dialogue ever to hit the small screen? Then look no further! Tatum and Bailey are so monotone they make Ben Stein look like Laurence Olivier! Other highlights include a showerhead impaling a neck, a black character who threatens, "I'll tapdance on your face like Bojangles Robinson!," a pudgy voyeur groundskeeper, an exploding head, blood that looks suspiciously like Cherry Kool-Aid, Tenney's trademark AWFUL wisecracks, Linnea in the shower, a possession, a human meltdown and much, much more. It's all delirious fun. I laughed a lot while watching it. In fact, every time I see this for sale, I pick up a copy to give to one of my friends as a gag gift.

I would rate this a 9 for laughs and entertainment value and I give it some credit because the plot is actually competent even if much of the dialogue is not, but going by craftsmanship, it's a generous 3 out 10.

This is not a sequel to WITCHBOARD. It's written and directed by Kevin S. Tenney, the director of WITCHBOARD. In fact, on the VHS copy I purchased, there's a notice on the back declaring WITCHTRAP a non-sequel. It's also, included, no kidding, as a notice right before the title sequence for WITCHTRAP. I guess Tenney was threatened with a lawsuit? Was Witchboard that successful that he'd be hassled about his obvious sequel to it? Also, on the packaging is the tag-line, "This time, it's not a game." So, what was the "last" time? WITCHBOARD, maybe? Sequel, perhaps? Please see disclaimer.

Anyway, I picked WITCHTRAP up, amongst other gems, at a local library sale for a whopping 50 cents. It was a rental from a now defunct video store called Top Video. Pretty beat up copy, and I usually prefer to stay away from rentals, but couldn't resist, plus it had Linnea Quigley in it. How bad could it be? Pretty bad, actually. The acting is quite awful. It helped that they drove around in vintage 1980s cars, wore Members Only jackets and sported the latest hairstyles. However, the people driving the cars, and sporting the funky clothes, couldn't cut it as performers. It's about the level of porn acting, maybe a little bit better and I suppose, the guy playing the detective, James Quinn, was okay, sometimes, but that's about it. Quigley, doesn't have much of a part and does what she's hired to do. She has a shower scene and she appears to be laughing when she gets killed.

The premise of the film is fairly typical for this genre. A man named Devin Lauter inherits a mansion from his long deceased uncle, Avery Lauter. Avery, it seems was some kind of warlock or other, and died brutally in the home and, naturally, possesses the place and kills erstwhile inhabitants. That's why the nephew, Devin, hires a crack team of paranormal experts and some detectives, for security, to figure the place out. Of course, once they arrive things go horribly wrong. If only they had gone horribly wrong in any kind of an interesting way. The pacing is very slow and the gruesome deaths aren't very gruesome. Flying hatchets were never that scary to begin with, and WITCHTRAP proves that they still aren't.

There is, however, a certain production value to WITCHTRAP. The pacing sucks but the editing and camera work is clearly professional. In fact, there were a couple of things I thought were kind of neat, here and there, like a scene where some hands come through a door. But, believe me, those moments were few and far between. And, by professional, I mean they had some money behind it, so it's watchable, unlike, say, a lot of the stuff from Full Moon video. I have to also say, that compared to a lot of direct to video digital cheapies I've seen in recent years, some of these ultra low budget filmmakers could learn a thing or two from WITCHTRAP. Unfortunately, that has more to do with how bad some current filmmakers are then any particular quality WITCHTRAP has. Again, there is some technical competence in the film but, unfortunately, not enough to redeem it.

Almost twenty years on, it's a bit tricky to consider recommending WITCHTRAP. There's no arguing that it's a pretty bad film. It fails on some of the most fundamental levels consistently enough to irritate just about anyone interested in these types of films. The gratuitous nudity is pretty uninspired, as is the violence, and the poor acting exceeds camp into just plain awful.

Still, if you're a connoisseur of 80s horror, if there is such a thing, you might be able to tolerate the bad film-making. Linnea Quigley is in it, after all and that helps. It also helps that it is so dated. If you grew up in this era, nostalgia might get you through.

So, if you see it for 50 cents, or maybe a dollar, and need something to play in the background as you do other things, WITCHTRAP just might be up your alley. Otherwise, you're better off with almost anything else.

Kevin Tenney directed two respectable horror films (WITCHBOARD and NIGHT OF THE DEMONS) prior to this, which confuses me. Neither of the two prior flicks were masterpieces, but they were competently made with fairly good actors and a veneer of professionalism, which makes this cinematic millstone a giant question mark. One would think that Tenney had a handle on how to do things like create atmosphere, rising action and suspense, elicit good performances out of his actors, etc. Nuh-uh. With this movie, Tenney seems to have had a cinematic aneurysm, losing any sense of how to make a professional, polished product.

While the movie doesn't suffer from technical ineptness, there's an amateur quality to the whole thing that makes it feel almost like a 1970s drive-in movie. Oddball camera angles (the opening scene could make you seasick--watch it and you'll know what I mean), stiff or non-professional acting, lengthy exposition dumps, and dialogue that is in turns wooden or ingratiatingly cute, and little action until the third act all make for an annoying viewing experience. Still, it can be charming if you're in the right mood. Linnea Quigley is the only name actor I could spot, and her nude scene was a blessing in the midst of all this mediocrity. The actresses playing the psychic investigator and physical medium both came off to me as non-professional or poorly trained (the investigator in particular desperately needed some vocal or dialect training--her accent was annoying). The actors playing the two cops-for-hire were ok, but the constant one-liners they delivered got irritating pretty quick. The movie picked up steam near the end with some better than average special effects (which is probably where most of the budget went), which was a welcome relief from all the tedious exposition. Lovers of bad movies might want to try this one, but all others would do well to select something else to watch on Tubi.

This triffle of a film, gives new meaning to the word bad. Bad direction, bad script, bad editing, bad special effects, bad acting, everything about this film is bad. No redeeming features what-so-ever (some might argue, saying Quigley naked is always good, but you can always rent any of her other films.). One of the absolute worst films of all time. Not even good for a couple of laughs and not good in a cheesy way. Avoid it. 1 out of 10.