Polizonte diabólico

This film virtually evades falling into any type of horror genre you could think of: it's part sci-fi, part slasher, part comedy!!!

A fluffy house cat escapes from some random laboratory and is adopted by two bimbos who've been invited to cruise down to the Bahamas with mobster Alex Cord and take the cat with them for good luck. Said kitty has some kind of rat-bat thing living inside it that emerges when kitty gets pi***ed off and then shreds anyone who comes too close - including henchmen George Kennedy and Clu Gulager!

It's pretty funny stuff with a typical sequel-friendly ending (that was thankfully never taken up) and some really cheesy moments. Only for the voyeurs of crap cinema. I kinda liked it.

Uninvited must surely rank as one of the baddest movies ever made. And in the same time it's also one of the most entertaining Horror/ Or-whatever-you-wanna-call-it-movie. Everything that can go wrong will go wrong. it simply has everything. A small orange cat which has a monster inside, very bad special effects (Small toy boats, handpuppets, badly coloured blood to name a few. And then there's of course the bad acting, very ridiculous storyline and so forth. Still it's entertainment value is just over the edge. So all in all this movie mixed with a bad hangover, some beers and good friends, it's an unforgettable experience. 5 out of 6 stars..

I had heard about this film from a group on Facebook that posts strange movies like this one. I had never heard of this killer cat movie featuring stars George Kennedy and Clu Culager; granted, Clu puts on one of the goofiest performances of his career and he seems to be disguising himself too as he probably isn't proud of this one. My thinking is they were going for a Return of the Living Dead type thing mixing humor and horror with a sprinkling of old and up and coming stars or something, but it fails as it is not humorous and the horror is too tame as they went for a PG-13 rating. It also featured a rather insane premise.

The story has a kitty escaping a research facility, it harbors something sinister within! Meanwhile, some gangster type dudes are doing there thing and they need to get somewhere on their boat. Teens wanting to party want to go on the cool boat and the main mobster type wants the girls there, but he did not count on the girls, but he needs to get out fast so he uses the teens as his crew. The girls flirt with the guy and make it like they are interested, so we all know what the mob guy thinks; however, the kitty slips aboard too and soon reveals itself to be a killer! Well, they did show it killing earlier so no surprise there.

The premise of a killer kitty is kind of laughable, but this film takes it the extra mile as the cat is just a regular cat; no, the killer kitty is within the regular kitty and comes out and kills! It is poisonous too, so you have a cat that has another killer cat inside that can kill with its bite! Apparently, the makers of this film were on some drugs and this sounded really good in their heads.

So, the film is worth a watch if just for the insane premise and to riff on. Poor George does not look like he wants to be in this film and I cannot say I blame him. Clu hams it up, but probably had a bit more fun with the role. I did not care for any of the teens and was not exactly rooting for them or the mob guy. I was firmly in the cat's corner. So, if you want to see a film that has a cat that has a killer cat in it, this is your film! I am also pretty sure this is the only film that has that premise...

As victim of horrific nuclear experiments a common house-cat mutates into a flesh-eating monster whilst maintaining its benign exterior form. It escapes into the wild - Fort Lauderdale, Florida during Spring Break. Having killed multiple people along the way it is discovered and adopted by flighty young airhead Suzanne (Shattuck) who is headed for a yacht excursion with her friends.

The yacht is owned by lecherous opportunist and Wall Street crook Walter Graham (Cord). His thug associates - drunken imbecile Albert (Gulager) and crude misanthrope Mike (Kennedy) are with him. As the authorities close in Graham elects to alter the course of the boat away from the coast and toward the Cayman Islands where he has stashed his ill-begotten assets. The college kids go along as crew.

While the kitty-cat gets into mischief a distracted Walter puts the moves on each of the younger women on board. The cat very efficiently sabotages the boat and preys on its passengers infecting them with his bites while eating them.

This howler of a low-budget direct-to-video turkey has some of the worst acting performances in history. By the final third of the film it becomes a highlight of appalling reaction shots and forced line delivery. Before that the audience is witness to the rampage of an obvious hand-puppet portraying the title monster.

The ponderous editing and other post-production miscues are enough in and of themselves to thoroughly embarrass some pretty gifted and respected actors in the cast (Kennedy, Cord, Gulager and Carey). Likely they also served to thoroughly embarrass some not so gifted or respected actors in the cast (Hudson, Estes and Shattuck).

A really contrived set of circumstances leaves a group of fun-seeking Fort Lauderdale spring breakers stranded at sea on a luxury yacht with some desperate criminals and a mutated killer cat for company.

Uninvited is, to be completely honest, a total mess of a movie, with a ridiculous set-up, an incredibly unconvincing monster, and moments of utter tedium. On the flip side, it frequently enters 'so bad, it's good' territory, features a pair of extremely hot '80s babes (Clare Carey and Shari Shattuck, who spend most of their time in skimpy bikinis), and chucks in some reasonable gore (including some nifty 'erupting veins' bladder effects), making it one not to miss for fans of Z-grade trashy schlock.

Try not to laugh whenever the moth-eaten moggie hand puppet barfs up a rubber parasitic mutant twice its size!! Marvel as buff beauty Bobbie (Carey) performs an unenthusiastic aerobics routine!! And wonder in incredulity at how Oscar winner George Kennedy wound up appearing in such tacky crud.

4.5 out of 10, generously rounded up to 5 for Clu Gulager's goofy teeth and bottle glasses, and that really bad sinking model yacht at the end.