Top Line

Everybody with even the slightest interest in cult/exploitation cinema knows that the Italians were true masters of imitation. During the 70s, and especially during the 80s, they joyfully copied premises and ideas of popular Hollywood blockbusters and released them as blatant and shameless rip-offs, although usually with more action, more absurd plot twists, more extravagant characters and much more sleaze. Literally every Hollywood classic that scored big at the box office received several Italian imitations. This "Top Line" presumably holds the world record of stealing ideas from the largest number of US-blockbusters in one and the same script, as it contains story elements of "Raiders of the Lost Ark", "Cocoon", "Romancing the Stone", "The Terminator", "Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom", "E. T.", and probably even a few others I'm overlooking. I just wished it was as much fun as it sounds, though...

Franco Nero is one of the biggest and most talented actors to root from Italy, for sure, but the late 80s definitely weren't the best years of his career. Here, he stars as a lowlife author residing in Columbia; - supposedly hunting for ancient treasures but mainly settling for spare chance and free booze leftovers. He, Angelo, does eventually stumble upon a massive discovery, namely a UFO hidden inside an old Spanish galleon (yes, really!). From then onwards, Angelo finds himself pursued by CIA agents, Russian KGB spies, Nazi antique dealers, a cyborg mercenary, and slimy green aliens disguised in the sexy skin of his ex-wife. I honestly don't know how all this ended up in one plot, but I reckon director Nello Rosati and whoever wrote the scripts were experimenting with a lot of drugs at the time.

The problem with "Top Line" is that it looks and sounds like a fun flick, but in reality, it's a downright boring and irritating mess. Like a few other reviewers already righteously stated, the uninteresting parts of the film are incredibly stretched out. The first 15-20 minutes, for instance, contain absolutely nothing of interest, and only feature images of Nero passed out with his head on bar tables and a lot of inaudible dialogs. If you manage to struggle through the first act, what follows next is a thoroughly confusing and incoherent middle-section with some utterly senseless action footage. Suddenly, for example, Nero's character is in the back of pickup truck - amidst boxes full of chickens - and behind the wheel is a drunken Colombian couple that races down a cliff whilst hysterically laughing. They even continue laughing and drinking whilst their truck is being rammed and shot at by one of Angelo's pursuers. What the...? The final act of "Top Line" is amusing, what with the cyborg assassin and the transforming alien, but it's simultaneously the most illogical bunch of nonsense I ever witnessed.

Let's see, is there something else worth mentioning? Oh yeah, the almighty George Kennedy has a small supportive role as a sadist Nazi who enjoys chasing Nero with his car - at a snail's pace - through a field of cactuses. His distinct voice is dubbed, however, which is truly a cinematic crime.

This sadly neglected film from 1988 really deserves more attention from aficionados of so-bad-it's-good movies. It might have been a merely incompetent mash-up of Indiana Jones, Romancing the Stone (mainly realized in a cover image that occurs nowhere in the film)), and The Terminator (no, really).. However, the last half hour is so bad it elevates the film to a higher lower bad movie level. It stars reputable B-list Italian actor Franco Nero and a host of unknowns in a story involves discovery of ancient artifacts in Colombia that indicate extraterrestrial contact. There are a few boobs briefly shown and gore is nearly nonextenet, but it's a good bad movie for the time it was made. I recommend being drunk or high or both before you watch it.

By the late 80s, Italian movie production companies realized they couldn't afford to make even low budget movies without help. The help came from countries willing to offer financial breaks other countries couldnt or wouldnt make. So here is a movie made in Columbia much like the genuine sequel to the original 1966 film Django.

I enjoy this movie more than most late 80s action movies. Franco Nero plays a little unbelievably high functioning alcoholic writer. I suppose he wasn't as much of an alcoholic because he would've dropped dead as early as the cactus chase.

The story is about an unemployed writer who inadvertently stumbles on an alien spacecraft that crashed into a mountain and had been hidden for thousands of years. His discovery leads to his being pursued but it's not clear until the end by who. Russians?, Americans?, aliens? All of the above?

Movie has an alternate title, Alien Terminator and there is a humanoid robot that tries to kill him toward the end but its not enough for a title. I have no clue why this is called Top Line.

Italian action movies do borrow A LOT from other better known movies. The better of these Italian movies blend what they borrow and layer the movie with the influences. This move has a little Alien, Terminator, Indiana Jones, and They Live all mixed in.

George Kennedy drops in for a couple scenes. I imagine he worked for an all expense paid vacation in Central America(why not?). Unlike Franco Nero and William Berger, someone else dubs his lines which further leads me to believe this was a vacation movie. Dubbing is done later in a studio, not convenient.

Anyway, it's not cinematic gold but better than alot of the Italian productions before their studios began going under. They did fall apart not long after the direct to video market exploded and North American movies as cheaply made as this were produced and flooded the market.

This one´s quite original. Italians did not have enough money to make those big movies we all tend to like or at least watch. So they put cheap funny flics like this one together. There are Nazis, Extraterrestrials, Cyborgs, a Spanish gold treasure and of course there´s Franco Nero as the always drunk Soldier of Fortune, who has to pull it all off. As you can see, they didn´t let anything out. And, I think, it works. The FX are cheap but enjoyable, the pacing is fast (it has to be regarding the really dumb plot) and the acting is quite reliable (of course Franco Nero is great as ever and there´s also Hollywood veteran George Kennedy as a Nazi Villain). Director Nello Rossati did the also very enjoyable sequel Django Strikes Again before. A Movie you might check out, too.

This one is beyond awful and boring!! I watched it in fast-forward!! A bunch of rich white people sailing on boats and in offices for about 20 minutes then one guy gets shot at and runs and runs... he runs out in the middle of nowhere and a car tries to run him over. Next he's being healed by his girlfriend (?) and a phone call from a rich woman in her large bubble bath, then a bunch of people sitting around laughing & eating at a restaurant then some more boring office stuff then the military chasing some people then more office stuff -- then finally the last 30 minutes we see the cheesy alien terminator dude. UGH!!! I didn't like this at all! I was hoping for a few giggles and maybe some laugh out loud fun but within 5 minutes I was hitting the fast-forward button and kept waiting to see something interesting to stop and watch but I didn't. All I saw was one long rich people borefest.

1/10