Space Mutiny

Watching "Space Mutiny" is the metaphorical equivalent of drinking cat urine...there's no way it can be any good for you, so why even try?

The special effects in this film are, I'm not kidding now, stock footage from Battlestar Galactica (played backwards, in some cases), or shot on what appears to be low-resolution video using models probably built from discarded "He-Man" toys. Unfortunately, that's about the best thing in the movie.

The acting...my God, the acting...I have NO idea who came up with this dialogue. Reb Brown is ridiculous, John Philip Law is absolutely NOT to be believed, and the rest of the cast, as well as the costumes, look like outtakes from an episode of Buck Rogers! (The second season...the really STINKY one!) The whole damned thing looks vaguely like a fever dream I had as a child after drinking sixteen cans of "Jolt"...and it's equally incomprehensible. My God, they actually announce the arrival of a pirate fleet by having some dope on a microphone say, "This is the pirate fleet...surrender or be turned into astro-dust." I think they shot the whole thing in a brewery with Go-Karts and used the same shot of a hops bin blowing up no less than four times. This movie has to be seen to be believed. I actually bought a copy for three dollars, just so I could show my friends that I was NOT making it up. Run, don't walk, away from this film.

0.0 stars out of a possible five.

Yeah, the film industry is not what is was when Ed Wood was directing, and B-movies don't get released in theaters anymore; but they do get released on video. And we should be glad that they do, at least in the case of Space Mutiny, 'cause it may be the single most unintentionally hilarious movie ever made. Don't believe me? Just take a look at these numbers:

# of times our ostensible "hero" screams in panic: 17

# of jumpsuited extras flung into the air with pneumatic catapults: 14

# of insertions of "Battlestar Galactica" footage: lost count around 40

# of previously seen shots edited in:15

# of times the Enforcers refer to each other as "idiots": 7

# of off-the-shelf glowing balls in the Bellarian scenes: 8

# of times Ryder or Kalgon yells at someone to "MOVE!" or "GO!": 26

# of occasions Kalgon starts laughing for no apparent reason: 18

# of minutes you get to watch grown men trying to kill each other with golf carts: 5

# of railing kills: 24 (may have missed a couple)

Don't pass up a chance to see this; one of these days, someone involved with it is going to get embarrassed enough about it to try and have all the copies destroyed.

Run, don't walk! Use those pneumatic catapults that launch jumpsuited terrorists through the air to escape this drivel. This movie shows just how limiting a small budget and a lack of imagination is. Footage lifted from Battlestar Galactica is edited into something that resembles a story. Can't really tell. There's a large slab of beef walking around that's supposed to be our hero. Santa Claus commands this barge with the help from Sting. His daughter looks like Sheri Lewis gone bad and they fight the evil Calgon! Watch this one on MST and watch for the dead girl who comes back to life and resumes her post on the bridge.

Ah, Space Mutiny, definitely one of the best Mystery Science Theater 3000 episodes, it's one of my favorites personally. I think the reason why this is such a great episode is due to the fact that this film is just so unbelievably bad, you know? I mean these are the kind of movies that you just look at and question constantly how it got green lighted since it's just such an awful film. I'm not just saying bad, I'm saying that there must have been about 5 million things wrong with this movie. There are tons and tons of continuity problems, a woman who dies in one scene, then the next scene she is a noticeable extra that's alive and well. The "hero" of the film has extremely horrible acting qualities, not to mention that he screams like a girl. The "sexy lady" of the story looks like she's in her late fifties and again, her acting is lousy. The "villain" won't stop with this ridiculous laughter. The story itself is just a bad one.

The people in space on the Southern Sun are supposedly happy and looking for a new world to create something new and peaceful. But some apparently have grown impatient, like Calgon(yeah, that's the villain's name, sad, isn't it?) and his "wise" followers. But the leader of the Southern Sun, who looks a lot like Santa Claus, wishes peace, so he assigns Dave Ryder to save the day. Along with Santa's daughter, Lea, she and Dave pretty much have to out maneuver Calgon, just for God's sake, who couldn't? I mean the man's body guard looks like a lobster.

Space Mutiny is just in general a very bad film. I mean Mystery Science Theater 3000 sometimes gets some movies that are not so bad, but Space Mutiny is one of those films that is all around just a bad mistake. I'm not sure if they people who made this movie really looked at it in the editing room and really thought that this was an excellent or decent movie. The acting, the editing, the continuity, THE COSTUMES, the sets, the actors, everything about this movie was just plain bad. The sounds and script was just so laughable. Space Mutiny is not even good enough to be a cult film, the only thing that this film was good for was just the fact that it made one of the best Mystery Science Theater 3000 episodes. But I have to admit that Calgon did blow me away, lol.

1/10

There are so many comments on this, that it seems futile to do one of my own, but I do want to have a footprint of all the movies I see, so here it goes.

This movie is like those Jackie Chan films where the bad oiled hair European guy is laughing maniacally while torturing people and Jackie Chan kicks his ass. But instead of Jackie, you have a blond steroid addict that cries like a girl every time he does something. The action is placed in a big industrial warehouse and from time to time we see space scenes completely stolen from BattleStar Galactica. The commander of the space station looks like Santa, acts like Santa, but doesn't give one present the entire movie. The only special effects are colored beams and explosions. The final scenes show two electric cars colliding and exploding.

This is a truly bad film and it deserves its mark of 2 to put it in the Hall of Awful movies.