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Lady Terminator (1989)

** 1/2 (out of 4)

Indonesian rip-off of the James Cameron has a sea goddess using her "female parts" to cut off "male parts" but one brave man stands up to her, pulls the snake out of her vagina, which then turns into a knife and kills her. She swears vengeance on his great, great granddaughter. Flash-forward one hundred years and the unstoppable killing machine will stop at nothing to get the woman.

LADY TERMINATOR is a really, really awful movie on so many levels but thankfully it's so incredibly nuts that you can't help but have a great time with it. If you're looking for a more quality type of film then this here certainly isn't going to be your cup of tea because everything here is pretty bad from some insane dialogue to the laughable story and lets not even get into some of the various issues with the actual ripping off of the Cameron movie.

It's interesting to note just how much here is actually ripped off. I mean, not only do we get lines like "Come with me if you want to live" but entire sequences are ripped off from the Cameron movie. It's clear that the filmmakers here didn't care and that their end result seemed to be just making sure this movie was more violent than Cameron's. The action scenes here contain all sorts of gunfire and explosions but the amount of blood on display is just great fun for those who enjoy such things. One simple bullet leads to a gallon of blood being sprayed. Not only that but we get some of the weirdest sex scenes that lead to various men's body parts being removed.

If you're looking for great performances then you had better look elsewhere. With that said, Barbara Anne Constable plays the villain and she's actually quite good in the part. Not to mention she offers up a lot of nude scenes to add to the exploitation and we all know that this here is never a bad thing. The dialogue itself is beyond awful and it too gets a lot of laughs. LADY TERMINATOR isn't a movie that was made to win Oscars. It's a crazy, non-stop violent and downright silly rip-off that manages to be quite entertaining.

Well, maybe the Addams Family. Completely, utterly whacked-out combination of cheese, sleaze, gore, sex, blood, explosions, shootouts, hot Asian chicks, mullet-headed stoners driving armored cars, inane dialog, brainless disco songs, guns that never run out of ammunition--all the things that make life worthwhile. Not as polished as your average Hong Kong martial arts / vampire / sorcerer flick, but with just as much if not more energy and sense of fun, intentional or otherwise. An Indonesian evil spirit called the South Seas Queen possesses the body (and not a bad one at that, judging by her frequent and, thankfully, gratuitous nudity) of an attractive Caucasian anthropologist in order to carry out a curse she placed on the great-granddaughter of one of her lovers from 100 years previously, and the possessed hottie, "The Lady Terminator", wipes out half of Jakarta to get at her. No one in their right mind watches movies like this for their story, acting, or comments on the human condition. You watch them to see a lot of shootouts, hot chicks, explosions, hot chicks, gore, hot naked chicks, stupid dialog and hot chicks who get naked while reciting stupid dialog, and this movie delivers all that in spades. "Good" and "bad" don't apply to films like this; they're beyond that kind of simplistic labeling. What they should be judged on is, do they deliver what they promise? And "Lady Terminator" certainly does that and more. You gotta see this one.

Perhaps it's best to describe "LADY TERMINATOR" as one of the whacked-out weirdest, most inept and certainly howl-worthy junk creations to come along since, well, since as long as one can remember.

What starts as a plodding and confusing back story of the curse of a South Seas dragon lady quickly machine-guns, backflips and explodes into a slapdash riff/ripoff/homage on 1984's "THE TERMINATOR" with a dash of voodoo black magic for good measure.

The story? A sultry vacationing anthropologist (actress AND the film's makeup artist Barbara Ann Constable) takes a dip in the sea and comes up for air both possessed AND nude - and ready to blow the hell out of Indonesia. Rendered invulnerable by the said watery witch, our new Lady Terminator is determined to avenge the ages-old curse by gun or by sex, and rack up an impressive (and awfully bloody) body count that puts Arnie's sci-fi original to absolute shame.

The paint-by-number script is lousy in a so-bad-it's-awful way in its collision of actual Indonesian legend and slavish mimicry of James Cameron's breakout action hit. The film's direction is chaotically messy and disjointed, and the performances are awe-inspiringly amateur. To make matters worse (or better) everyone in the film - even the Caucasian actors sprinkled in for a "international" flare - are all dubbed incredibly badly, making it one of the best "Mystery Science Theater 3000" episodes never made.

I'll give the film this - it clicks right along. There's not a lot of time for character development because there's gratuitous nudity and so many more explosions to squeeze in. For that you get your Rupiah's worth.

Completely bizarre and laughably incompetent, this is the stuff cult films are made of. It will make any pasty-skinned midnight movie lover very, very happy.

If you loved "OUT OF Africa", see "LADY TERMINATOR".

This is way fun a lot, I mean a lot of action this is a way cool rip off of the terminator. Now this is a CULT movie so over the top the story the acting and the best part is the violence if you are a fan of campy 80s action movies then check out you will like it.I was so happy with it the DVD is good to also the tagline RULZZ SHE MATES....THEN SHE TERMINATS LOL!!!!!This one needs to go down as a cult classic!!!Also she never runs out of bullets its so aubsurd and she cant die!!she is possessed by the south sea queen?the story is so simple man its just non stop action and the body count is so so high and the last 30 of the film is the best!!Go find this and yes buy its very worth it!!!

Comedy is a difficult genre to pull off. The best sort of comedies are ones that don't try, they are funny, original, and entertaining throughout. Modern audiences can smell a fake comedy miles away – it is those that do not try that somehow make the biggest splash. "Lady Terminator" is one of those films. Absolutely it is not supposed to be a comedy; its intention is to be a full fledged action film packed with sex, violence, and of course, the teaspoon of the mystical. It is a complete and utter, nearly frame by frame, retelling of the original American film, "The Terminator", equipped with repeatable lines, iconic images, and tons of tons of explosions. Oh, did I mention that a Panzer tank comes out of nowhere? If this doesn't already tickle your taste buds or prove that the Wayans' humor can be better found elsewhere, well, then … I just don't know what you may find entertaining or humorous any longer. Let me repeat, a Panzer tank comes when called! "Lady Terminator" offers nothing the conventional film could guarantee. There is horrid acting, misplaced dubs, and a story that seemed like it was written scene by scene – so why did I laugh and enjoy this piece of garbage? "Lady Terminator" was grade-A B-entertainment. The shots were cheap, the scenes were convoluted, and nothing connected (really), but this little film never tried to be something it wasn't. From the first scene until the last, "Lady Terminator" remained gory, violent, and full of "Terminator" iconography. My next question is … what more do we need?

The story is a rehash of the South Sea Queen mythos, where a demon (or God) of the sea cannot quench her physical satisfaction, so she kills all her potential lovers. One man is able to satisfy, and she instantly places a curse on his great-great granddaughter. Jump to the future, and an anthropologist is on the hunt for the South Sea Queen's castle under the sea and ironically transforms into a Terminator creature determined to kill, kill, and finally kill the person who carries what the great-great grandfather stole from her many years ago. It is part sci-fi (though I couldn't tell you which part), it is part fantasy, and it pure uncut hilarious. "Lady Terminator" is one of those great films that you find, sit down with a group of friends, have some beers, and laugh endlessly. Then, the film carries – it goes from one friend to another until cult status is reached. Despite perhaps not knowing anything about it, upon watching you will see the cult ability all over it. The "Terminator" references, the fantastic final battle, and everything in between. Made in 1988, "Lady Terminator" again carries nothing for the average film snob to discover. There is bad acting from the beginning. The lack of continuity between the shots is disruptive at first, but as the film continues to escalate from one battle to the next, it seems to make sense. This is an ultra-low budget film that was created out of Indonesia to help a booming film market. There is an interesting documentary within this film that discusses how and why films of this nature were created. Sure, there is no budget, no great actors, and sloppy editing (the list could go on), but this film has heart. It tries and it succeeds as a film like "Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter" did. It is one of those undiscovered cult films that needs to be pulled out of the dark.

Unlike most US Hollywood films, there is little to say about this film. The structure was faulty and the concept was riddled with holes, but unlike American films, it pushes through. It continues to add onto itself by creating one skewed iconic references after another. Mando Macabro has done a fabulous job of releasing this DVD. While the transfer suffers (only because it is probably the only transfer available), what it makes up in are special features and previews of upcoming releases. If "Lady Terminator" doesn't inspire you to watch more from the Indonesian catalogue – well, one should reconsider themselves a worldwide cinephile.

Overall, I loved this film. It isn't a film for anyone, if you loved "LA Confidential" or can't get enough "Gladiator", than I don't suggest putting this film in your player – but if you are a fan of explosions and nudity, random Panzer tanks, and cheap James Cameron – than watch this film. There is a thought I had; perhaps this redefine of the "Terminator" film is trying to show us what the core of the original "Terminator" was all about. Was it a sad story about the future, or merely a gun friendly film? The world may never know. Watch this movie. Try to find it or pay the $20+ to get it. You will not be disappointed. Better than any "Transformers 2" could ever wish to be!

Grade: **** 1/2 out of *****