Warrior Queen

This is a rather strange little ditty that comes to us courtesy of exploitation and soft-porn veterans Chuck Vincent, Aristide Massaccessi (Joe D'Amato; director of "Emanuelle," "Buried Alive," "Anthrophagus") and Harry Alan Towers. More or less a T & A retelling, if not a send-up, of "The Last Days of Pompeii," this film focuses on the plight of a young, amply-endowed slave-girl, (Tally Chanel) who is sold into servitude in a brothel frequented by studly gladiators and politicians. Her struggle for freedom is encouraged by Caeser's sympathetic wife, the semi well-preserved Sybil Danning, who discovers her while on a diplomatic trip to Pompeii. As it turns out, she herself, is of the same tribe, but has to conceal her heritage, due to her royal station.

A campy, but dreadfully stilted lampoon of sword and sandal peplum, "Warrior Queen" does boast a delightfully hammy performance by Donald Pleasence as the vice-ridden pro-council of Pompeii. There's hardly any dialogue from the rest of the cast and that's probably a blessing! But, on the prurient plus side, there's a generous helping of nudity and "hard-gore" violence, which is the obvious draw of such a film. However, I must include "Warrior Queen" in my personal pantheon of golden turkeys, which, although it doesn't reach the same heights of lunacy as say, "Plan Nine from Outer Space," it does run an impoverished, if not very close second-place to "Caligula"!

Warrior Queen (1987) is a movie I recently watched on Amazon Prime. The storyline follows the slave and prostitution trade during the days of Pompeii. When a female queen emerges and rises up the ranks she uses her powers to change the slave and trade business and free the victims of the system.

This movie is directed by Chuck Vincent (Sex Drive) and stars Sybil Danning (Amazon Women on the Moon), Donald Pleasence (Halloween), Rick Hill (Liar Liar), Samantha Fox (Jack+Jill) and David Brandon (StageFright).

The female auction is an A+ and was my favorite part of the movie. The props, unfortunately, were poorly constructed. The background music was funny and the storyline was painful. It felt like just a reason to put hot girls in a movie. There were some good kill scenes and I got a good chuckle from the Lou Ferrigno lookalike.

Overall this is a bad movie that is only worth watching for the ladies and unique circumstances. I would score this a 4/10 and recommend watching it once.

Basically WARRIOR QUEEN is Joe D'amato, Harry Allan Tower & Chuck Vincent's version of CALIGULA LITE. I'm giving it a lower score than I might normally because of how downright mean-spirited of a little movie it is. Cult favorite Sybil Danning plays a visiting Roman empress to Pompeii who sits around yawning & looking bored while local Nero type Donald Pleasance hams it up as an insane, debauched, filthy, sadistic pervert ruling over Pompeii with a reign of terror that would have made Saddam Hussein blush. The film is cheap, sleazy, voyeuristic, under-written, over produced, filled with confusing distractions, sexual violence, rotten music, absurd lighting and costume design by a 12th grade home economics class doing a project on Toga Trash.

And yet it still has something going for it, probably the resemblance to an actual Peplum film centered on court intrigue, heroism in the Arena, forbidden love for a comely slave girl, a vengeance that has waited as long as an Ernesto Gastaldi plot development, and a genuine sense of helplessness for those who are not of the elite ruling class. All of these themes were of course explored under the cold, clinical light of an actual X rating by CALIGULA, and while this film is definitely cashing in on the whole Debauched Roman History genre it serves a role that CALIGULA could not in it's complete form, which is to appear to be actual mainstream entertainment. WARRIOR QUEEN is far less bloody, sadistic, lacks the actual hardcore sex inserts and ends a hell of a lot quicker. If someone was wanting to maybe get warmed up for CALIGULA this would be a good starter: If you like what you see here go for the gusto, and if not you're only behind on life by another 79 minutes.

A lot of fuss is also made over the 'unrated' version, which I happened to have, and aside from some obscured male genitalia in the big orgy scene there really isn't much here that is beyond a current-day MPAA R; The board may just have objected to the tone of the film in 1987. with the 'unrated' version is sort of a marketing ploy to sell rental tapes of a version that's about 90 seconds longer. There's a pretty good Snake Dance scene (always gotta love those) and some OK gladiator battle footage, but by the time they roll the stock shots of the volcano erupting at the end I was about done with this myself. If you want a perverse, overtly violent and sexualized Peplum but do not want to subject yourself to three hours of Macolm McDowall urinating on screen, here you go.

4/10: And yeah, the box cover is better than the movie.

Other reviewers have pretty much summed up the general lack of quality of the film, the mistitled "Warrior Queen" which I can only term a 79 minute orgy of soft-core sex and hard-core violence. It has elements of both "Satyricon" and "Caligula" but not half the interest of either of those films, due to a non-existent script. However, it must be noted that two performances hitherto unremarked almost redeem the film: David Cain-Houghton gives a genuinely creepy and decadent portrayal of the owner of Pompeii's premiere whorehouse, a heartless slave-owner who cares nothing for either the female or male flesh he buys and then rents out. Mario Cruciani evokes a great deal of sympathy in his role as the handsome, innocent male slave who tries to protect a young girl sold into the same brothel as himself but only succeeds in bringing greater misfortune on them both. It is truly amazing how these two actors, with very little help from the script, managed to convey their characters so convincingly. Both actors deserved a much better film than this and they are the only two reasons to spend the time watching it.

A word of warning: the Warrior Queen available on Amazon Prime is the R-Rated version which runs at a scant 69 minutes, ten minutes less than the director's cut. What did I miss? Well, seeing as this film is from producers Harry Alan Towers and Aristede Massacesi (AKA Joe D'Amato), and porn director Chuck Vincent, I imagine a whole lot of sex and graphic violence.

The shorter version still has its moments though, since not all of the sleaze hit the cutting room floor, with lots of full frontal female nudity and a little gore to make the experience less painful (without it, the film would be close to unwatchable).

The plot for the film is virtually non-existent, with almost an hour of random Roman nonsense before the climactic eruption of Vesuvius and the destruction of Pompeii (largely consisting of scenes from another earlier movie and volcano stock footage). The build-up is a series of unexciting but occasionally bloody gladatorial contests, sleazy slave trading, rape, and assorted acts of deviancy, with Sybil Danning as the titular Warrior Queen, who spends most of her time looking bored and yawning as bumbling Pompeii official Clodius (Donald Pleasence) tries his best to entertain her, pitting his slaves in arm-wrestling to the death and hosting a games in her honour.

Despite Danning and Pleasence's top billing, the real stars of the film are Rick Hill as charioteer Marcus and Tally Chanel as slavegirl Vespa, eye-candy for both sexes. Hunky Hill is all macho posturing while Chanel definitely makes up for the fact that Danning remains clothed throughout, the blonde stunner baring all. Look out too for porn-star Samantha Fox (not the singer) as Clodius's wife Philomena and Lou Ferrigno lookalike Marco Tullio Cau as Goliath, Marcus's rival in the arena.

4.5/10, rounded up to 5 for the hilarious sight of Pleasence catching doves in a net.