The Beach Girls

As classic a piece of 80's cheeseball as you will ever find. Its worth the time watching it just to follow the "zany" antics of the gardener, who always seems to be in the right place at the wrong time. Some of the worst writing and acting anywhere, with so many bad lines delivered its hard to pick out which is the worst.

Essentially this is a remake by Crown International of their fairly successful 1978 comedy, Malibu Beach. It features the same scenario, a similar story line devoted to coming of age in a fairly pervasive drug culture, and similar comedy lines - right down to the dog that snatches bikini tops from beach babes sleeping on the sand. What do you expect from such a movie? It will not educate you, give you anything to think about, involve you in the lives of complex or interesting cast members, or even stimulate you in any way. It will however pass the short time spent quite pleasantly, particularly if you are watching it with friends or have a partner to share it with. If this is what you want, the film is competently made and deserves a fairly high rating, if you want more it is a disaster that you will inevitably class as a turkey.

I personally very much prefer it to its forerunner Malibu Beach largely I think because the characters, although transparently simple, are more real and less heavily less caricatured. If there is a message, it is that the world needs lots of readily available marihuana to put us all into a warm comfortable frame of mind in which many of the unpleasantnesses of life can be forgotten. This is a message of which I would strongly disapprove, and which would make it difficult for me to say kind words about any film. However I do not believe this film is intended to have any message at all. It simply aims to feature the lifestyle of young people who have grown up in a culture where marihuana use is widespread, without making any moral judgments. It is played purely as a farce, which gets very close to becoming pure slapstick but never quite crosses the line - again I think because the characters, whilst all overdrawn to varying extents, remain real recognisable people. I am not a lover of farce where characters tend to quickly become no more than cardboard cut-outs, but this is less of a problem here than with most farces.

I remember enjoying this film when I first saw it some 20 years ago (a time when my expectations from girlie movies were no doubt somewhat different). I recently saw the DVD release featuring it (as a double feature with "The Pom Pom Girls" - which is best quickly forgotten.), so I decided to re-view it and see how it (or I myself) had survived the years. My reaction after viewing it again was that I would love to meet one of the three main characters, who must now be middle aged matrons - probably with family responsibilities for teenagers of their own - and ask their recollections of participating in the making of this film. Movie making is never easy but I suspect that they would remember it as a real fun time which all the cast members enjoyed. The important point is that this fun not only comes out clearly in the film, but also makes it fun to watch. Within the constraints discussed above, I can only report that I enjoyed this film and rate it as worth about 3 stars out of five.

I first saw this movie on late-night Cinemax when I was about fourteen years old. It has become a cult classic in my book. I showed it to all my friends after taping it. It is an absolute hoot! It's so bad that it is absolutely hilarious! The story: Virginial Sarah (Deborah Blee, who went on to the triumphant "Hamburger: The Motion Picture") goes to spend the summer at her Uncle Carl's beach house. Sarah has invited two friends to join her for the summer: Loose hussies Ducky (Jenna Thomasina, a PLAYBOY playmate of the year) and Ginger (bleach-blonde Val Kline, who seems to have vanished.) Much to the disapproval of Sarah, Ginger & Ducky turn Uncle Carl's beach house into a wild, no-holds-barred sex, drugs, and alcohol orgy. When Uncle Carl arrives unexpectedly, he demands that the party stop, but topless Ginger and Ducky ply him with booze and marijuana, and soon Uncle Carl joins in the party. Meanwhile, drug smugglers being chased by the Coast Guard dump dozens of garbage bags filled with pot into the ocean, and the bags float up in front of Uncle Carl's. What follows is a wild pot party, with the Coast Guard raiding Uncle Carl's and building a bonfire with all of the confiscated weed. Everybody gets deleriously high. That's the movie! I could list some truly classic lines but there's not enough space. Trust me...this is funny, funny, funny...in a good/bad sort of way. Get your hands on it if you can! Great party flick!

The acting in this beach romp feast is not to be compared with the likes of Citizen Kane, more likely to that of Hard Bodies 1&2. This movie would by most standards be regarded as a "B" movie, but even at that it is a easy viewing movie, there's no political messages, no stands for anything, just some parody, slap-stick and a little skin. If you feel this movie may not be mentally stimulating enough, sit back,relax and mellow out for a little laughs and silliness.

The highest grossing film of 1982 was saccharine-sweet family sci-fi classic E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial, but how many sexy young hotties did it feature? None, that's how many (I'm sorry but Drew Barrymore and Erika Eleniak were far TOO young to count, and Dee Wallace was too old). On the other hand, The Beach Girls is chock full of pert naked and semi-naked cuties making it hands down the superior film in terms of gratuitous T&A. In your face Spielberg!

In fact, of all of the teenage sex comedies I've seen from the 80s, The Beach Girls has got to be one of the finest in terms of sheer quantity and quality of breasts, the number of scorching hot chicks willing to whip off their tops easily compensating for the film's dumb plot and desperate humour. The driving force behind this constant tirade of topless totty are best pals Ginger and Ducky (beautiful blonde Val Kline and brunette babe Jeana Keough) who visit their friend Sarah (Debra Blee) at her Uncle Carl's swanky beach property with the aim of partying hard all summer. Before long, there's a couple of hundred kids running around in their underwear, acting like complete animals, although prudish Sarah is reluctant to join in the fun, keeping her plentiful assets under cover much to the frustration of hunky drifter Scott (James Daughton).

The wild partying looks set to end earlier than planned when Uncle Carl arrives home unexpectedly after a tip off from nosy neighbour Mrs. Brinker (Mary Jo Catlett); however, Ginger and Ducky aren't about to give in without a fight and convince Carl to see things their way by seducing the lucky bloke. Another party is soon under way, and proves to be an even wilder affair than before thanks to the discovery of several bin liners full of weed washed up on the beach (having been dumped in a hurry by incompetent drug smuggler Captain Jack). Under the relaxing influence of the pot, and with more than a little encouragement from her friends, Sarah eventually sees the error of her ways, realises that life is too short to have inhibitions, and learns to have fun—by popping her top off to reveal her awesome rack and getting it on with a very lucky Scott on the beach. Don't you just love a film that comes with a valuable life lesson?

This a lot of mindless fun, but don't make the mistake of thinking that all The Beach Girls has to offer is non-stop childish smut and teenage debauchery, 'cos you would be wrong: in addition to all the nudity and drug-related humour, the film also offers discerning viewers some truly surreal moments (a strangely out-of-place food fight gag and a talking bag of pot being quite bizarre), a silly secondary plot-thread featuring a bumbling coast-guard crew led by a captain who talks like Humphrey Bogart, a bit of frisbee action (admittedly from a woman with big tits), and Carl's Mexican gardener fighting his fiancé's Japanese chauffeur in a mud pit. So much more entertaining than a wrinkly alien and a flying bike, don't cha think?

7.5 out of 10, rounded up to 8 for IMDb for the lovely Debra Blee, who reminded me a little bit of Jennifer Love Hewitt.