¿Dónde está el cuerpazo?

The Italians invented the theatrical lowbrow slapstick that became a staple of 20th century film. Their brand is more juvenile and extreme, but they also bring their advanced culture and customs to it. That makes a film like "Policewoman" a mixed bag. Its cheap and cynical as any grindhouse film you can find, but it has gorgeous art direction and solid filmmaking. The script is kinda weak, full of lame gags and Italian humor is probably lost in translation. There's a lot of racial humor that comes off mean and the physical humor never becomes sophisticated beyond fart jokes and falling down. But this is a watchable mess. Its a good education on 80s Italian film culture and it has its redeeming moments. Edwige Fenech is a bonafide star and she's enough of a draw for most men.

As bad as it is, you can do worse. And it fits in the genre with Troma and bad 80s Porky's ripoffs, so there's definitely an audience for this still.

I've seen all of Edwige Fenech's "schoolteacher" sex comedies (hanging head in shame), but this my first of her "policewoman" sex comedies. She and her diminutive partner (Alvaro Vitali) happen to be the spitting image of, respectively, the mistress and bodyguard of a New York mafioso (Alberto Lionello). So with the help of a Texan FBI agent played by Renzo Montagnini (I do hope the Italians know that Texas and New York City are very different places)they conspire to replace their respective dopplegangers and infiltrate the criminal organization, where they quickly find themselves in the middle of an inept gang war between the mafioso and his severely stuttering Turkish rival.

Fenech had been in a lot movies by this time, and although she had gotten much better as an actress (she deftly manges two distinct characters here) she also regrettably stopped taking off her clothes nearly as much, so it's kind of a double-edged sword. Vitali generally ranged from kinda funny to pretty irritating, and here he's somewhere in between. The idea of him being a vicious mafioso is funny in itself though. Even dubbed, the swarthy Montagnini does not make the most believable "Texan". The two rival gangsters are pretty good, however. And, of course, being Italian, the movie has the usual quota of offensive stereotypes, but they somehow here manage to actually combine the gay and black stereotypes as both Fenech and Vitali are pursued by Africa-American admirers of the same sex.

Director Michele Massimo Tarantini generally wasn't fit to carry the jockstrap of Sergio Martino, Fenech's regular collaborator. This might be one of his better films though. Strangely, soon after this Tarantini ended up in Brazil directing women-in-prison and cannibal films with Brazilian sex star/race car driver Susan Carvahlo. This isn't great, but you could do worse I suppose.

This Polizziota series gets sillier with each installment. For starters, Renzo Montagnani is supposed to be an American FBI Special Inspector called Maccarone. He is on the trail of Big John (who's last name turns out to be Corleone, ha ha) played by that other fat big nose, Aldo Maccione. The plan is to find a couple of doubles to infiltrate the organization. By pure coincidence our heroes from the two previous Poliziotta flicks, Gianna and Alvaro are played by the same actors as Big's sexy girlfriend Pupa and ugly little bodyguard Dodiciomicidi (Twelve murders). After a few irritating imitation lessons, Edwige Fenech and Alvaro Vitali (for it is them doing double duty) board a plane to the states. Strangely enough, Gianna is already wearing the same dress as Pupa even thought they are planning the switch during Pupa's daily jog in Central Park (shame on you, continuity girl).

Pupa is the ultimate Italian fantasy: gorgeous and content to stay at home knitting. Don't expect any split screen lookalike mix ups either, as most of the budget went into shooting on location in NYC. After the impostors have taken their place, the moll and her ugly wart companion have little else to do in this picture. The undercover cops enter Mr Big's mansion, which in early eighties fashion is completely automated. Edwige constantly has to find ways to escape the big ones attention, and Alvaro has an unwanted love interest too. Good thing he has a knack for figuring out machines, so he's not completely useless after all. Soon they have taken pictures of the secret plans (when did this become an espionage movie?) but of course the roll of film gets lost in Gianna's cleavage.

Meanwhile Big John is meeting his rival the Turk at a pizzeria (where else). Renzo comes along dressed as a sheik (I was wondering where that eighties cliché was gonna fit in) while Edwige wears some kind of low cut stewardess outfit. This must be another continuity error, for the plane does not appear until the final act. When they start spraying laughing gas the movie turns into a cartoon. Alvaro has a smelly running gag featuring an inflatable stomach while Edwige is kidnapped by the Turks, only to escapes by practicing some unconvincing Kung Fu. Meanwhile Renzo and Alvaro crash their car in an alley and come out in black stained underwear. Just when you thought it could not get any more juvenile, the two of them dress up like Indians.

Gianna sets up a trap for both gang leaders aboard a plane. Renzo is on the scene in his big inconspicuous cowboy hat and takes along the real Pupa and Dodiciomicidi for no good reason. Obviously the writers were hoping to end the series with a spectacular 'Cannonball Run' finale, yet the most spectacular thing is Edwige's low cut Jessica Rabbit dress. After some ludicrous high jinx in the sky (mostly made up out of stock-shots and miniatures) we still have to sit through the usual fake car chase (the kind where the cars are obviously standing still during close ups). In the end even Edwige has to admit on camera that this is the end of the series.

5 out of 10

Absolutely the worst movie in the series. There are scenes more cartoonish than movie-worthy, and there are some of the most embarrassing jokes I've ever heard.

A POLICEWOMAN IN NEW YORK is the final instalment of the Edwige Fenech comedy trilogy, directed by Michele Massimo Tarantini and featuring stock location filming in the Big Apple. Here, Pupa and her comedy sidekick are assigned to a mission in America where they happen to be the exact doubles of a couple of figures in the Italian underworld, so they decide to masquerade as them. An extremely unfunny and grating comedy subsequently plays out, and to call many of the characters irritating would be an understatement. Fenech has visibly aged since her glory days although she still has a real glamour about her, although there's just one brief nude scene. The rest, from the stuttering Turk to the sassy black housemaid, is just plain bad.