Conan, el bárbaro

It took a long time for Robert E Howard's wonderful creation to make it to the big screen,and the result is something of a mixture.Some of Conan is very impressive,with the atmosphere of Howard's writing perfectly captured on screen,but some of the film is badly misjudged,with daft moments,botched action,and an uneven performance from schwarzenneger.He looks the part but in some scenes comes across as a muscle bound buffoon.Something the literary hero definitely wasn't.The story is ok,apart from having Conan spend half his life chained to the wheel of pain!But it's a dissapointing script,considering greats Milius and Oliver Stone wrote it.There are some excellent sequences in the film though,that are beautifully photographed.The opening attack on conans village is impressive,and Conans encounter with a weird witch is pretty good.But best of all is the orgy sequence,where the action,sets,and music blend together perfectly.It's like a Frank Frazetta painting come to life!The climactic battle of the mounds is ok,but it's all over far to quickly.The film does look good with some gorgeous photography,and set design.Best of all though,is the music by Basil Poledouris.This is an absolutely stunning score,that really captures the savage world of Conan.I'll stick my neck out and say that it's the best film soundtrack ever composed!General Cromwell,over and out.

In an age of Xena-esque fantasy adventure films (al la the tepid Scorpion King) It is startling to go back and see just how good this movie still is. "Conan" is not for the faint of heart, and not just for gore - there are far more bloody movies out there - but for the uncompromising warrior-ethos John Milius infused into his vision. There is nothing PC about this fantasy world. When he is asked "what is best in life?" Conan paraphrases Genghis Khan: "Crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and hear the lamentations of their women!" We are not led to believe he is kidding. It is true that Arnold is no great actor, but it is also true he has always stuck with parts he can handle, and he does a fine job as Conan, but the real star here is the director. John Milius is one of the greats, totally unappreciated in his time, and his sweeping scope and epic, gritty battle sequences add a dimension lacking from almost every other S&S film. There is a grim aura of doom pervading the movie that fits the original Howard stories to a T, and I think Robert E Howard would have really liked this movie. James Earl Jones gives a killer performance as the evil Thulsa Doom, rivalling Darth Vader himself. A last point in this film's favor is the score. Basil Poledouris turned out his best score ever for this film: Brooding, powerful and operatic, it lends the film a grandeur Hercules could only dream of. I must have seen this film 40 times and I still never get tired of it.

A cracking sword and sorcery yarn that has divided movie goer opinions since it's release. Some believing it's a beefy and shallow action movie, glossed up with big sets and fancy costumes. Others believing it is a truly eye popping visual feast of a film with hidden depth. The film was panned on its original release but since then has been something of a critical favourite. While the film is too murky and turgid at times, it is still engaging, despite needing to lighten up a touch, because this is based on a comic book after all. The film is fantastical but at the same time the film doesn't go quite as fantastical as the comic books did. This seems to be more based in reality but it still features a snake-man, giant snakes and witches.

The film follows Conan from childhood when his parents are killed and follows him through his early years as a slave to adulthood when he becomes a fighter and a thief. What drives Conan is pure bloodthirsty revenge on the man who killed his parents(James Earl Jones) and he is constantly spurred on by the belief he is doing his god's (Krom the god of steel) will. Conan constantly interprets important moments as messages from Krom.This film is so visual. The dialogue is minimal and yet meaningful. This gives the film a great atmosphere and really brings to mind two other fantasy action movies I really love, Crying Freeman and Highlander. They are all very similar in style. They all have the same strengths, in that they are both great looking, have a lead character driven by a spirit guide, controlled by his beliefs and a sense of destiny and all three have similar romantic subplot, all told with visuals, and little dialogue. They are all also blessed with unique and rousing scores. It's all very mythical and philosophical in each, with love at first site important. It is the love of the women that drive the men to their goals. In Freeman Dacascos wants to break away from his controlled regime, and take back his life when his love gives him the will to do so. In Highlander McLeod wants to lead a mortal life, to love and grow old with someone, to be human. Conan wants a life after he takes his revenge. The greatness of their romantic story and the purely visual way it is told is that during the movie he says only 5 words to her,and they all come in their first meeting. The film should not get away with something like that, yet it works well. The twist in Conan is that his lover sacrifices herself for him and in effect once he has achieved his goal the film is left with the feeling Conan has no further purpose in life.

The cast are good. Arnold was made into a star here. He is physically the best shape he's ever been in a movie. He is smaller than his bodybuilding days yet as big as he's ever been on screen and at the same time fleet of foot and nimble. Lest we not forget by the time he hit mega stardom he was in his 40's, but Arnold is truly in his prime here. It is a performance though of glaring inconsistency which is the likes of which I have never seen. It is at once his best and his worst performance. For all that Schwarzenegger does with a depth and humanity not seen in his films since, he overplays and looks amateurish in others, because of course he was an amateur here. What really does work is the chemistry between Sandahl Bergman and Schwarzy. She gets the best out of him and their scenes together are generally his best. Bergman received a Golden Globe for this and had Arnie consistently been as good as his higher points here, who knows? You get the feeling the philosophical side might occasionally have gone over his head. At times he would bawl out "Kraaoomm!!!" without knowing why he was delivering the line. Bergman is good. She is enigmatic and quite sexy in a "why is she sexy?" kind of a way. Bergman kicks ass and her dance background shows as she moves with grace. The showstoppers though are the supporting cast with the legend Mako, excellent as the wizard and narrator. Max Von Sydow is superb as king Osric and he gets some of the best dialogue but it is the chilling James Earl Jones who is particularly excellent as Thulsa Doom.

What makes this film great is the fact that it feels older than it is. It feels like a b-movie fantasy film from the golden ages of the 50's and 60's, with some of the charming elements of the legendarily cheap Italian fantasy films. The film even at times feels like it is dubbed. While all it lacks is a stand out Ray Harryhausen moment. The nearest we get is the giant snake. I would have loved to have seen more creatures and beasts in this movie with some HarryHausen effects but it come a tad too late really. Also Basil Poledouris' score is fantastic and old fashioned a big reason the film feels like it is from the golden age of this sword and sorcery quest movies. The score is the real standout part of the movie. It's very old fashioned, medieval and a bit baroque and works marvellously well with some rousing themes.

The film is directed with visual flourish by John Milius, whose tragically lame career since makes you wonder what happened. In that sense it has another similarity with Highlander as the even more talented Russell Mulcahy was never matched the quality or success of Highlander since. This is a top notch film that fantasy enthusiasts will love. ****

You know, Conan doesn't speak for the first 22 minutes of the movie, but it's worth the wait. "Crush enemies, see them driven before you, hear the lamentations of the women" is Conan's description of what is best in life.

If you're a dialog person, this movie may not be for you. If you never paid attention to the dialog, you might do so now. Sex, drugs, and rock'n'roll! (except, without the rock'n'roll. The soundtrack is pretty awesome, though).

What can I say? It's a classic. Intense blood and gore, Eighties-esquire special effects, intense sensuality with were-vixens, magic, revenge, true love...sounds like the Princess Bride with an R rating. Just kidding.

Before CGI allowed filmmakers to cheaply create any fantasy world they can think of fantasy films had to rely on real locations, practical effects, and deep imagination to bring those worlds to life before the camera rather than in post-production. It may not be bestowed with Oscars, but Conan The Barbarian is just as classy as Ben Hur and more brutal than Gladiator.

In an almost wordless set-up, a young Conan is orphaned by the androgynous warlord Thulsa Doom (James Earl Jones) and dragged off to some kind of weird labor camp where children are exploited and punished, kinda like a primitive version of Disneyland Paris. Years go by and Conan grows up into a huge, bloated and bulging muscle-bound killing machine.

At this point, he is used as a money-making tool by his captors, who set up death matches with other killing machines. Soon, he becomes the most honored fighter in the land, so his captors set him free as he can win no more tournaments. In the opening act alone we see him transition from innocent child, to orphan, slave, gladiator, warrior, adventurer, and thief.

He has a hard time surviving on his own until he finds a special sword, makes a new best friend in Subotai (Gerry Lopez) and finds a girlfriend in Valeria (Sandahl Bergman). Together, they live the high life of barbarians, mainly involving robbing, grunting, and clubbing people. All goes well until Conan makes it his personal quest to go after Thulsa Doom for revenge.

James Earl Jones appears threatening, even though he doesn't even look like the kind of guy who would say boo to a goose. Imagine Oprah Winfrey in Hells Angels biker gear and you'll have an accurate description of Thulsa Doom. He's not a totally formidable foe for Conan in the larger-than-life sense, but psychologically he's a scary dude.

Schwarzenegger does a great job. There really is only one person in the world who could play Conan, as sympathetic and brutal as he is, and Arnie definitely pulls it off, in this, his first major starring role. Of course, there is not much acting going on - he says only five words to Valeria in the whole movie - but it's all about physical presence, rather than thespianism. Most of the dialogue is unspoken. Conan was brought up to be a killing machine, but he learns humanity through feeling his own mortality.

Producer Dino De Laurentiis, a veteran movie-maker, brought a whole load of money to give Conan a massive scale. John Milius stages some h-u-g-e scenes, with excellent production values, and his cinematographer Duke Callaghan uses widescreen framing brilliantly. The gore and violence is on a par with Paul Verhoeven and is so frequent that after a while it becomes almost comical. Basil Poledouris, who wrote wonderful music for RoboCop and many others, creates a truly majestic score that is absolutely spellbinding.

As a tribute to Robert E. Howard's pulp hero, as a stand-alone movie, as an Arnie vehicle and cult picture, Conan is now almost a classic. Sure, there are faults, but you'll be too damn entertained to care.