Artemis 81

I first saw this when I was 10 years old and it baffled me. As it's never been repeated or made commercially available I've been waiting ages for a DVD release to see if I can make sense of it. It's a film that deserves a second look, without a doubt - and thankfully the audio commentary with the director and writer explains so much, because without it you'll still be scratching your head and muttering "what the hell was that all about..." In particular, that strange, terrifying Eastern-block country Gideon finds himself in. Fepiz! was the title of DC Thompson's Dandy comic that is seen next to a copy of his own book, and for some reason it's that image that has always stayed with me since '81. Listen to the audio commentary for an explanation of that strange language and the city as a whole. A fine and Fepiz work? Not a masterpiece by any means, verging on the pretentious at times but brave, ambitious and with some disturbing imagery that will remain with you for a long time.

Almost forty years ago, I lost three hours of my life watching, and trying to make sense of, this film. I still don't really know what it is about even today, when helpful people have written explanations and put them on the Internet.

My main memory is of Gordon Sumner aka Sting, standing on an obviously freezing beach wearing a bathrobe, stating "I am not uncomfortable, I am not of this world", his nose pink with cold.

By all means watch this film, but please don't expect to make any sense of it.

I liked this film. It's got it all, inter-dimensional(or planetary?..you decide)travel, unrequited homosexual love, heterosexual love, journeys of self awakening, the apocalypse, great music played by weird organists with a devilish pact, oh and of course Sting as the good angel(spirit) Helith. The basic gist of the story is Helith and the evil Asrael go head to heads after Asrael wakes the Earth spirit Magog from her slumber.Magog represents the destruction of the earth. Helith and Asrael are then charged with influencing man to save or destroy the planet. Gideon Harlax, a writer of the paranormal, stumbles upon a bizarre series of coincidental deaths on a ferry from Denmark and the weirdness begins from here including being transported to another planet, dimension or future Earth..(it's never explained). Dr Albrecht Von Drachenfels is in unwillingly in league with Asrael and the fate of the Earth and mankind rests with a piece of music he must play to herald the apocalypse........yee har!! I Loved the atmosphere of dread that the film portrayed in a nod to the Danish Film industry and at times you feel really uncomfortable and bewildered which is of course how you're supposed to feel as it reflects the confusion and uncertainty that the main character is feeling. It doesn't lead you by the hand like Hollywood films do, so expect to have to think a little( oh the horror!!). Overall enjoyable for sci-fi fans who like apocalyptic themes.Give it a go for the sake of mankind!

"Artemis 81" is a made for TV movie that is three hours in length. This alone is not a problem, but the pacing is glacial and the movie is made with minimal incidental music...and it feels very slow and sterile. It's a shame, as the rather original plot about a battle between good and evil angels is intriguing.

So why did I watch this slow film? Well, it's one of the only movies I haven't seen with Daniel Day-Lewis...though his part is rather small. This is a bit of a suprise, as he's barely in the film at all...and would one day be a multi-Oscar winner.

While I noticed that almost all the reviewers liked this film, I cannot say the same. Its pacing is THAT slow...so slow that I just found myself about to yell at the TV...telling everything to just hurry up! Because of this and a decent story hidden by all this, I wouldn't mind watching a remake....a remake with life to it. Even with Sting playing one of the major characters, I just kept nodding off as I tried to finish the picture.

Okay, so Artemis gets off to a dodgy start with Asrael sounding like the decapitated Dr Hill in 'Re-animator', followed soon after by the dreaded hubcap shot (although that may have been a deliberate spoof, you never know with this epic.) However, intrigue soon captivates and the production becomes enthralling. Surprisingly, as homo-erotica is not my first choice viewing, nor am I a devote of crosswords, Suduko and puzzles in general. It takes a little adjusting to because the characters speak in elliptical and metaphysical terms, occasionally lapsing into jarring movie speak such as: "what the hell is this place?" although purposefully, I suspect. It's not always clear what is real or imaginary, for instance, how the two protagonists got from what appeared to be a polluted East-European country to Wales, but you always want to know what happens next. The Bela Lugosi/Hitchcock references may be over-literal for some. For instance, I exclaimed: "oh, look, a Hitchcock blonde!" only to find the actress listed as 'Hitchcock Blonde' in the end credits. But the playfulness helps offset any pretensions.

Artemis would have made a great widescreen feature, not that it would have made a penny at the box office. For something done with such obvious love and commitment, it is woeful that it has never been repeated or released retail. It really is beautifully done. Those who like the children's sci-fi serial 'Sky' may like this, although Rudkin is ideologically opposed to interventionist supreme beings. Brazil also springs to mind, although Artemis is diametrically opposed to that film's freneticism. A rum concoction for sure, but I for one can't wait to see it again.