The Return

"The Return" has to rank as one of the lesser efforts of veteran cult director Greydon Clark. It's not that it's all THAT incompetent, but a weak script, co-written by brothers Ken and Jim Wheat ("The Silent Scream", "Pitch Black") prevents it from working all that well. The audience is going to end up scratching their heads while they try to make some sense out of the strange goings-on. As for the rest, it's all just silly and cheesy enough to rate as acceptable B movie entertainment. This reviewer knows that he throws out the word "amusing" an awful lot, but there's really no other way to describe this thing. And it's that amusement factor that manages to keep this watchable.

The actors are remarkably sincere. Jan-Michael Vincent and Cybill Shepherd star as Wayne and Jennifer, a deputy in a small New Mexico town and hottie scientist respectively, who as children had had a close encounter. Also witness to the aliens' arrival was a prospector (the late, great character actor Vincent Schiavelli, one of those people who you always recognize but whose name you may never remember). The kids grow up, of course, but Schiavelli remains the same age. Shepherds' character gets wind of strange fog activity in this small town and soon after she gets there cattle begin to be mutilated. Then, people get mutilated as well.

Things take a pretty goofy turn when a character is seen to carry around a lightsaber type weapon, except it's held in the middle. Add to this a light show that is actually fairly impressive as well as some decent makeup effects and solid rural atmosphere, and the viewer gets what amounts to a mild hoot of a movie. Also in the cast are Martin Landau, who's wasted as Vincents' comedy-relief sheriff, Raymond Burr as Shepherds' father, who looks like he's reading his lines at times (and indeed he was), Neville Brand as a hostile rancher, Brad Rearden (who'd acted in "The Silent Scream") as Brands' bratty son, and Clark regular Darby Hinton ("Malibu Express") as one of Reardens' trouble making pals. Undeniable assets are cinematography by Daniel Pearl ("The Texas Chain Saw Massacre") and nice music by Dan Wyman.

Clark also did the well regarded "Without Warning" that was released the same year as this, and that one is recommended more than "The Return", which even B movie enthusiasts might find underwhelming.

Clark appears on screen as a city slicker victim.

Six out of 10.

This movie is one of those obscure films that most people in the world probably have never seen and probably should not bother trying to find unless they like to laugh at poor cinema. It is akin to the film Laserblast, only that one is more well known due to the fact it was played more back in the day and would later become riffed on the cult television show Mystery Science Theater 3000. This one, too, could have been on that show and made a rather good episode as it is just ripe for the riffing! Instead, it became a film most have never seen or heard of even though there are several decent actors in this one including Jean Michael Vincent, Raymond Burr, Martin Landeau and Cybil Shepard. However, they could not make up for the fact that this movie seems to almost have not discernible plot...

The story, what little there is, starts out with two kids and a prospector encountering strange lights in the sky and they are seemingly imbued with something or another. The little girl was just passing through, but the little boy lived in town. Years later, they are all grown up and in the town where the encounter took place strange occurrences have happened as cows have been mutilated. The boy is now a deputy and drinking beer while pursuing annoying young folk driving while the girl now works for her dad's vague institute that seems to be exploring space and possible aliens, but are not experts on cow mutilations. Well the prospector is now wielding a lightsaber and carving up cows for some purpose and soon the former kids will have to confront him!

The film seems like it was trying to do both Star Wars and Close Encounters with a touch of horror thrown into the mix. It could've worked, but it takes itself way too seriously. They needed more of the horror element as watching drunk deputy and pretty new girl in town interact throughout the movie got very tiresome. So instead of being entertaining like those two movies, it is only really entertaining as a film to be made fun of as you are watching it unfold.

Two children who grow up to be Jan-Michael Vincent and Cybill Shepherd have a close encounter with an alien spaceship. Twenty five years later they reunite as some strange things are happening in the small New Mexico town where Vincent is now part of law enforcement and Shepherd is now a scientist.

The Return is a ripoff of Close Encounters Of The Third Kind only it was done on the budget that that science fiction classic spent on its catering. We learn here that Raymond Burr who plays Shepherd's father was so bored with the whole thing that he read his lines off a teleprompter. I can't blame him, the whole thing bored me as well.

The term worm hole had not been given to us courtesy of Star Trek - The Next Generation. But that's what Burr and Shepherd and the rest of the scientists have monitored and that's why Shepherd is back to investigate. I still haven't figured out just what it was there for.

The rest of the cast took Raymond Burr's somnambulist approach to the film. It can put anyone to sleep even the players.

Jennifer has come to a small New Mexico town to set up geological monitoring equipment for her father's organization. Some of the townspeople find her behavior suspicious. And she gets attacked several times by a vicious but mysterious dog. Several ranchers have lost cattle that were not only killed but mutilated, and cults or perhaps aliens are blamed because there are no flies or anything.

Dr. Kramer, Jennifer's father, comes to the town wanting to know more about what is going on. The ranchers, including the independent and stubborn Walt, resent people who know nothing about cattle butting into the situation. Meanwhile, Deputy Wayne seems to like Jennifer.

Later, people are found mutilated as well as cattle. The first time it happens, a weird looking man shows up carrying what looks like the light sabers from the 'Star Wars' movies, only it is held in the middle.

Shepherd did a good job as an actress here, but mostly she just looked beautiful. I'm used to seeing her look like, say, Martha Stewart these days. Raymond Burr seemed like Perry Mason at times, but in other scenes he and all the other actors seemed like they were reading their lines. I'm thinking particularly of a scene back at his headquarters where the scientists were explaining their theories.

I didn't find this movie particularly scary, except when the dog was on screen, and in scenes close to the end. That's okay because I don't like scary. The violence was not all that bad, though we did see blood. The special effects were not that great, though we got to see what looked like a portal into another dimension several times. It looked like the kind of modern art people often hate if they want realism. It was pretty to look at, anyway--sort of like a purple 'black hole'.

The ending was weird but satisfying in a way, though I couldn't help but feel someone cheated because they couldn't find their way out of the mess they had gotten into.

I've seen better mysteries.

THE RETURN stars Cybill Shepherd and Jan Michael-Vincent as adults who meet again, years after a childhood incident involving extraterrestrial activity. Jennifer (Shepherd) is now a scientist, and Wayne (Jan-Michael Vincent) is a lawman who enjoys shooting car stereos. Events lead the duo to remember what happened to them that fateful night.

Jennifer's dad (Raymond Burr) arrives in town, pontificating furiously due to a local cattle mutilation epidemic. Enter rancher / hot head, Walt (Neville Brand), who yells a lot in a gruff voice. This man definitely knows his cows!

Simultaneously, the sheriff (Martin Landau) is on the case, while trying to figure out how to dunk doughnuts in a can of beer. Could alien mischief be behind all this? Can Waynifer figure things out, before the sheriff dunks his first doughnut? And, what about the peculiar prospector, his mini- light saber, and his devil dog? And, why does he have a black hole in his cave? Annnd, just why did Wayne drive his motorcycle through that window, in slow-motion? Was Mr. Vincent symbolically recreating his final scene from WHITE LINE FEVER?

Regardless, this is one hilariously funny movie, and you will believe! In aliens? No, in the power of love, doughnuts, light sabers, Raymond Burr, and the ability to float elegantly in black holes!...