Hog Wild

Not "good bad" in the Plan 9 sense; just bad.

Since it's been 22 years since I saw this movie, I can't supply plot details, but the impression that it made on me -- that it was the worst movie released in the spring of 1980, and I saw every commercially released film that spring -- has stayed with me all these years.

I do recall that there didn't seem to be an original idea in the script or a single energetic performance among the cast, that most of the "funny" lines fell flat, and that quite a few people left the theatre before the end.

Sorry; wish I could add something positive here, but ... well, this bad a review might at least garner it some video rentals by the curious and masochistic ...

This is how I resume this movie...

Tell a washed-up story told many times and make it a bad script...

Put some cardboard signs over french signs or copyrighted products to pass Montreal for an American City...

Hire some second rate American actors to play the lead roles...

Shoot this on bad quality film and equipment...

Dub it in the worst Parisian French (yes, dubbed in Paris !) to show it to the French Canadian movie market (don't forget, this is Canadian even if the action's in the States, eh ? Bilingual country, isn't it eh ?)

And voila, a turkey made for order. Watch it once, get bored, forget it !

I would advise skipping this one. It's a teenage comedy without a laugh to be had with the two leads Angie (Patti D'Arbanville) and Tim (Michael Beihn) having less then zero percent chemistry. There is running joke with the head of the abusive biker gang Bull (Tony Rosado) constantly mumbling while his side kick Bean (Anjelo Rizacos) translates for him which becomes annoying within the first ten minutes.

The bikers shame the nerds until they finally fight back and then there is the motorcycle race at the end. I felt violated waiting for this dog to present one funny moment and it may have been the worst comedy of the 1980's. I like "B" movies but not this one what a bummer it is. Liberal Whackadoodle Stephanie Miller has a bit part and was quite beautiful circa 1980 I must say. The only reason it gets a two star is because of the cool dirt bike stunt riding scenes during the race. Don't do it and if you do don't blame me I tried to warn you.

Okay it's not Revenge of the Nerds, Clint Eastwood's biker gang, or The Goonies. But it does have redeeming moments. Less than a screwball comedy. More like dry. But at least the lead players are good.

Everyone loved 'The Bull' (Tony Rosato). Who kind of reminds you of Bobcat Goldwaite with his notorious mumbling of lines. But in a far less comical manner. Bean is the Esai Morales, second-in-command tough guy 'interpreting' for The Bull. And Patti D'Arbanville shines here, as Bull's woman. Who soon grows bored with his childish antics, and falls for the nice guy. Played of course, by a very young film (and TV) veteran Michael Biehn, of 'The Magnificent Seven', 'Terminator', 'Tombstone' and other box office hits. Booted from military school, back to his hometown. Which has gone overrun by biker gang misfits. Falling for their head girl (D'Arbanville).

The script falls short in some places. But is otherwise, a decent movie night entertainment.

In terms of cinematic greatness, the film falls WAY short. However, I liked it. First off, it stars a few of the teen aged actors who were in Meatballs, which is considered to be a very good teen comedy. Gil Lasky, who played Spazz in Meatballs plays Gil Lasky, the best friend of Michael Biehan's character. Also, Keith Knight, who played Larry "Fink" Finkelstein in Meatballs has a small role as a nerdy kid named Vern who wants to join the motorcycle gang.

My favorite actor in the film was Tony Rosato, who played Bull, the leader of the motorcycle gang. He would mumble his lines, which would then be interpreted by the gang's second-in-command, Bean. Rosato went on to join the ensemble casts of SCTV and SNL at different times. He has also been an in-demand voice man for cartoons, most notably the Super Mario Bros. cartoons where he does the voice of Lugi.

The music in the film was very good. IMDb has it listed as being by someone other than the credits on the film. Most of the music was written by a guy named Dwayne Ford. There was one tune, played twice, which is a seemingly unfinished country tune called Cowboys and Rustlers, which was exceptional. I tracked down the song's author and contacted him a few years back, asking whether a complete version of the tune was ever recorded. He replied that it was never completed, and that he is still owed revenue from the producer of the film.

MARK