Hog Wild

Not "good bad" in the Plan 9 sense; just bad.

Since it's been 22 years since I saw this movie, I can't supply plot details, but the impression that it made on me -- that it was the worst movie released in the spring of 1980, and I saw every commercially released film that spring -- has stayed with me all these years.

I do recall that there didn't seem to be an original idea in the script or a single energetic performance among the cast, that most of the "funny" lines fell flat, and that quite a few people left the theatre before the end.

Sorry; wish I could add something positive here, but ... well, this bad a review might at least garner it some video rentals by the curious and masochistic ...

Let me be straight up front with this. You won't go as the title suggests. It's rambunctious fun, in a slightly dry film, with Biehn booted out of military school, returning to his hometown, to find it overrun by a group of biker misfits, the head honcho, Rosato, who only speaks in jargon, he needs a translator. That's the amusing content of the film. Naturally Biehn falls for the head biker's girl (D'Arbanville) and there's a nice little scene in the hot tub with the two. This weak comedy kind of verges on serious as to the futile, unimpressive, and childish exploits of this d.. head motorcycle gang, perhaps the dumbest, you'll ever see, captured. Not without interest, but this is that first film, starting block, that actors want to put behind 'em. Just ask Biehn, and he'd tell ya. Try to explain, the last frame with Rosato, who expertly flips a cigarette. Weak. Nice befitting music score opening.

Hog Wild has Michael Biehn as an All American screw up who gets tossed out of military school being at the wrong place wrong time. It's all quite disappointing to his father who's a blithering idiot but that's beside the point.

He's got to go to public high school somewhere in red state USA where a biker gang headed by Tony Rosato runs the school. Sometimes one steps reluctantly into the role of hero. But when you have the inducement of biker chick Patti D'Arbanville to win, Biehn shows the right stuff.

This gang was about as frightening as the bunch that Harvey Lembeck led in those Beach Party films. Must be their children.

This one is really dumb. Don't waste your time.

Okay it's not Revenge of the Nerds, Clint Eastwood's biker gang, or The Goonies. But it does have redeeming moments. Less than a screwball comedy. More like dry. But at least the lead players are good.

Everyone loved 'The Bull' (Tony Rosato). Who kind of reminds you of Bobcat Goldwaite with his notorious mumbling of lines. But in a far less comical manner. Bean is the Esai Morales, second-in-command tough guy 'interpreting' for The Bull. And Patti D'Arbanville shines here, as Bull's woman. Who soon grows bored with his childish antics, and falls for the nice guy. Played of course, by a very young film (and TV) veteran Michael Biehn, of 'The Magnificent Seven', 'Terminator', 'Tombstone' and other box office hits. Booted from military school, back to his hometown. Which has gone overrun by biker gang misfits. Falling for their head girl (D'Arbanville).

The script falls short in some places. But is otherwise, a decent movie night entertainment.

In terms of cinematic greatness, the film falls WAY short. However, I liked it. First off, it stars a few of the teen aged actors who were in Meatballs, which is considered to be a very good teen comedy. Gil Lasky, who played Spazz in Meatballs plays Gil Lasky, the best friend of Michael Biehan's character. Also, Keith Knight, who played Larry "Fink" Finkelstein in Meatballs has a small role as a nerdy kid named Vern who wants to join the motorcycle gang.

My favorite actor in the film was Tony Rosato, who played Bull, the leader of the motorcycle gang. He would mumble his lines, which would then be interpreted by the gang's second-in-command, Bean. Rosato went on to join the ensemble casts of SCTV and SNL at different times. He has also been an in-demand voice man for cartoons, most notably the Super Mario Bros. cartoons where he does the voice of Lugi.

The music in the film was very good. IMDb has it listed as being by someone other than the credits on the film. Most of the music was written by a guy named Dwayne Ford. There was one tune, played twice, which is a seemingly unfinished country tune called Cowboys and Rustlers, which was exceptional. I tracked down the song's author and contacted him a few years back, asking whether a complete version of the tune was ever recorded. He replied that it was never completed, and that he is still owed revenue from the producer of the film.

MARK