La mansión de los muertos vivientes

Well, first things first...

Jess Franco tries, bless him, he really does, but unfortunately the man hasn't had an original thought in his life nor would he know an erotic scenario if it bit him in the arse! (although you can be sure if that ever does happen he'll film it & stick it in a movie!). Before anyone thinks I'm just Franco bashing, I'm not, I've now seen over 60 of his movies so think I've seen enough to have a pretty good idea of what I'm talking about, I even like some!

For anyone not very knowledgeable about his work, the Franco process of film-making seems to go something like this:

1) He sees someone else's film.

2) He quickly rehashes it, adds in some god-awful ugly sex scenes, all of which takes a couple of days and hey presto, a week later the film's released!

And that's about it. I've yet to see an erotic moment in any of his films (though the moments in this one are probably the least annoying of his I've seen) and most of the naked women he's used aren't all that attractive either (although again, to be fair the women in this movie are about the best I've seen in a Franco film), so no real reprieve there.

Personally I prefer it when he leaves out the sex altogether, but even then (as is the case with 'Mansion of the Living Dead') he's so ham fisted in his approach that he generally ruins any element of horror there might've been.

Having said all that, this is still one of my top 10 Franco films, which to be fair says a whole lot more about his other films than it does this one as it's at best only decidedly average!

As a side note, on the region 1 DVD release of this Mr Franco has some very derogatory comments to be made about a certain George A. Romero which I have to say are completely out of order, not to mention contradictory (his comments about them being slow!), especially when you consider the movie Franco was rehashing here was 'Tombs of the Blind Dead' - itself a (great) movie which would never have existed had Romero not redefined the zombie, moved it into modern times and made it into what it still is today! And that's without even getting into comparing the talent of the two men, which is never going to be in Franco's favour! It basically just sounds like sour grapes, as Romero had something which still eludes Franco today - an idea!

Shame on you Jesus!

La mansión de los muertos vivientes bathes in the surreal fog of euro-horror excess, but much like its half-buried zombies, it never fully rises from the sand. There's an eerie sense of quiet to the opening minutes, an almost meditative atmosphere created by long, static shots of desolate coastlines and abandoned structures. Franco, ever the provocateur, knows how to stage a dreamlike environment, and the cinematography does try to evoke something otherworldly, though it's often undermined by flat lighting and unsteady framing. There's potential in the location work, especially the monastery ruins that seem to loom with menace, but the camera lingers too long and says too little.

The acting is exactly what you might expect from a Franco genre outing in the early 80s: languid, loosely directed, and often secondary to the film's real priorities (which, let's be honest, are sex and spectacle). Lina Romay, a frequent collaborator of Franco's, gives a performance that's oddly watchable despite the minimal material she's given. Her expressions hint at emotional undercurrents the screenplay never fully explores. The rest of the cast drifts through the scenes, seemingly as lost as the script itself, mouthing lines that feel incidental rather than essential.

Atmospherically, the film reaches for slow-burn dread, but the tension rarely sustains. Instead, the pacing feels narcotized. Scenes of nudity are as abundant as they are repetitive, lacking narrative propulsion or deeper significance. The undead monks, while conceptually intriguing, appear too briefly and with little payoff. The sound design doesn't help either, relying on stock moaning effects and a synth-heavy score that wobbles between hypnotic and outright distracting.

Still, there's something oddly captivating in how Franco commits to his bizarre cocktail of sexploitation and gothic horror. It doesn't quite work, and it certainly won't land for most audiences, but it's a curio-a fever dream framed as cinema.

Mansion of the Living Dead (1982)

* (out of 4)

I've seen around eighty or so Jess Franco flicks and this one here was probably my most desired to see. An unofficial entry into the Blind Dead series, this film takes place at a deserted hotel where four waitresses have gone for a vacation. Soon, the living dead Templars show up to sacrifice them. As is to be expected, there's all sorts of nudity and lesbian sex because the cast members, which includes Lina Romay and Eva Leon, (from Naschy's House of the Psychotic Women) are just downright horny. We get various sex scenes, which are sometimes erotic but after a while they become quite tiresome. As for the horror elements, they are incredibly weak. In the interview on the disc Franco admits he hates living dead films and he doesn't even like Romero. Franco should probably watch this film again and see how bad it is. Every single item here is deadly dull and the story makes no sense whatsoever. I actually kept myself somewhat entertained by trying to figure out what must have been in Franco's mind while coming up with the story here.

Reportedly fifth and so-so sequel of the Templars dead series , though there's absolutely no connection to it . The blind dead Templars return again from the 13th century with this eerie story in which a group of German vacationing waitresses (Lina Romay , Mabel Escaño, Mari Carmen Nieto , Elisa Vela) following the travel agency's recommendation and filled with high expectations of having a good time decide to take a few days off work to visit a sunny and dream hotel. Then they go to a completely vacant resort hotel on the Canary Islands . A mysterious director of the hotel called Savonarola, shows them to their rooms, but soon, weird events start happening and they sense strange vibes. Then the priests warriors wake up from the tomb beginning their criminal rampage . Ancient Zombies return of graves causing wreak havoc on the hotel , horrifying and torturing some beautiful women . They make a brutal massacre at the touristic hotel and the protagonists are surrounded and slashed. We find the famous blind dead zombies which rise from the tombs 500 years after to wreak havoc upon some beautiful Euro-babes . The zombie-like pack of ancient warriors priest awake and rising from the graves to kill and torture the unfortunate victims . They were condemned and eternally dammed by a doomed curse and developing a sinister cult practicing human sacrifices . A fantastic secret lies hidden behind the thick stone walls of the nearby abandoned convent which dates back to Middle Age ! . A Crazy Jess Franco Experiment!

This is a cheap Spaniard production with lack luster , low budget , including lots of nudism and strong erotic scenes . Special effects are ridiculous and embarrassing, absurd and frankly lousy. The film gets a bit slow but there's sufficient tension and creepiness. .This atmospheric and eerie horror movie contains scary scenes in which some attractive tourists come to a deserted hotel and only to find the ancient Templar monks nearby have returned as living blind dead. Of course , the better scenes result to be when appear the living dead Templars . Although being badly shot this ¨Mansion of the Living Dead¨contains atmospheric and disturbing scenes as the wailing sound of the wind blowing, adding the echoes from the empty corridors that bring chills down the spine and some strange situations linked somehow to the grim hotel history . This is allegedly the firth following of the first great success and immensely popular ¨Tombs of the Blind dead¨ which to be continued by a trilogy : ¨Return of evil dead¨, ¨Ship of Zombies or Blind dead 2¨ and ¨Blind dead 3 or The night of the sea gulls¨ , all of them directed by the craftsman Amando de Ossorio ; these Zombie-like monks were blinded by crows but they made human sacrifices and were executed and the clergymen returning eventually to the life . It was released in several countries as fifth part of the "Blind Dead" series, even though ¨Mansion of the Living Dead¨(1982) nothing to do with it . In the film appears some Spanishtrash actresses playing waitresses at a topless cabaret such as Mabel Escaño , Mari Carmen Nieto , Eva León , and of course Lina Romay , Frank's wife . Furthermore , some Franco's regulars as Albino Graziani and Antonio Mayans or Robert Foster .

Creepy and frightening music especially when the dead attack is well composed by Jess Franco himself , imitating the classic Antón Garcia Abril soundtrack . Packing an appropriate cinematography by Franco , entire film was shot on location in Gran Canaria, Canary Islands, Spain. This lack budget film was lousily written/edited/musicalized/produced/directed by prolific Jesús Franco. This is a mediocre attempt to cash of following exhausted medieval warriors saga.

I had high hopes for this one. After watching the excellent Macumba Sexual (Made around the same time, with the same locations and most of the same actors) I was expecting this one to be as good as that one. But it wasn't. Mansion of the Living Dead is one of the worst movies Jess Franco ever directed. The plot had potential, but it's not handle well. The pace is very slow and even the sex scenes drag a bit. Also, the make up of the monks is awful!

But the movie also have some good things, like the beautiful, paradise-like beach, which gives the film a certain atmosphere, very creepy in some scenes. Also good is lead actress Lina Romay, looking very hot especially in the scenes where she walks completely naked through the hotel.

From the boring sex scenes (I can't believe I just say that!) to the embarrassing attempt to create a story make this movie one of Franco's worst. Not recommended at all. Check out "Macumba Sexual" (1983) or "Gemidos de Placer" (1983) instead.