La mansión de los muertos vivientes

Jesus Franco is a director who has made dozens of horror, soft-porn crossovers that all have in common that they are being really bad ones. If you ever wondered what sort of movies Ed Wood would be making, would he still be alive today, all you have to do is pick up any random Jesus Franco movie.

By credit this movie is a remake of the 1971 Spanish horror-classic "La noche del terror ciego" but quite frankly, this movie has very little or nothing to do with that movie. Seriously, don't watch this movie expecting an horror, for this movie is more all about its nudity and lesbian fondling than about any horror. As a matter of fact there aren't even scares or graphic killings in this movie. Just a couple of hooded men standing around and occasionally, not so graphically, raping a girl.

As always, the story is an absolute mess and very little in the movie is making sense. The way the entire movie is progressing is laughable and just very far from convincing. It has some really stupid characters in it, that you just don't ever care about. Jesus Franco doesn't seem to be able to see and fill up any gaping plot-holes, or he just simply doesn't care about it. Either way it's a bad thing.

And yes well, then there are some of the sex sequences that literally come out of nowhere often and show absolutely nothing. I don't even think that the lovers of soft-core porn flicks are going to get excited by anything that gets shown or done in this movie.

Again Jesus Franco uses his own wife Lina Romay in the movie as the main lead. Like all of the other girls she spends most of her time walking around naked in the movie. The girls in this movie are either being naked, having sex with each other, getting raped by a man, or talking each others head of, like a bunch of annoying, loud, naive, helpless, chicken.

I must say though that I still enjoy watching older Franco movies better than the newer ones, that he is still making this present day and age. At least these movies still had a bit of style over them and got shot at location instead of in a studio or in the garden of one of the cast-members.

Trademark bad Jesus Franco stuff.

3/10

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A view on a pristine, impeccable beach. Suddenly the camera zooms onto an ugly, rusty iron drum. Behind a facade of beauty, a perfect holiday site, decay has set in. It's this surreal symbolism that often keeps a Jess Franco movie above the average exploitation flicks, and "Mansion of the Living Dead" continued his best works of the 70s better than most of his movies from the 80s. It was shot at Gran Canaria in a deserted hotel, where 4 waitresses arrive for their holidays. Although they are assured the hotel is almost fully booked, they meet nobody and they sense there is something wrong here. In a long, beautiful scene without any dialog, one of the girls walks to an old church, while a stormy wind rings the church bell and shakes the branches of the palm trees. As a counterpoint to this slowly created spooky atmosphere, Franco introduces a crazy gardener for comic relief and of course shows what the girls do in their hotel room for the carnal element of the show ;-). But horror prevails as an order of undead satanic monks - many viewers feel reminded of the Spanish classic "Tombs of the Blind Dead" here - tries to get hold of the chicas for sacrifice... Not perfect, but recommendable.

Mansion of the Living Dead (1982)

* (out of 4)

I've seen around eighty or so Jess Franco flicks and this one here was probably my most desired to see. An unofficial entry into the Blind Dead series, this film takes place at a deserted hotel where four waitresses have gone for a vacation. Soon, the living dead Templars show up to sacrifice them. As is to be expected, there's all sorts of nudity and lesbian sex because the cast members, which includes Lina Romay and Eva Leon, (from Naschy's House of the Psychotic Women) are just downright horny. We get various sex scenes, which are sometimes erotic but after a while they become quite tiresome. As for the horror elements, they are incredibly weak. In the interview on the disc Franco admits he hates living dead films and he doesn't even like Romero. Franco should probably watch this film again and see how bad it is. Every single item here is deadly dull and the story makes no sense whatsoever. I actually kept myself somewhat entertained by trying to figure out what must have been in Franco's mind while coming up with the story here.

Reportedly fifth and so-so sequel of the Templars dead series , though there's absolutely no connection to it . The blind dead Templars return again from the 13th century with this eerie story in which a group of German vacationing waitresses (Lina Romay , Mabel Escaño, Mari Carmen Nieto , Elisa Vela) following the travel agency's recommendation and filled with high expectations of having a good time decide to take a few days off work to visit a sunny and dream hotel. Then they go to a completely vacant resort hotel on the Canary Islands . A mysterious director of the hotel called Savonarola, shows them to their rooms, but soon, weird events start happening and they sense strange vibes. Then the priests warriors wake up from the tomb beginning their criminal rampage . Ancient Zombies return of graves causing wreak havoc on the hotel , horrifying and torturing some beautiful women . They make a brutal massacre at the touristic hotel and the protagonists are surrounded and slashed. We find the famous blind dead zombies which rise from the tombs 500 years after to wreak havoc upon some beautiful Euro-babes . The zombie-like pack of ancient warriors priest awake and rising from the graves to kill and torture the unfortunate victims . They were condemned and eternally dammed by a doomed curse and developing a sinister cult practicing human sacrifices . A fantastic secret lies hidden behind the thick stone walls of the nearby abandoned convent which dates back to Middle Age ! . A Crazy Jess Franco Experiment!

This is a cheap Spaniard production with lack luster , low budget , including lots of nudism and strong erotic scenes . Special effects are ridiculous and embarrassing, absurd and frankly lousy. The film gets a bit slow but there's sufficient tension and creepiness. .This atmospheric and eerie horror movie contains scary scenes in which some attractive tourists come to a deserted hotel and only to find the ancient Templar monks nearby have returned as living blind dead. Of course , the better scenes result to be when appear the living dead Templars . Although being badly shot this ¨Mansion of the Living Dead¨contains atmospheric and disturbing scenes as the wailing sound of the wind blowing, adding the echoes from the empty corridors that bring chills down the spine and some strange situations linked somehow to the grim hotel history . This is allegedly the firth following of the first great success and immensely popular ¨Tombs of the Blind dead¨ which to be continued by a trilogy : ¨Return of evil dead¨, ¨Ship of Zombies or Blind dead 2¨ and ¨Blind dead 3 or The night of the sea gulls¨ , all of them directed by the craftsman Amando de Ossorio ; these Zombie-like monks were blinded by crows but they made human sacrifices and were executed and the clergymen returning eventually to the life . It was released in several countries as fifth part of the "Blind Dead" series, even though ¨Mansion of the Living Dead¨(1982) nothing to do with it . In the film appears some Spanishtrash actresses playing waitresses at a topless cabaret such as Mabel Escaño , Mari Carmen Nieto , Eva León , and of course Lina Romay , Frank's wife . Furthermore , some Franco's regulars as Albino Graziani and Antonio Mayans or Robert Foster .

Creepy and frightening music especially when the dead attack is well composed by Jess Franco himself , imitating the classic Antón Garcia Abril soundtrack . Packing an appropriate cinematography by Franco , entire film was shot on location in Gran Canaria, Canary Islands, Spain. This lack budget film was lousily written/edited/musicalized/produced/directed by prolific Jesús Franco. This is a mediocre attempt to cash of following exhausted medieval warriors saga.

As I am a true adept of all pulp, trash and schlock, I really like some of Jesús Franco's work (some directed under pseudonyms) - Vampyros Lesbos, She Killed in Ecstasy, Venus in Furs, Count Dracula, Eugenie de Sade, Mondo cannibale and others are well made and entertaining movies empowered by the powers of cheese and pulp, some starring actors like Christopher Lee, Klaus Kinski. Sadly, La mansión de los muertos vivientes or Mansion of the Dead is no such trashy and spicy piece - neither the art of horror nor the powers of Venus are strong in this one. The cinematography is also not good. A few days ago I put this one on my screen and cannot say if I ever watched this one before ore not. Anyway, this time I used the fast forward button rather freely and wondered the whole time why Franco made this boring and tasteless piece. To all who do not know his work, don't watch this one (first), put some of the movies I mentioned on your screen, or try other ones, on Imdb the maestro got directing credits for 206 movies...