Movimientos ardientes

'Hot Moves' is one of the *many* "teen sex comedies" from the 80s. A few you may remember--'Porky's', 'Spring Break'--a couple you might know if you had Cinemax growing up. Most are on the level of 'Hot Moves'. This was a thrift store, VHS(!), find. I love this genre, and had never seen or heard of it before, so I faced the accusing glare of the cashier and gladly plunked down my .99 for what appeared to be an original video store rental copy.

It gets off to a bit of a clunky start, but once it gets rolling it's pretty fun. The plot is actually very similar to 'American Pie', and the four leads--who all look like actual high schoolers instead of the customary 80s teen who is played by a 35 year old--are all pretty charming and have good chemistry together. Save for the copious nudity, and there's a bunch (at one point there's a scene on a nude beach where a large group of women recreate the iconic scene from 'Chariots of Fire') it's all harmless fun. Not a movie for a Women's Studies major or anyone with an allergy to the 80s, but a decent time if you like the genre.

This film seems to be the 80s version of American Pie: Four loser virgins who want to get laid make a pact to help each other and go about finding girls to screw. If you look at it closely, the characters are even similar and there's the one guy with the girlfriend who thinks that sex is the only thing important to him.

Anyway, the girls look great and there are heaps of funny scenes worth catching, especially at the end. So if you haven't seen it, check it out.

The move was obviously made with the Porky's genre in mind. Unfortunately it was retardedly funny, and the naked women every 15 minutes sucked you in. Total guilty pleasure. I would not rent it, but if it was real late night pay-cable (on a commercial channel this movie would be horrendous), I might watch it again - as long as no one else knew.

"Hot Moves" wasn't exactly a big grosser when it was released to theaters, a big reason probably being that the teenage sex comedy genre was all but dead at that time. But I think a bigger reason why the movie never took off was because it's an AWFUL movie. For starters, there's no real plot on display here - it's pretty much just a collection of vignettes with the loosest of threads holding them together. And while the movie attempts to be comic with just about every vignette, the results are absolutely without any laughs. When it comes to sex and nudity, there is less of that here than you might think - I think there are only three scenes where nudity is on display (though the second scene is jam-packed with naked women.) The cast shows some talent, but the way they are directed makes them come across as alike, without any individualism. There's nothing in this movie that may make it worth a rental to anyone.

The year was 2006. I had some spare time one night, so I decided to go to a local video store to pick up a movie, and this particular store just so happened to still carry titles on VHS. Being a fan of 80s comedies (specifically "sex comedies"), I was immediately drawn to a tape called "Hot Moves". The cover art and synopsis on the back cover had me very curious, so I went for it (along with the classics "Revenge of the Nerds II - Nerds in Paradise" and "National Lampoon's Class Reunion").

I didn't have my hopes too high, but when I got home and popped the tape into the VCR, it definitely exceeded my hopes! First of all, how can anyone not like a movie where the theme song is by British heavy metal band Raven?? Now, it's not the best sex comedy out there in terms of production quality, but it certainly has memorable moments and enjoyable characters. The plot is simple: four high school friends from Venice Beach make a pact to "get laid" before the end of the summer. That's it, plain and simple. But the measures they go through to achieve this goal definitely has some hilarious outcomes. The four leading men are:

Michael (Adam Silbar), the "main" character. Michael is the somewhat smooth-talking leader of the group, and is actually a bit of a jerk to his girlfriend Julie Ann (Jill Schoelen, "Babes in Toyland", "The Stepfather"), because she isn't ready to go "all the way". Enter a sexy acquaintance (Debi Richter), and there is trouble in paradise!

Barry (Michael Zorek, "Private School", "Teen Wolf Too") is the, um, "heaviest" of the bunch, and steals every scene he's in! The funniest scenes definitely revolve around him. He even chugs a bottle of ketchup like it's nobody's business!

Joey (Jeff Fishman) is the short, skinny, shy, most awkward (and probably most desperate) member of the gang. His most memorable scene involves the boys taking him downtown to get a prostitute. Hilarity ensues.

Scotty (Johnny Timko) is the blond member of the group, and is (in my opinion) the dullest and least memorable character here. He has a funny scene involving a paper route, but he's pretty forgettable in every other scene he's in.

What I disliked the most about this movie is all that filler. So many pointless scenes of people on Venice Beach skateboarding, body-building, break-dancing, there's even a mime at one point! These scenes were obviously thrown in as an attempt to stretch out its short running time. Even with all these scenes, the movie runs under 90 minutes.

Another complaint I have is the music. Other than the theme song by Raven, the music in here is absolutely awful! I understand that this is a low-budget comedy, and that most of the music was made especially for the film, but I still think they could have made better music for the movie.

That being said, those things aren't enough to ruin the movie, at least not for me. A big saving grace here is the great chemistry between the four main actors. It actually feels like they're old friends, and those scenes of them sitting at their table at the bowling alley are among some of the best scenes in the movie. Long story short, this is an enjoyable sex-comedy from the 80s, and is better than any sequel that "Porky's" ever squeezed out.

A review by Jex Russell