Goblins

Ever seen a movie that actually caused you pain to watch? This is movie is the poster child of that. The only reason I watched it at all was because it was on MST3K. HOBGOBLINS is without a doubt the worst movie I have ever seen in my entire life.

The story is stupid, so I won't go into much detail. I don't really remember many of the characters anyway. A loser named Kevin (Tom Bartlett) is trying to make his annoying and non-supportive girlfriend proud of him, so he takes a job as a security guard and unleashes a band of stupid-looking puppets called Hobgoblins, who kill people by giving them what they really want. The way this leads to people getting killed is very idiotic. The hobgoblins go on a rampage which results in one guy getting hurt a little and a car getting destroyed. The ending is also stupid and not worth bringing up.

The acting is the worst I have ever seen. None of the actors went anywhere after this movie, nor did any of them deserve to. The special effects, if you can really call them that, were unforgivable. The hobgoblins themselves are the most fake looking puppets I have ever seen.

Unless in MST3K, this movie should be avoided at all costs. I am only praying that some day the government will burn every copy still around, or maybe use it as a weapon in the army someday.

So there's an old security guard and a guy who dies and then there's KEVIN, the world's biggest wuss. Kevin wants to impress his incredibly insensitive, bratty, and virginal girlfriend AMY. As he returns from work to... a random house... he finds his "friends," the sexually confusing red-shorted KYLE and the truly revolting sluttish DAPHNE. They are soon joined by Daphne's boyfriend, the trigger-happy sex-crazed macho lunkhead NICK. And there's the title creatures, horrid little dogeared puppets who kill people by giving them their heart's desire. Kyle's heart's desire is to mate with a creepy, yucky woman in spandex. Nick's heart's desire is to throw grenades in a grade school cafeteria-- I mean nightclub. Kevin's heart's desire is to beat up a skinny thug with nunchucks. Amy's heart's desire is to be a disgusting slut. Daphne's already a disgusting slut, so she doesn't have a heart's desire. Along the way a truly hideous band sings a truly odd song. The hobgoblins randomly go back to where they came from then blow up. "Citizen Kane" cannot hold a candle to this true masterpiece of American cinema.

Hobgoblins....Hobgoblins....where do I begin?!?

This film gives Manos - The Hands of Fate and Future War a run for their money as the worst film ever made. This one is fun to laugh at, where as Manos was just painful to watch. Hobgoblins will end up in a time capsule somewhere as the perfect movie to describe the term: "80's cheeze". The acting (and I am using this term loosely) is atrocious, the Hobgoblins are some of the worst puppets you will ever see, and the garden tool fight has to be seen to be believed. The movie was the perfect vehicle for MST3K, and that version is the only way to watch this mess. This movie gives Mike and the bots lots of ammunition to pull some of the funniest one-liners they have ever done. If you try to watch this without the help of Mike and the bots.....God help you!!

This is a very, very bad film but I can't bring myself to give it a 1 simply because the film never takes itself seriously. It realizes it's garbage and makes no apologies--a bad movie that never tries to be anything more! The film is about an old movie studio that's no longer functioning. When young guys are given jobs here as security guards, they have a habit of dying--and the old guy working with them doesn't do a whole lot to stop this until our hero (i.e., a big wuss) saves the old guy and the oldster tells him about the hobgoblins that live there. These creatures grant people whatever wish they want but end up killing them in the process. A not particularly good deal if you ask me. When these things get loose and attack the neighborhood, it's time to destroy these malevolent pests.

The film is an obvious knock-off of GREMLINS, though with practically no budget and actors who are ALL worse than Zack Galligan!!! But the most hilariously bad part of the film are the hobgoblins which are nothing more than cheap puppets--not much more realistic than ones kids might get from Toys R Us! They obviously are not animated in any way and flail about like stuffed animals--really, really crappy ones.

Overall, there's really not reason to watch this dumb film unless you are a masochist who likes bad films! Don't say I didn't warn you!

This movie is not just bad, not just corny, it is repulsive. Something about Daphne, about the creepy call-girl, about the whole damn (and I use the word literally) film radiates a grotesquery that would offend a brothel mistress. This film makes my skin crawl, makes me regret having reproductive organs, and makes me feel unclean.

One of the things that bothers me most about this movie is that they used such a good concept. A creature that makes fantasies with disastrous results, rather than the cliché Worst Nightmare and the overdone Twisted Wish, is a truly fascinating film idea.

Thought: The reason why hobgoblins need to be killed before day is that they are attracted to bright lights. During the day, bright lights don't show up well, so they could go anywhere.

Count the Hobgoblins: Four hobgoblins drive out of the film studio, and yet at least nine of the pernicious plush-toys are killed throughout the course of the movie.

Discussion Question: If you had a frigid, demanding, unappreciative girlfriend, would you enter garden-tool-combat with a military chunkhead? Explain.