La guerra infinita

2.5 out of 10? Really? It's not that bad for what I'd like to call - along with ELIMINATORS - a proto-video game movie. Say you're working at your standard schlock factory - i.e. Empire Pictures - and you and six of your other director friends do a semi-anthology piece for fun together. You end up with this ....

Think DRAGON'S LAIR with a Clark Kentish nerd in Subzero's ninja get-up from MORTAL KOMBAT, only instead of a dragon there's Bull Shannon from NIGHT COURT as the villain. When you're done laughing, crack open your beer. Now here's the punchline: you can watch it with your kids. No boobs, no blood. When you're done doing a spit take, wipe your mouth, and give it a shot.

Vintage essence of 1980s in a bottle, stop-motion courtesy of Dave Allen - of LASERBLAST infamy, and a Charles Band soundtrack.

~Ray

.Jeffrey Byron stars as a computer technician who, along with girlfriend Leslie Wing, gets transported to another dimension to do battle with Mestema (Richard Moll from TV's Night Court). Mestema is a Satan-like evil wizard who wants to pit his magical prowess against the technology of the hero. He does so by transporting the newly-outfitted computer tech to various scenarios that he then has to escape from/defeat the monstrous villains in his way. These scenarios include an ice cave filled with random statuary (a wolfman, a witch doctor, Jack the Ripper) that come to life and attack him; a cave with a little horned troll on a throne who commands zombie warriors; another cave (sensing a trend here?) with yet another horned troll; another scene takes place in a nightclub during a stage performance by the hairmetal band W.A.S.P., because why not? Each segment was written and directed by different people, 7 in all, which helps explain the lack of tonal consistency. Fans of garbage 80's genre cinema may find something to chew on, but most viewers should avoid.

This movie is not at all that bad. I rate it a 6 which averages out to *** out of ***** stars. There is some nice stop-motion animation by David Allen and some fine make-up effects, included a neat little creature puppet. The " Heavy Metal " segment directed by Charles BaNd does not have much of a point so this is sort of the downfall on the movie. The acting is somewhat corny but what do you expect. It would have been better if David Allen's sequence--Stone Canyon Giant--would have been longer. It is a fine model and the animation is rather smooth. There are only about 12 stop-motion shots, If there were 20 and add a little more plot to this sequence (the actual sequence lasted only about 6-7 minutes but the giant didn't really get to do anything except chase the protagonist around some large rocks before it gets destroyed. If you liked this movie ok and gave it *** or more you should see----Laserblast, Ghoulies 2, and Robot Wars.

Well before its time, the dungeonmaster held me in suspense for hours after viewing it. Chocked full of ingenious lines unparalled by contemporary scripts, this movie provides for an hour and a half of pure entertainment. Richard Moll makes this movie by delivering line after line of unfiltered brilliance...at one point I had to cover my ears because I could not physically or mentally handle his vivid intensity. The line "I reject your reality, and I substitute my own" has no equal. They should require a screening of this movie annually for all Americans. Appreciated by few, hated by almost all, this movie is unbelievable.

Aahh... One from back in the days when Charles Band still made *cough* great *cough* movies... I saw this one countless times as a kid, and believe it or not, it was just too much fun re-watching it last week. I admit, it's not a very good movie. In fact, you can hardly call it a real movie. It's more like a collection of shorts, much like an anthology movie. But the main characters remain the same throughout all segments and there is an on-going story present.

If you like your 80's cheese fantastically melted, then you're going to have more than a mouthful with THE DUNGEONMASTER. Jeff Byron plays computer-geek Paul (with a computer called "Cal" installed in his... glasses, no less) with a beautiful girlfriend. Absolutely for no reason at all, he and the girl suddenly get zapped to another dimension where Mestema reigns. Mestema (Richard Moll with evil make-up, very appropriately acting the part), is some devil-demon-dude who is just bored out of his wits, and decides to have some fun by subjecting Paul to seven challenges. This is where the fun begins!

THE DUNGEONMASTER simply is an excuse to display as much 80's special effects wizardry and cram as much horror/sci-fi/fantasy you can in one movie. All segments are utterly pointless. The whole movie is, for that matter - I think the point is: If Paul loses one of the challenges, Mestema gets the girl. Or something. But what matters is: THE DUNGEONMASTER is just too much fun. Especially if you still carry the child within, as they say, and allow yourself to be amazed and entertained by this old school SFX extravaganza.

We've got a claymation giant made out of stone. Trolls. Zombies. A little devil puppet-dude. A werewolf. Blackie Lawless and his band W.A.S.P. performing. A serial killer. Post-Apocalyptic mutant-bikers. Animated dragons. And much, much more... I ask you: How can you not have fun with this film? Also, go take a look at the full crew involved in the making of this film. We are talking the pre-Full Moon dream team here: Charles Band, Richard Band, David Allen, John Carl Buecher, Patrick Manoogian, Ted Nicolaou,...

I admit, when people should give this a first time watch in this day and age, they'll probably call it a bad movie. But if you grew up on silly nonsense like this, there really is no substitute.

So yeah, I should call this a guilty pleasure, but I honestly love this flick. So don't hold my rating against me.