Cavegirl

1st watched 9/13/2014 – 3 out of 10 (Dir-David Oliver): *review based on 85 minute VHS version* Goofy back in time teen sex comedy attempt about a high school student, played by Daniel Roebuck, who is fond of the prehistoric times but looked at as a geek to the girls. The class takes a field trip to a mine and the combination of a glowing crystal and a mistaken government missile test hitting the cave amazingly transports the student – Rex – to the cave people times. A sexy young cave girl, played by Cindy Ann Thompson, wakes him up the next morning and he spends the next half hour of the movie trying to have sex with her while they teach each other their languages. There are a couple of slightly funny scenes – one particular one where the cave men try to destroy a flashlight, and a slight chuckle occurs when Rex asks the cavegirl to sit on his face - juvenile humor, of course, but brought an unexpected response from me. We get to see plenty of Cindy Ann's gorgeous body, but besides this there isn't much else worthwhile to get from this movie. It is a blatant attempt by Crown Pictures to pander to the teen audience even though the movie is Rated "R" with the theatrical trailer showing all of the nude scenes!! This is typical of the 80's where the titillation takes center stage and the movie falls flat on it's face…skip this one unless you're interested in Cindy Ann.

Cave Girl is a humorous tongue in cheek romantic comedy that follows the romantic relationship of bumbling modern day Rex and beautiful and sexy pre-historic cave girl Eba. The movie follows the bumbling Rex through a series of slapstick pranks and mishaps that culminate in his transport 25,000 years back in time to meet and fall in love with the beautiful Eba. And, along the way, Rex becomes a man that saves Eba and the rest of the local clan from cannibals. Eventually, though, Rex and Eba must face reality. Will Rex return to his own time, where Eba cannot possible fit in, or will he stay and build a life with Eba and the rest of the tribe. This movie is a humorous, and at times poignant, look at the trials, tribulations, opportunities and decisions that young people often face as they come of age. Well worth a look.

Yep you guessed it, it's bad movie night again.. and here is your host.. me!! Today's specimen under review is one of the many 'hilarious' teen sex comedies made during the 80's. Unfortunately, we have to keep it under lock and key because of fears that its utter crappiness could be contagious, but hopefully this review will be enough to convince you to avoid it with the same sort of fervour you'd usually reserve for the bubonic plague.

In a nutshell: A school nerd, publicly derided by everybody around him, gets accidentally sent back in time due to nuclear testing around an archaeological site. He finds himself in an era populated by long-haired Neanderthals wearing suspiciously modern looking clothing, and seems to be in a lot of trouble until he meets the only blonde blue-eyed virgin among them. Together they get involved in spectacularly boring encounters with wild bears and big cats (what, no dinosaurs?) while the nerd tries to teach his new primitive girlfriend English and have his way with her, but just failing every time. Eventually, things come to a head between our babe's clan and a rival tribe of cannibals. Can our weedy hero use his 20th century know-how to save the day and return to his own time, or is he doomed to a life of eating plants and sleeping on rocks?

The opening five minutes sets the tone of this soft-core sleaze-fest, with a bunch of topless busty beauties chasing the doofus out of their changing-room in super slow mo. The whole script seems geared towards him and this stone age chick getting it on, but when the scene eventually arrives, it is extremely underwhelming, and lasts for all of five seconds before cutting to yet another sappy pop song (of which there are plenty). The complete lack of attention to detail in history and the non-performances exhibited by the cast, are forgivable, after all this isn't exactly Shakespeare. What isn't so pardonable though, is the script, which is as boring as hell and make the film a real chore to sit through. Frankly, seeing a bunch of amateur actors in fake animal-skins grunting at each other for an hour and a half with occasional diversions to very mild nudity and unfunny slapstick comedy is not my cup of tea. Neither would be yours if you have any sense. A 1/10 from me, and next time you go back to 2 million B.C, take this video with you and bury it there, will you?

Although it had a horrible storyline, the one perk was the beautiful Cynthia Thompson. She stole my heart in this movie. I would watch it again just to see her. It is reminiscence of Ringo Starr's Caveman, all the campiness of an Ernest movie. Cyntia Thompson and Ringo should collaborate and make a really great prehistoric movie. If not for the nude scenes and and a few other things, children may have very well made this movie a hit. Kids love these type of movies. Too bad it ended up on the all time worst list. It is also too bad Cynthia Ann Thompson has not done a lot more in her career. I would love to see her do some fairy tale movies for the kids (and for me). She has such a beautiful face and smile.

No doubt about it, this was absurd. That doesn't mean I didn't like it, though. You can thank the gratuitous nudity for that. It starts off fairly decent when Rex (Daniel Roebuck) is caught in the middle of a practical joke and is in the women's locker room with at least 4 topless women. Good start it my book.

Anyhow, on what seems to be some kind of class field trip or something, Rex ends up going back in time by about 25,000 years or so and meets a tribe or family of cavemen (and cavegirls). This is where he meets Eba (Cynthia Thompson), the cavegirl I assume the title of this movie refers to. Eba is very hot when compared to the other cavegirls of this era, one of whom is a hefty old heifer who can't keep her breasts covered around Rex. Naturally, Rex falls for Eba and cheesy 80's hilariousness ensues.

I can compare this movie to Teen Wolf, Weird Science or movies like that, although not nearly as good.. and with nudity. What can I say, that's what kept me around. Cavegirl is not even close to flawless, but it wasn't too horrible to finish watching, unlike Savage Roses or A Home At The End Of The World. 6/10