Fuego blanco

The plot for White Fire is utterly atrocious, the direction stinks, and the acting is diabolical, and yet there's still quite a bit of fun to be had with this goofy '80s action film starring straight-to-video tough-guy Robert Ginty.

The film opens with a family trying to escape from Russia. The mother is shot and the father incinerated by flamethrower, but the two kids, Bo and Ingrid, are helped by a friendly smuggler called Sam (Jess Hahn), who raises them and teaches them the art of thievery. Twenty years later, and Sam, Bo (Ginty) and Ingrid (Belinda Mayne) are working a racket at a Turkish diamond mine (regulation uniform: red or blue jumpsuit with black and gold accessories), but other parties also want in on the action, especially when the world's biggest diamond, the White Fire, is discovered in one of the old tunnels (although I'm not sure what they intend to do with a highly radioactive diamond that burns anyone who touches it).

So far so mediocre, but the film gets more interesting once a group of Italian criminals led by Sophia (played by the beautiful but not very talented Mirella Banti) enter the picture and try to relieve Bo and Ingrid of their latest haul of gems: a fight breaks out that sees Bo stabbing two men with a knife and picking up a handy chainsaw to slice one guy in the leg and another in the stomach; meanwhile, Ingrid impales a guy with a boat-hook. Our hero and heroine aren't averse to killing when necessary, providing the film with cheapo gore galore, the action accompanied by a really naff theme song: great stuff!

Shortly after, the White Fire is discovered in an abandoned part of the mine, and one-time peplum star Gordon Mitchell (modelling the red jumpsuit) uses a pickaxe to kill the man who found it. Mitchell's acting might even be worse than Banti's.

That evening, Bo is chatting to Sam, who is preparing food while Ingrid takes a naked swim in the pool. When dinner is served, Bo goes to find Ingrid, which is when we get the film's most memorable scene - unforgettable for all the wrong reasons. Ingrid is showering naked when Bo surprises her by shaking the leaves of a bush. And talking of bush, Bo makes sure he gets a good look at his sister's by whipping off her towel. As if that wasn't creepy enough, he makes sleazy remarks such as 'You sure don't look like anybody's kid sister any more, do you?' and 'You know, it's a pity you're my sister'. Yes, our hero has an incestuous yearning for his sibling (admittedly, she's got a rocking body, but even so...).

Instead of dropping the dodgy incest angle, the film pursues it further after Ingrid is murdered by bad guys (no, Bo doesn't turn to necrophilia, but what follows is still quite perverted). While drowning his sorrows at a bar, Bo meets a woman named Olga (Diana Goodman) who bears a passing resemblance to his dead sister. When Sam meets the woman, he hatches a plot to steal the White Fire that involves Olga getting plastic surgery to make her look even more like Ingrid. Olga agrees to the operation - she is being hunted by a ruthless criminal called Noah (Fred Williamson), so this is the perfect answer to her problem - and emerges as Ingrid's doppelganger (played by Mayne again), after which she and Bo develop a romantic relationship. Looks like Bo will get to boff his 'sister' after all!

The film's finalé sees everyone converging at the diamond mine for a chaotic gun battle featuring plenty of bloody squibs, explosions, and some injurious stunts (one guy catching fire during an explosion didn't look planned to me). To ensure that his audience is left totally non-plussed, director Jean-Marie Pallardy has the White Fire spontaneously explode, meaning that no-one gets the prize. Well, no-one except for Bo, who walks into the sunset with Olga/Ingrid, no doubt planning to satisfy his incestuous urges.

While White Fire is unlikely to appeal to the average movie fan, those who enjoy trash cinema should find the film's clumsy storytelling and more exploitative elements quite entertaining. Oh, and anyone with a moustache fetish will be in heaven: both Ginty and Williamson sport impressive 'taches, as do most of the male extras. 5.5/10, rounded up to 6 for Ginty's lilac scarf - quite a bold choice for an '80s action hero.

Superbly trashy and wondrously unpretentious 80's exploitation, hooray! The pre-credits opening sequences somewhat give the false impression that we're dealing with a serious and harrowing drama, but you need not fear because barely ten minutes later we're up until our necks in nonsensical chainsaw battles, rough fist-fights, lurid dialogs and gratuitous nudity! Bo and Ingrid are two orphaned siblings with an unusually close and even slightly perverted relationship. Can you imagine playfully ripping off the towel that covers your sister's naked body and then stare at her unshaven genitals for several whole minutes? Well, Bo does that to his sister and, judging by her dubbed laughter, she doesn't mind at all. Sick, dude! Anyway, as kids they fled from Russia with their parents, but nasty soldiers brutally slaughtered mommy and daddy. A friendly smuggler took custody over them, however, and even raised and trained Bo and Ingrid into expert smugglers. When the actual plot lifts off, 20 years later, they're facing their ultimate quest as the mythical and incredibly valuable White Fire diamond is coincidentally found in a mine. Very few things in life ever made as little sense as the plot and narrative structure of "White Fire", but it sure is a lot of fun to watch. Most of the time you have no clue who's beating up who or for what cause (and I bet the actors understood even less) but whatever! The violence is magnificently grotesque and every single plot twist is pleasingly retarded. The script goes totally bonkers beyond repair when suddenly – and I won't reveal for what reason – Bo needs a replacement for Ingrid and Fred Williamson enters the scene with a big cigar in his mouth and his sleazy black fingers all over the local prostitutes. Bo's principal opponent is an Italian chick with big breasts but a hideous accent, the preposterous but catchy theme song plays at least a dozen times throughout the film, there's the obligatory "we're-falling-in-love" montage and loads of other attractions! My God, what a brilliant experience. The original French title translates itself as "Life to Survive", which is uniquely appropriate because it makes just as much sense as the rest of the movie: None!

I appreciate that 'White Fire' kicks off with a scene of action-adventure. I also appreciate that the movie has no illusions about what it is; we are informed from the very start that this is a B-movie. While I suppose one could argue for either sincere effort versus tongue-in-cheek goofiness, it seems clear to me that almost everything is crafted to be only Just Enough. In how scenes are written and in how they're executed, this belongs to a subset of genre flicks where flimsy, sometimes ham-fisted dialogue is inserted in an attempt to boost the sense of urgency about action violence that is distinctly staged. Scenes effectively convey their course of events, sure, but without any meaningful thrills, impact, or genuineness. I'm unsure which is more dubious and unconvincing - Jean-Marie Pallardy's direction, or the scene writing in a screenplay variably attributed to Pallardy himself, or to Ted Francis.

Just when we're granted a fleeting moment of enticing value, in the next instant that potential worth is undercut by one means or another. Scenes that by their content should impart great emotional weight are bereft, and forced, especially with the accompaniment of an 80s rock ballad. Blood and gore is generally simply adequate, and sometimes plainly seems a bit much - though in fairness, other practical effects including explosions look good. Nudity is only ever gratuitous - and for the ways in which it's employed in at least a couple instances, altogether questionable. Characters seem to be free of the burdens of noteworthy intelligence or feeling - or maybe that's a flaw with the acting. Perhaps I'm overly generous, yet not least of all in light of how lackadaisical and flailing Pallardy's direction is at large, I'm inclined to think the often less than credible performances can be chalked up less to a failure of the cast, and more to the filmmaker's unmistakably feeble guidance. Delivery, expressions, and basic movements and individual actions mirror the scene writing with blunt portrayal and disingenuous, unnatural pacing. This isn't to say that the acting is all bad; I feel like Belinda Mayne in particular sometimes offers up some gratifying heart when it's needed most. But, for the most part, she stands alone.

Even Jon Lord's upbeat score, broadly defined with 80s album rock sensibilities and instrumentation, tends to echo the ham-handed, "Yep, this is definitely a good take, let's move on" slant of this action-adventure romp. So it is with the camerawork, too. On the other hand, filming locations are fetching at times, and the attention for hair and wardrobe, and I admire the ambition reflected in these and the set design; one is led to think that to some degree 'White Fire' cheekily tried to mimic James Bond. And, why - okay, the scene writing is suspect, characters are lacking, and dialogue is outright hackneyed at points. However, in concept I think there are good ideas in the narrative; the pursuit of a valuable MacGuffin by diamond smugglers and various criminals holds promise, and there is still other minor cleverness in the tale that could have been teased out into bolder, more engrossing directions.

At the same time, the plot begins to fall apart in the details. It's not always clear how certain characters or extras become involved, or why the scene shifts to a particular location. There are absolutely times when the course of events just doesn't feel cohesive - including the climax, which comes and goes rather abruptly. Above all, though - wholly bizarre and worse than any of this - is male protagonist Bo's relationship with his sister Ingrid; his reactions to her and to another woman, Olga, that enters the story; and the direly unbelievable emotions that are or are not felt throughout it all. I don't wish to betray plot points here, but suffice to say that I was wholly flabbergasted by this aspect of the feature. It could have used to build a different kind of story, but not in a picture as direct as this one is.

This isn't all bad. It's passably entertaining, in its own way, and I see what the film could have been in more capable hands. Yet that's just it - Pallardy's contribution as director is more harm than help, the writing in a mess in every way, and actors mostly can't break through the constraints placed on them. And, once more for emphasis, the dynamics between Bo and Ingrid, and especially between Bo and Olga, are mind-blowing to the point of being problematic. What IS this movie?

There's no reason at all to go out of your way for 'White Fire,' but if you happen to come across it, there are worse ways to spend 100 minutes. Anyone considering a view just certainly needs to bear in mind inarguable deficiencies and indelicacies that detract significantly from the entertainment on hand.

It is important that you watch the big box TWE VHS tape which has a clear vibrant picture instead of the fuzzy washed out DVD put out by Westlake entertainment. Like many old movies, the DVD is made from a far inferior print to the VHS. You really want a nice clear look at Belinda Mayne's body.

There are a couple of scenes that make this movie a classic. The one that comes to mind is Spectacular Belinda Mayne taking a nude swim and providing full frontal nudity view of her spectacular body. Think a Ursula Andress, but better looking and nude. After some playful banter with her brother, Ingrid (Belinda's character) is attacked by a gang and uses martial arts while wearing only a white towel to kill or dispatch them.

The movie is fun, campy and watchable. You might also enjoy the sadistic female villain.

White Fire has so much going for it. With Larry Bird look-alike Robert Ginty leading the charge blazing away with his fabulous hair and super macho mustache, the movie soars above other low-budget actioners. The charisma he has in this makes Tom Selleck look like a putz. With Ginty beating up everyone, the movie only rises in awesomeness when a story of diamond intrigue enters into play. Then add in Fred Williamson, some frontal bush, chainsaw attacks and some awesome incest themes....this flick ends up delivering on all cylinders. If you're looking for some awesome B-Action, this is where it's at. Now, if I can just get my hands on that soundtrack.