Bolero

I actually went to a midnight showing of "Bolero" the first Saturday it came out. I was with a bunch of friends from college. We thought, "the reviewers must be mad. How bad can a film with Bo Derek in it, be?"

This was bad. I'll sum this up by reporting the thing that has been in my mind about this film for the past 19 years.

There was scattered laughter coming from the theater throughout the showing. I couldn't help it, I burst out laughing too at the slow dialogue, bad acting, etc. But around the 25 minute mark, a few people got up and walked out. This was happening all throughout the theater. Other folks were clapping when folks left. That WAS the most entertaining parts of this film.

I did sit through almost to the end the movie with my friends (which made the entire experience worth while) and we decided to go to the box-office to get our money back.

Too late. There was a new big RED sign hanging from the window that read:

"No Refunds"

I don't know what to really make of this awkwardly flirtatious and odd Bo Derek starring vehicle presented by Cannon productions, which was directed / written by her husband John Derek. The film's racy tag-line reads "The Hottest Erotic Film Of The Century", but that's quite a stretch. This is what the feature wants to be, but however its becomes a laughably nonsensical romance story of sexual awakening that simply likes to focus on Derek's naïve character (in more than one way) in her quest to lose her virginity by travelling around the world in the 1920s. Searching far and wide for sexual fulfilment… well she only travels to two exotic places and finds the "ecstasy" she long desired by settling down with him in Spain. Although at first everything doesn't go entirely to plan. The boundless plot is rather dull, with only some bemusing sequences (milk and honey anybody or seduction by naked horseback riding?), risible dialogues ("That thing is going to work. I guarantee that") and the performances being the brightening spark. Outside of the irresistibly carefree Derek, you got the perky Ana Obregon, a feisty Oliva d'Abo and the causal air of George Kennedy. Quite a clumsy, camped-up soft-core romance fare.

"I had so many years of being so very proper. I had good-girl claustrophobia."

"Bo - Leer Oh!"

"What?"

"Bo Derek is easy on the eyes"

"So?"

"Bo Derek is easy on the eyes"

"Yes, but what about the story?"

"There is no story but Bo Derek is easy on the eyes ...... and parts of the sound track are very easy on the ears."

Unfortunately apart from this the film was a disaster which had a very adverse effect on the careers, and probably also the personal lives, of those principally involved.

Yes "Bolero" is that bad. Sure seeing Bo Derek nude is a pleasure. But you could save time and money and look at a vintage issue of Playboy.

And the plot? What plot? Bo has a lover who is impotent. She tries to....ahem....cure him. And the last scene is a howler. Yes I am going to ruin it. He is finally able to perform sexually with Bo and as they do we actually see NEON signs that say : ECSTASY.

Yes it is true. I am not making this up. Who would have ever thought that Derek's version of Tarzan could ever look like a classic in comparison to any other film?

I really don't think you will like this unless you are a fan of Bo Derek, or someone else in the movie. Yes, I rented it because of Andrea Occhipinti. I was really let down though. That is one of the stupidest movie I've seen! I mean, other than the fact that Bo Derek is a total airhead that can't even act, and ain't very pretty either, the plot is so weak!

I mean, she is supposed to play a 18 year old I guess, but she looks about 30! But anyway...she goes on a hunt to find someone to lose her virginity too. (Yea, yea, I'm SURE she would be a virgin with the we she acted in the beginning!) And she finds Angel (Occhipinti), and they hook up...And she's obsessed with finding extacy w/him. There are a couple of really *detailed* sex scenes! I was really suprised with that! If watching flaky Bo Derek in a bad soft-core porno is your thing, then hey, go for it!

But this is just my opinion! ~*~3/10~*~