Microwave Massacre

Okay, first off, this is quite possibly the worst movie that I've ever seen. It makes Ed Wood (R.I.P.) movies look like the best movies out there.

The movie follows a construction worker named Donald as he kills his wife when he is mad at her and accidentally eats some of her flesh while looking for a snack. He loves the taste, so he goes out and kills more girls and eats them, occasionally sharing the new meat with his friends. They don't know its human meat, but they like it so Donald keeps giving them the meat.

Okay, and as for the ending, I thought it made sense, but it was still funny. I won't reveal it, but trust me, you will never have guessed what happens.

The special effects are horrible, but I find myself laughing at these more than the jokes in the movie. I love bad SFX, and this one takes the cake in the bad special effects department. Bravo Microwave Massacre.

So see it if you can find it, and if you can't find it, get a bootleg. Its worth it if you like bad movies.

My friend and I got bored last night so we decided to watch a movie my Dad had bought for me from a yard sale. 3 guesses what movie it was. Anywho. Right off we knew it was bad. And then I realized I had heard about this movie from badmovies.org. Lauren and I are strange, I think. We enjoyed the movie. We laughed and cried. We cried because it was so painful to watch, but enjoyable at the same time, go figure! This is definitely a party movie to lighten the mood. Maybe have a some finger food around for atmosphere *grin*

Far from being the worst horror film of all time, and really not much of a horror movie at all but more of a black comedy for lack of a better description. Jackie Vernon plays Donald whose wife refuses to give him solid, working-man food but rather inundates his lunch box with crab sandwiches and other gourmet meals. Donald gets so upset after a night of drinking his woes that he slays his wife and then packs her in the freezer, later goes for a bite to eat, and unwittingly eats her hand wrapped in tin foil. From there he realizes he loves the taste and begins to eat women all the time(yes, that pun and every possible one under the sun was used in the film!). Thereis an endless parade of one-liners, many just wretched, but after a bit I was finding some of them amusing as this film is trying to be nothing more than a sophomoric horror spoof. It has a seventies feel to it though it was made in 1983. The scary moments are non-existent. What do we get: roly-poly Jackie Vernon quipping wisecracks as he searches for dinner and a date all in one. Vernon is just, well, there. He quite honestly doesn't have much of a movie presence, but he can deliver his lines - if you can be more unlike me and get past the voice of Frosty the Snowman swearing and having his way with a prostitute and even stuffing a turkey. The gal that plays his wife is amusing if nothing else, and the rest of the cast could be extras on Lost for all we know/care. There are a few exceptions because the film has liberal doses of gratuitous nudity - no more eye-popping then the opening with the knothole girl. A real looker and possibly the high point of this film. More is the pity. that being said; however, Microwave Massacre is watchable - even again in the next decade possibly. seeing Vernon act is intriguing as we have little of him in film(I wonder why?). You could definitely do a lot worse than this. I have seen horror films that made my eyes glaze over from boredom and wished/willed my fingers to pass the fast forward. This strangely enough for me was not one of those times.

Construction worker Donald (Jackie Vernon) is having a hard time getting anything good to eat since his wife has decided to only cook gourmet foods. That and her constant harping cause him to snap, and he whacks her. Somewhere in the confusion he comes up with a new use for the microwave oven, and begins to eat much better. Soon he's experimenting with different recipes. And different meats.

AllMovie wrote, "Despite utterly failing as comedy, horror and pornography, Microwave Massacre is grotesque enough in design and attitude to be fascinating, much like a car accident." That summary is perfect. "Microwave Massacre" is bad in almost every way, especially Vernon's acting. But there are some funny scenes and jokes that make it worthwhile. The drive-through scene is especially humorous, and for those who know Vernon mostly as Frosty the Snowman's voice, this will twist what you think of Frosty.

Now, maybe not too much should be expected for a film with a budget under $100,000. But it does make for interesting shooting techniques -- saving money by using Mickey Dolenz's house as a set, and having Robert Burns (TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE) do art direction for only $1,000. Burns, who also appears as a homeless man, was referred to the film by no less a figure than Wes Craven. So that might make this film's background a bit more interesting...

The producers originally wanted Rodney Dangerfield, but ended up with Jackie Vernon. His acting is awful, and actually the worst thing about the film, but he does offer a few ad libs. Would Dangerfield have been better? Yes, no doubt. Luckily, the other actors -- especially the two construction workers -- are excellent actors. Except, of course, this only further points out how bad Vernon is.

How this has become a "cult classic" is beyond me. Is it the gratuitous addition of topless women? Is it Jackie Vernon? Or is it one of those so-bad-it's-good types of things? I love bad movies as much as anyone, but for me this really is not one of the great forgotten gems.

Regardless, Arrow Video has done what they do best and put their heart and soul into making this as good as it can be. There is a brand new 2K restoration from the original camera negative, which looks pretty good for such a low budget film. There is a brand new audio commentary with writer-producer Craig Muckler, moderated by Mike Tristano, with plenty of stories about Wes Craven, "Phantasm", Jill Schoelen, "Creature From the Black Lagoon" and more. This is really the best part of the disc. (Because Muckler has certain phrases he uses a lot, the commentary would make a great drinking game.) Lastly, we have "My Microwave Massacre Memoirs" a new making-of featurette including interviews with Muckler, director Wayne Berwick and actor Loren Schein. Although brief, it does expound on Muckler's commentary a bit and is worth a watch.

Filmed several years ago and finally emerging as a homevideo release, "Microwave Massacre" is an amateurish comedy dwelling on cannibalism in its lampooning of gory horror films. Vaguely resembling the spoof-of-a-spoof "Please Don't Eat My Mother" (a takeoff on "Little Shop of Horrors" made a decade earlier), this film is suited for fanciers of grotesque black humor only.

Standup comic Jackie Vernon toplines as a mild construction worker Donald, engaged in Bickersons-style arguments with his stout wife May (Claire Ginsberg), especially over her penchant for inedible gourmet repasts prepared in her large microwave oven. In a rage, he kills her, and cuts the body into pieces (including a very cheap plaster head) and stores them neatly wrapped in aluminum foil with the frozen meat.

When Donald accidentally nibbles on one of his wife's hands for a midnight snack, he discovers he likes the taste and begins cooking the human flesh in the microwave, sharing the results at lunch with his friendly co-workers. Now, a bachelor again, he starts picking up pretty girls, but ends up killing them while having sex and eating the corpses.

Filmmaker Wayne Berwick, Thomas Singer and Craig Muckler overplay this material for cheap laughs, with mugging actors including the usual deadpan Vernon. Gore is very fake-looking, aiming at viewers laughing at the production rather than being outraged by realism. Emphasizing vulgar gags and slowing down dialog delivery results in an embarrassing, generally unfunny exercise, punctuated by the usual quota of female nude shots.

Budget is microscopic, with passable technical credits. In explaining Donald's final comeuppance (yes, even in amoral farragoes such as this there lurks some form of retribution), picture briefly intimates a supernatural element, but this is not enough to attract the interest of traditional horror film fans.

My review was written after watching the film on a Midnight videocassette.