The First Turn-On!!

The First Turn-On!! (must have the two exclamation points there because, hey, more stuff on the poster!!) is a sex-romp where we get to see the inside scoops on what the "first time" was like for a few ass-wipes and two stuck up chicks (to speak in Beavis & Butt-head tongue), and they all beef up their stories that they tell in the cave after an avalanche makes the cave impenetrable... he-he, impenetrable, is that a funny? Well, no, on to the movie itself, one of the early collaborations between Troma founder/bad-taste pioneers Michael Herz and Lloyd Kaufman, who share producer/director credits here.

Their game, if one can't tell from their other movies, is intentionally hitting the lowest common denominator. They do have a tongue-in-cheek through most of it- that is when the misogyny doesn't scream out like a young lady's first or almost orgasm- and at least they're not trying to be offensive... actually, no, that's a lie. If you got offended by this, they won half the battle (and if you paid for the whole DVD- as opposed to, with some wit, getting it off of Netflix instant-view, they won the other half).

I would like to try to look deeper into some of the psychological ramifications of what the campers and camp-leader with the frizzy 80's hair and wide blue eyes go into, but does it matter? Whenever Kaufman and Herz try to get on with a story it makes so many detours it threatens to jump off a cliff with two boobs in your face. This said, throughout the raucous and stupid and juvenile and just flat-out gross and 11-year old humor wedged into a very-R-rated sex comedy, I actually did laugh at a few lines like "This would be easier than (bleeping) a tomato", and there were a few sight gags that did make me chuckle loudly. I could probably count those times on one hand. And I guess there are some nice bosoms, to note once again. The rest of it is obnoxious crap-comedy, the kind where you roll your eyes or just sit in momentary stunned silence and go "really, you had to go there?

It's a Porky's knock-off at camp that unfortunately doesn't go far enough to anticipate 127 Hours. Now if they had to cut off some genitals to stay alive (mostly testicles) it might be a better night out.

J. Canker Huxley doesn't know what he's talking about. American Pie is garbage. It isn't funny. The First Turn-On is a classic from the days when there were such things as "teenage sex romps." It has no aspirations other than to amuse and to exploit. Movies like Road Trip and American Pie want to have their cake and eat it too---they try to be lewd and crude, yet still contain a "message" or be moral. The First Turn-On has no morals and therefore succeeds in being entertaining.

I used to hate 80's teen movies (it was bad enough actually BEING a teenager in the 80's without having to watch a bunch of crappy movies about it). But now a warm glow of nostalgia (or incipient senility) has set in and I kind of like some of them. I still don't care for some of the more famous ones ("The Breakfast Club", "Dirty Dancing", etc.), but I like some of the ones that are kind of realistic (if somewhat depressing) like "Fast Times at Ridgemont High" and "The Last American Virgin", or, on the other hand, films like this one that are so ridiculous you can't take them seriously at all. Since this film was made by Lloyd Kaufman and Michael Herz of Troma, it is of course very self-consciously campy (if not quite as much as their more famous "Toxic Avenger" series). It takes place at a strange camp where the "campers" all seem to be in their early twenties. A counselor and four "campers" get trapped in a cave and decide to pass the time by telling each other stories of their "first time".

The stories are all REALLY dumb, but this movie uses an interesting device where the flashbacks on screen often contradict the story the character is telling. I remember a few years later a mainstream critic practically wetting himself when overrated film genius Steven Sodeberg did this in "sex, lies and videotape". Of course, this device is much more incompetently rendered here and a plot twist near the end really makes hash of it (but then again "sex, lies, and videotape" doesn't end in a big orgy like this one does).

But I'm sure nobody but me cares about any of this so let's get to the two most important things--the "T", and of course, the "A". There's plenty of it here naturally as in any Troma movie. Most of the girls, however, aren't stunningly attractive except for Sheila Kennedy, who was a former Penthouse Pet and years later appeared in the TV "reality dreck "Big Brother" (and I don't which of these is the skeleton in her closet). This movie is definitely a skeleton in the closet of Emmy and Academy Award-nominated actor Vincent D'nofrio. I certainly don't agree with Lloyd Kaufman's introductory comment that Sheila Kennedy is better in this than D'nofrio was in "Full Metal Jacket", but she's better than he is in this movie (of course, she doesn't have to stretch herself too much since she's actually playing a Penthouse Pet here). Anyway, those that enjoy this kind of celebrity early-career embarrassment will certainly enjoy Vince here.

Even though this movie is an "80s" movie, it still stands out a bit on its own. It's a raunchy sexually charged teen flick that has grown adults who are hard pressed to pass as teenagers, well, acting as teenagers.

This flick is a mindless, offbeat teen entertainment sprinkled with sexual stimulus throughout. It does what it does. They don't hand out Academy awards for this type of movie.

This was probable the 1st rated R movie I ever saw. I was about 9 years old at the time. And cable tv then had a button on the remote that would unscramble whichever 'Pay Per View' movie you wanted to see and it charge your monthly bill. However, I had discovered if you didn't watch more than 30 seconds at a time, you would never get charged. This movie had me coming back in 30 second bits until I saw it all. My only complaint was how they got out of the cave. Just when things were getting the most interesting. I the movie could have been 5 minutes longer at the end.

I see a few reviewers mentioning how ugly the women are in the movie. Not only do I disagree, I find that just an excuse to be mean to people. These women rock it on camera. This movie holds a special place in my erotic comedy heart. And I come back to it from time to time. I don't do that with a lot of movies.

The First Turn-On!! Attempts to deliver a quirky, sex-fueled teen comedy but ends up lost in its own bizarre tone and uneven pacing. With a cast made up of mostly unknown actors and a plot that wanders through strange, disconnected scenarios, the film struggles to find its footing between absurdity and amusement.

There are a few moments that might earn a chuckle-mainly due to their sheer randomness-but they're far and few between. Most of the humor leans awkward or outdated, and the movie often feels like it's trying too hard to be shocking or edgy without much payoff.

It's weird, messy, and ultimately forgettable. Not the worst of its genre, but certainly not one worth seeking out unless you're into obscure cult oddities. 3/10.