Inseminoide

The script is the main culprit, with terrible lines and cliché scenes written for 4 year old to ponder upon: The number of times the cast members are sent out into the corridor (ones & twos) to be done-in by a rabid Ms Gleeson beggars belief! And each time they fall over\ stand still so as to allow themselves to be dispatched in some very poorly choreographed fight scene- did I say fight scene? I meant rolling around on the ground. I can only guess that they ran out of plot devices on day 1.

The Director should also stand up and take a bow, as a lot of the fault lies there. The subject matter may have been "maverick" but it was executed in a terrible way- B movie slasher style. He should have realised that this plot line was about as believable as politician election promise.

My sympathy goes to the cast, who were made to say the lines and roll around on the ground. They put in bad performances all round, with only Ms Gleeson showing an occasional dabble of acting skill.

If MST3K ever wanted to do a schlock SF horror, this would be the one to go for.

Like a previous contributor, I saw Inseminoid on BBC 1 last Saturday too - but to my eternal shame, I must admit that I actually went out of my way to see it!

Y'see, when I was a spotty teenager way back in the early 80s, I was always intrigued by this movie's premise - aliens! horror! sex! YES!! YES!! YES!! - but was too young to rent it from my local video shop. So when I saw that it was on telly I was ecstatic - twenty years of waiting, over at last!

Well, you know what they say about being careful what you wish for... As everyone's already pointed out, it's sh*te of the highest ordure - 'nuff said.

In answer to the fellow country-man who also endured it on Saturday: as a first (and last) time viewer, obviously I've no idea if it got cut. I imagine the scene that the Beeb would (naturally) be most sensitive about is the 'xeno-rape' scene.

What was shown was a slightly confusing collage of bug-eyed alien leering down at parted thighs (as if seen from the viewpoint of the inseminee), intercut with shots of a crooked leg, behind which you could see a clear plastic tube - the alien's penis? - filled with what looked like meatballs floating in green pea soup. Presumably the tube was being used to penetrate and impregnate the alien's prey.

Does that sound much like the uncut version you saw way back when? As I say, it was pretty confusing and felt like it might have been cut, but given the generally shoddy state of the direction and editing it's hard to tell what's the director's original 'vision' and what's been snipped by the censor's scissors.

Pip-pip, The Hutt

The title caught our attention in the same way as Revenge of The Space-Hitlers, it's a title that says "this could be so bad that it would be entertaining". This is what we found. Low production values, low production costs, bad acting, bad dialogue, bad special effects - we found it hilarious (unlike Boggy Creek II, which was just plain awful)

After the prologue, the opening line is "Hey wait a minute!" as in "what's this strange thing I've found on this strange alien world" - get the idea? It's a classic demonic possession plot, where a nice girl is turned nasty by an alien intelligence, and then people get 'hurt'. This means that there is plenty of blood and pain, and some cracking screaming from Geeson. If Oscars were awarded for screaming, we're of the opinion she should have got a nomination at the very least.

To exemplify the bad dialogue: Woman in peril: "I can't do it!". Man trying to save woman with motivational words: "Can't is a word I don't understand! Come on, you can't give up!"

Also "Unknown energy fields are beyond the reach of this team."

Overall I'd describe this as a poor vehicle for nasty, bloody violence and a bit of sex, which made little sense. However, there is much entertainment in it's dire naffness.

A friend bought me the DVD of Inseminoid knowing I like bad SF films. Boy did he hit the mark with this piece of sh!t. Thanks Mike.

Another of the countless Alien inspired ripoffs with any attempts at any Science Fiction elements soon abandoned after a few wafflings about crystals with "unknown energy fields" and the planet having twin suns. Soon the usual assorted crew members of the archaeological expedition are getting needlessly separated, doing stupid things like walking backwards down dark corridors, and generally doing everything they can to get eaten.

When the highlight of the movie is someone attempting to cut off their own foot with a hedge-trimmer (and just exactly why an exo-archaeologist is wandering around an alien cave system carrying a hedge-trimmer is never explained) you know you are in trouble.

There are many bad movie moments in this film. (Including a couple of classically bad fights with actors 'punches' missing each other by yards.)

Stephanie Beacham is the best thing in this movie and acts everyone else off the screen by doing as little as possible in the hope that no one notices her. And I got so bored staring down Judy Geeson's mouth as she screams, moans, mugs, and grimaces her way through her part that I started to count her fillings. I mean how bad does a movie have to get before you find the lead's dentistry the most interesting thing on the screen? And it never ends! It just goes on and on and on - and the music is AWFUL!!!

Please make it stop!!!!

A Serious Bad Night Out Award of the week this one.

The UK Stonevision DVD release of this film has a very amateur "Documentary" on the director as an 'extra'. It is bad, but more interesting and better than the movie.

INSEMINOID

Aspect ratio: 2.39:1 (J-D-C Scope)

Sound format: Mono

Whilst exploring a series of caves beneath the surface of Jupiter's moon Xeno, a scientific research team unleashes a long-buried alien creature which impregnates one of the female members of the crew (Judy Geeson). With the subsequent pregnancy developing at an alarming rate, Geeson is compelled to protect her unborn 'children' from scientific scrutiny and begins to massacre her colleagues, one by one...

Responding to the worldwide appetite for overblown space operas established by STAR WARS in 1977, yet remaining true to his roots as a purveyor of exploitation-horror movies (SATAN'S SLAVE, PREY, etc.), British director Norman J. Warren developed the script for INSEMINOID with writers Nick and Gloria Maley, a team of special effects technicians looking for a vehicle in which to showcase their talents. With funding from British and Hong Kong sources, the film went into production at Chislehurst caves (a grim but picturesque location just outside London) shortly after Ridley Scott's ALIEN (1979) wrapped principal photography, though Warren and producer Richard Gordon insist the movie wasn't influenced by Scott's blockbuster in any way.

Unfortunately, INSEMINOID's lofty ambitions are somewhat undermined by its modest £1 million budget, yielding a range of sets, costumes and visual effects which are more reminiscent of "Blake's 7" and "Doctor Who" than STAR WARS, and the cheapskate production values often provoke unintentional laughter. Faced with some fairly amateurish dialogue, most of the cast can't help but sink to the occasion, though Geeson is remarkably good in the leading role, transforming herself from terrified victim to monstrous avenger with scene-stealing glee (unfortunately, she later bad-mouthed the film in no uncertain terms, despite recently admitting she'd never actually seen it!). Stephanie Beacham (SCHIZO, TV's "The Colby's") plays the material with earnest conviction, while Victoria Tennant (THE WINDS OF WAR) makes no impression at all as one of the early victims of Geeson's rampage.

For all its drawbacks, however, the film is fast-moving and eager to please, and benefits enormously from John Metcalfe's expansive scope photography, which Warren uses to evoke a sense of scale at odds with the movie's financial limitations. There's plenty of gory violence on offer, too, though Warren was forced to make a few cosmetic trims to some of the most explicit sequences for censorship reasons in the UK, and it's that version which has prevailed ever since. Sadly, despite the film's modest success (including America, where a slightly truncated print played theatrically under the title HORROR PLANET), the director was unable to finance another venture for several years afterward, and his final film to date, BLOODY NEW YEAR (1987), went straight to video. His long-cherished ambition to remake FIEND WITHOUT A FACE (1957) has yet to happen, which is particularly regrettable - the genre has always needed talented mavericks like Warren, now more than ever.