Rattlers

Now, we know who put those snakes on the plane.

Two kids are killed after falling into a den of rattlers, and the sheriff immediately calls in a snake expert (Sam Chew Jr.). They fell in a rattler den, for goodness sakes! Some good snake scenes, sch as the rattler crawling up the plumber's (Tip McClure) pants, and some ridiculous ones, like the mom (Jo Jordan) in the bathtub getting attacked and not standing up so we could see her.

As you would expect the dialog was terrible, and some scenes ridiculous, like the mine shaft explosions. Someone called it the "Plan Nine From Outer Space" of snake movies. I could not say it better.

They have yet to make a good horror movie about poisonous snakes, but this 70's anti-classic is so bad it almost approaches goodness. It's kind of the "Plan 9 from Outer Space" of killer snake movies. They couldn't really afford too many snakes or the special effects to create venom-bloated corpses, so they substituted a bunch of nonsense about military tests making the rattlesnakes go crazy (although they never explain why the snakes all hunt in packs or how they sneak up on their incredibly stupid victims). But speaking of incredibly stupid, the heroes are a male chauvinist herpetology professor and a feminist photographer, who of course fall madly in love while hunting down the killer snakes. The sexist professor insists that his job is no place for a woman, even though, aside from the snakes, all he really does is drive around the Mojave Desert, and I don't know what the female photographer is supposed to be photographing. For some reason, these two geniuses seem to do all their hunting at night (when you're hunting rattlers I guess you don't want them to see you coming). They sleep in a tent for no other reason than to wake up surrounded by snakes. Then during the climax of the film they suddenly take off to Vegas to whoop it up while the rattlers run amok. (Your snake-fighting tax dollars at work, I guess).

The most famous scene involves a young housewife being attacked in the bathtub. However, this scene is neither scary nor sexy--laughably stupid perhaps. I actually liked the opening scene with the two little boys the best, but it was pretty much all downhill from there.

When Sam Chew (*gesundheit!*) Jr is the star of your movie, you can pretty much tell you are in for a painful viewing experience. Although I must admit, Sam does steal the spotlight in Being from Another Planet a.k.a. Time Walker in the climactic scene where you really have to hand it to him (OUCH, that stings!).

This 70s romp takes place mostly in the desert and even more so in poorly lit, almost pitch black scenes - a staple grade for any B movie. There's stock footage, helicopter POV shots, and no acting required. The manic colonel played by Dan Priest provides more ham than a Subway $5 special. For the Wooden Plank award, I was going to give it to the Dan Balentine as the pilot, but this honor goes solely to Elisabeth Chauvet who provided me with plenty of migraine inducement. Still, she does provide visual enrichment and I'm sure Sam didn't mind pitching a tent with her (literally!). As for the rest of the movie, the rattlers and snakes shine as the real stars here. I clapped and applauded as vicious snakebites helped in thinning the herd. They also provided for much of the fun. Think of Rattlers as one of those nature documentary specials...except not very good.

I had the pleasure of seeing this film at the Mayo Center for the Performing Arts in Morristown, NJ presented by Cinematic Titanic. Having been a huge fan of these guys, it was a surrealfully hilarious pleasure seeing them perform live. Never before have my temples and neck muscles ached from loud out laughing as they played to packed house. The Titans are highly recommended!

What's this? A Harry H. Novak production that is rated PG? Yes Virginia, it's true. This movie is much less exploitive and explicit than other Novak productions. There's only a little blood, and the one scene of nudity comes from a brief look at a skin magazine one character is reading. While I can understand why Novak tried for something more respectable - it's often a lot easier to gather an audience for a PG movie than an R - he forgot to make the movie interesting. The main problem with the movie is that it's very boring. There's far too much chat and not enough action. And the action and horror that's in the movie comes across as quite flat. I'd never thought I'd find a Harry H. Novak movie that was boring, but that's what we have here.

A small desert community is ambushed by aggressive killer rattle snakes. Did that tin drum that the government secretly buried in the desert have anything to to with all of this? Hmmmmmmmmm.....maybe. Certainly no Academy Award nominations to be given here, but it's handled fairly well for what it is. The "girl in the snakey bathtub" scene became a thing of minor lore with schoolkids back in the 70's...today it's strictly "PG" fodder, if that.

Compared to several other films that emerged within this rather obsolete nature-horror sub-genre, you'll probably agree that there's worse trash than RATTLERS. Besides...if you find yourself bored by it, you'll find it's a perfect movie for playing "count the boom mic shadows".

4.5/10