Rattlers

Okay, I'm exaggerating when I call this a classic, but I like these '70s revenge-of-nature films. I remember seeing the trailers for films like "Rattlers" and "Grizzly" and "Empire of the Ants" on TV when I was a kid. But would my parents ever let me attend these gems? Heavens no! So now I'm making up for lost time as an adult, rediscovering these terrible films from my youth. In many ways these films are like a time machine to another era--an era with bad clothing, terrible dialogue, cool cars, and in-your-face feminism, buster! While you can't really destroy the plot of "Rattlers" (rattlesnakes attack people, duh!), I would urge you to watch the film for the "performance" of the main female lead. You haven't seen cardboard until you've seen her. Wow. Awesome.

This is a wonderfully awful flick about rattle snakes. Hence the name. These aren't just ordinary rattle snakes though...No siree. These rattle snakes can strike at, bite through and pop an army jeeps tires as it flies past them going 50 miles an hour. Yep. Discarded toxic waste has made these suckers tough. (Although you wouldn't know it to look at them.) A snake guy and a female photographer are around to keep the movie moving forward to it's exciting conclusion (Which I forgot or fell sleep during)

This movie also answers the question... What do you do when the plumber tells you he is going to be changing out the pressure regulator on your pipes? Yes that's right, the correct answer is wait 2 minutes until he is under the house and then strip naked and take a bath. (What it doesn't answer is how you can magically fill the tub when the pressure regulator is in-line with your water pipes and has been removed, but lets just assume this lady has dual main water feeds.)It also answers the question do rattle snakes like to take bubble baths...and the answer is, "of course" you big silly.

If you have not had the pleasure of witnessing this movie...you must. You will cringe at the rattle snakes nearness.

Rattlers is an suspenseless creature feature that goes on for too long, even though it only lasts 82 minutes. Long story made short, something in the desert is turning rattlesnakes into killing machines. A male female research team is called in to find out what.

Although the beginning of the film has a rapid series of snake attacks, midway through it gets bogged down in conspiracy subplots and a budding romance between the two leads. When people watch a movie called "Rattlers" they want to see snake bites, not gumshoeing.

To make matters worse, the characters talk about how gruesome the victims' bodies are, but the corpses are never shown. The film might be rated PG, but keep in mind this is a 70s PG, which could be stretched for a lot of gore (e.g. Jaws). Also, there is no real final confrontation with the snakes, which is a prerequisite for this kind of film.

A small desert community is ambushed by aggressive killer rattle snakes. Did that tin drum that the government secretly buried in the desert have anything to to with all of this? Hmmmmmmmmm.....maybe. Certainly no Academy Award nominations to be given here, but it's handled fairly well for what it is. The "girl in the snakey bathtub" scene became a thing of minor lore with schoolkids back in the 70's...today it's strictly "PG" fodder, if that.

Compared to several other films that emerged within this rather obsolete nature-horror sub-genre, you'll probably agree that there's worse trash than RATTLERS. Besides...if you find yourself bored by it, you'll find it's a perfect movie for playing "count the boom mic shadows".

4.5/10

This movie begins with two kids climbing up the walls of a canyon and falling into a rattlesnake pit. Because they are so disfigured by the repeated snake bites the local sheriff calls in an expert by the name of "Dr. Tom Parkinson" (Sam Chew Jr.) who works at a nearby college. Although puzzled by the numerous bites he doesn't really offer much help until other cases begin to emerge. After that he and a female photographer named "Ann Bradley" (Elizabeth Chauvet) are led by their investigation to a top-secret army compound which seems to be in the in the middle of all of the incidents. Now, rather than reveal any more of the movie and risk spoiling it for those who haven't seen it I will just say that this wasn't terribly bad as far as films of this nature are concerned. Personally, I didn't think the acting was too bad considering the awful script and some of the ridiculous scenarios the actors were given. That said, although I typically enjoy movies of this type I thought this particular film wasn't nearly as good as it could have been and I have rated it accordingly.