7 asesinos en Hawai

Watching some of Andy Sidaris' cheesy flicks of the late 70's and early 80's, you'd never know the man was a visionary in the sports television medium and a 7-time Emmy winner who directed the Olympics, Wide World of Sports and some of the early NFL telecasts. That said, "Seven" represents one of his better contributions to the B-movie genre. It boasts great scenery and the obligatory bevy of scantily-clad women that characterize a Sidaris film. And it's a treat for fans of William Smith, one of the most accomplished character actors of all time, who receives top billing and features him in the unfamiliar but welcome role of good guy.

Freelance mercenary Drew Savano (Smith) is called in by a government agent to wipe out mobsters bent on taking over the state of Hawaii. For a fee of $7 million dollars, Savano assembles seven specialists (hence the title), each with a different talent, to take on the mission. Though it takes a bit long for us to be introduced to each character and assigned their individual targets, it's worth the wait to watch just how these specialists- The Dragster, The Professor, The Indian, The Playmate, The Cowboy, The Comic, The Black Belt- will take out their quarry.

This movie won't remind anyone of Hamlet. Laughable dialog and various unconvincing characters (looking at Ed Parker with his bad hair and pot belly you'd never know the guy was a martial arts legend) make this more tongue-in-cheek than anything else, but it's just this approach- it's a "B" movie after all- that makes "Seven" an enjoyable watch. Lenny Montana, Art Medrano and Reggie Nalder are among the notable character actors lending their talents to "Seven". There's gorgeous former Playmate Susan Kiger and actress Barbara Leigh in bikinis for most of the movie. And Kwan Hi Lim, who seemingly appeared in every Hawaiian/Polynesian/Asian themed show covering two decades, skillfully portrays his usual oily villain.

Fun stuff from Andy Sidaris. Seven stars for "Seven"!

The movie is a lot of fun with plenty of over the top and almost comical death scenes combined with wonderful scenery of almost every variety. William Smith, as good guy assassin team leader Drew Savano, was very likable with his ability of conveying a natural charismatic leadership presence. A quiet confidence, if you will. As more or less the leading lady Barbara Leigh was also good as the hot Alexa who has a pretty weird scene with the creepy "Hermit" played well by Veteran Reggie Nalder. Barbara by this time no longer possesses the transcendent beauty that she enjoyed in the Junior Bonner days, but is still a foxy lady in this one. The rest of the cast and story is also terrific which ads up to a fine "B' movie for Mr. Sidaris.

Has this movie got everything. God awful sexy women in bikinis, explosions, violence, stunts, and humor. It also has some of the baddest dudes you'll ever see. They're an elite cartel, and they're not idiots. The people, remorseless, if anyone is, know their work. But so do the seven agents out to stop them where in no less thirty minutes, their objectives must die. Clearly the best actor here is golden oldie, William Smith, as most of the others suck. Smith plays Drew Savanno. Just see how this guy lives, and you'll understand, why so many other people feel so angered, the way they have it. Drew, the head of this group, is the one that picks the others, and they're really an odd kettle of fish, hot, funny, smart, and deadly. We have the blackbelt, the cowboy and his lovely assistant, who looks so hot in a bikini, the drag racer, the other hottie, who's a real tease, again deadly. We have the musician, who's style of comedy sucks. And my favorite, the professor, a playboy type and a genius. Who else could design a rocket when fired miles away, could take out the baddie in a the car park of one of his favorite coffee houses. The prof scores with a hot waitress who works there, who has a tube of candy paste on hand, if ever caught in lovemaking. Seven never dulls. It's a smart thriller, as in the way the baddies are taken out, the limo explosion at the gas station, out yonder where the whole place goes up in flames, just proving horse shoes have other uses. I like the baddie on the skateboard, known as skater, who's like comic amusement for this cartel, deadly with a spear gun. You can't fault the plot, as in the ways things happen. It's tighter than a fishes bum. The blow up doll that emerges out of a doctors bag when opened at customs, the professor telling the customs guy to put her on the next plane, is one of my favorite parts. A young customs woman looks outways after him, as says, "Too much", as if stoned. But these words could almost describe this movie, it's encouraging cover with Smith holding a spear gun, and those hotties flanking him, is enough to suck you in. Seven is a cool action movie, but on a smart scale, and one movie that shouldn't be overlooked.

Good old Andy Sidaris.

You can always count on his movies for a little action, a little intrigue and...say it with me...a little skin.

Flicks like "Seven", for example. This one features a covert team led by William "Big Bill" Smith who is out to kill off the baddies threatening the peace-loving government of Hawaii. Of course, there's always plenty of time to show some dynamic women in all their glory along with the maiming and killing.

But if your movie diet consists of films of this ilk, you could do a lot worse than "Seven". In fact, a lot worse.

TIDBIT - This movie features the famous gag seen a couple of years later in "Raiders of the Lost Ark", where a guy is beset by a swordsman and simply draws a gun and shoots the blade-wielding baddie dead. Not bad.

Seven stars. Who woulda guessed?

This is the guy movie of guy movies. Lots of unnecessarily topless women, tough guys, dad jokes, and bang bang you're dead action.

The plot is a group of bad guys of the type who have BAD GUY stamped on their drivers license facing off against a one man army and his buddy Cowboy who rides in on a pony.

There's a persistent voice over who tells a complex, intricate plot. It has nothing to do with the onscreen action, but it would probably make for an interesting movie if acted out. The plot onscreen is very simple and easy to follow.

Many of the scenes feel spliced in from another movie, with different actors delivering action or comedic beats unrelated to our story. They're kind of like commercials except they're fun.

Everything looks and sounds seventies and at times sixties, which adds to the amusement.

Seven stars for seven.