Pirañas asesinas

Watching Margeaux Hemingway in this movie is like watching a train wreck in slow motion. Her lisp and stone-faced moroseness makes Lee Majors' eyebrow look like Marlon Brando, but she is nonetheless compelling. The same goes for the rest of the cast. You just can't believe how sincere everyone is trying to be and it's fascinating to watch.

The last third of this movie is actually good fun, sort of like "Key Largo" without all of the intelligence to get in the way.

1978's "Killer Fish" arrived for director Antonio Margheriti after his Gothic horror, Spaghetti Western, and science fiction periods, just before the trend for cannibal zombies emerged in the wake of George Romero's "Dawn of the Dead." His expertise for special effects came in handy for a number of explosions and tornado-inspired destruction (the miniatures do look quite fake, however), but the script offers no surprises for an international cast that popped up on location in Brazil as a package deal put together by star Lee Majors. Plotwise, it's an ordinary heist film where the perpetrators suffer the consequences of defiance, three cohorts becoming fish fodder trying to recover the stolen jools in a nearby lake. Criminal mastermind James Franciscus remains behind due to a bad ticker, plays endless games of backgammon, and plants his favorite species of quick spawning piranha to guard against thieves in the night until the waiting period of 60 days is up. The combination of R-rated gore, brief nudity, and satirical content was enough to make Joe Dante's "Piranha" one of the few "Jaws" ripoffs to come close in audience appreciation, but this decidedly lesser effort is utterly humorless, free of nudity in its sanitized PG presentation, and lacking in bite with a nondescript cast of vacuous pretty faces sinking just 200 yards from shore. Houston Oilers quarterback Dan Pastorini went the way of Terry Bradshaw, Joe Kapp, and Joe Theismann in his brief attempt at a movie career (as one of the thugs who gets devoured for his trouble), only James Franciscus and Karen Black fully committed to their cliched roles, Lee Majors a stone faced lead making a half hearted attempt to save the gems (in the end, the culprits never get caught). As a supposed horror film it's a total flop, perhaps only worthy of late night viewing when insomniacs fear the worst.

I had a lot of fun with this movie, which is not the same thing as having a lot of fun at it. There was something cozy about its simple plot and its even simpler faith in tried and true conventions. It could be accused of many things, including laughable dialogue, hysterical performances and insane camera angles, but it could not be accused of dishonesty.

After stealing a fortune worth of jewels, a group of thieves hide their stolen loot in a box and throw it into a nearby lake. Proving the adage that "there is no honor among thieves" two of them decide to sneak out to the lake and retrieve it prior to the specified time. What they don't realize is that the mastermind behind the robbery named "Paul Diller" (James Franciscus) put some piranhas in this lake a year or two earlier to protect it from just such an attempt. His plan works as the person attempting to swim toward the box is rapidly consumed. Later, these same piranhas also kill two more thieves as well. But protecting the treasure isn't the only thing Paul has on his mind. Now rather than reveal any more of this movie I will just say that I found it to be better than I initially thought it would be as it managed to combine elements of a crime caper with that of a horror film along the lines of "Piranha" as well. Of course, having two attractive actresses like Margaux Hemingway (as "Gabrielle") and Marisa Berenson ("Ann") certainly didn't hurt either. In any case, I liked this particular film and have rated it accordingly. Slightly above average.

Next to Joe Dante's minor exploitation classic, this is already the second "Jaws"-rip off that revolves on piranhas, but the comparison stops right there with the mutual choice of killer fish as the sea monsters. Dante's film is of course better and more relevant, but "Killer Fish" is a typical Italian exploitation product and thus delivers too many grotesque story lines, some neat gore and an unusual cast. Heck, I'm not even sure this film fully qualifies as a "Jaws"-rip off since the main plot involves a diamond heist instead of a besieged tourist resort. Although... it has that, too! A well-organized bunch of thieves successfully complete their diamond robbery and lower the loot to the bottom of the lake for safety reasons. After 60 days – if the police give up their search – they will collect the diamonds again and split. In order to guard his precious jewels, criminal mastermind Paul Diller infested the lake with ravenous piranhas that can regularly nibble from the double-crossing team members. Meanwhile, one of the crooks falls for a model with a speech-defect and a tropical hurricane busts a large dam, allowing the piranhas to spread themselves all across the touristy waters. Antonio Margheriti's "Killer Fish" suffers from a slightly tedious and hesitant opening half hour, but it get more adventurous once the first victim is devoured under the water. The piranha effects as well as the underwater cinematography are a bit disappointing but this film has an irresistible 70's charm, complete with cool soundtrack and stereotypical characters. Lee Majors is excellent as the macho with more hair on his chest than brains in his skull and Karen Black is a great shrew. Not as good as I hoped, but a fun piece of Italian trash nonetheless.