Bog

BOG is one of those movies that cannot be described in words. Well, that is, if the words "atrocious" and "stomach-churning" and "mind-boggling" aren't in your vocabulary. The kissing scene, Jenson's ode to "the dummies," the gratuitous laboratory scenes and Adrianna's monologue dealing with the tribulations of the Namin/Wadna/Crat creature are all featured players when it comes to the hilarity of this stinker. I'm afraid, though, that the monster (or man in monster suit) takes the cake, ahem, rice-cake that is. Don't get me wrong, this film is great. It's one of the worst movies I've ever seen. I love it!

I remember watching this as a kid and it was bad, but saw it again recently and it was worse! It is a film featuring a monster within a lake that is barely seen, lots of talking within labs and a really old cast of unattractive leads that we have to watch two of them make out for what seems like more time than the creature is present on screen! Not a good film in the least, but it is entertaining in its presentation and I am surprised this one never got riffed on MST3K cause it features film whose length fits their time frame, was rated PG so not a lot of worry about cutting stuff out and it is a very bad movie!

The story has a guy dynamite fishing, who accidentally releases a strange creature in a lake. The movie is called bog, but a bog is generally like a swamp, but with less water. Well, this guy is killed and two couples come to this place to drink beer and fish. Well the guys did, the wives came along to complain. The monster gets them and we have a couple of older people trying to figure out what is killing people, a sheriff who keeps losing deputies and a monster that doesn't look that bad getting virtually no screen time.

The monster kills people, but you really see nothing of the attack. One of those films featuring implied monster attacks. The cast, as I have said, is old. When the two girls on bikes ride through it was a breath of fresh air that was not there long enough as they get attacked. There is a swamp hag who kind of mumbles her lines to the point you cannot understand her and a guy who resembles Torgo who promptly gets killed when he leaves her shelter even though he should have known they'd be safer waiting inside her place.

A lot of films were made during the 70's of the lower budget horror variety and some of them work. Shock Waves, Dawn of the Dead and countless others that were still really good. This one was one of the many that were just plain laughable in their execution. Why would any filmmaker think that anyone would want to see a couple of people old enough to be grandparents making out? Though, honestly, that is the most horrific scene within the movie...

"Bog" is quite similar to, and instantly reminded me of "Croaked: Frog Monster from Hell". Both movies were filmed in the rural Wisconsin regions during the mid-70's ("Bog" didn't get released until the early 1980's) and they are both … well … abominable! That is to say, they're bad but somehow irresistibly charming, cheesy and entertaining as the same time. And, for some strange coincidental reason, these movies also just happen to have the two greatest taglines ever in the horror film industry! For "Croaked" the tagline was: "This time the frog dissects you" and the DVD-cover of "Bog" proclaims the tagline: "Who's the bait now?" That's good stuff.

The film neatly follows the familiar monster-movie routine. Some type of ancient creature that has been lying dormant on the bottom of a desolate lake gets awakened in a banal fashion (local fishermen using dynamite instead of regular bait) and begins to devour everyone in the area. This particular beastie entirely drains the blood out of his victims' bodies and leaves the complete lake town community baffled and scared. The awesome Aldo Ray stars as the heroic and quite fearless local sheriff who can't prevent the bodies in his town from piling up and "Bog" also stars two other veterans in the roles of forensic scientists; namely Gloria DeHaven ("Summer Stock" and Marshall Thompson ("It! The Terror from beyond Space"). They can't seem to figure out what kind of dangerous species they're dealing with, but perhaps that's because they're too busy falling in love. The scenes in which senior citizens Adriana and Dr. Wednesday interrupt their investigation of the organic tissue under their microscopes in order to declare their love and affection for each other are unintentionally funny, misfit and rather awkward. It takes more than a full hour before we get a proper impression of the monster. Before that, we just hear it growl and have to derive from the petrified expression of its victims' faces that it must be one hideous beast. Still, it's plain obvious that "Bog" is an incredibly low-budgeted and amateurish horror romp, so likewise for the monster design. The creature actually even looks more imbecilic and less scary than the monsters in those zero-budgeted 1950's movies, like "Attack of the Giant Leeches", "The Beast from Haunted Cave" and "The Giant Gila Monster". The thing has enormous eyes and his arms look like an over-sized crab. According to the trivia section, the guy in the suit was 6ft7 and weighed nearly 250pds. One final remark I just have to make: I seriously wonder how many gallons of booze were consumed during the production of "Bog". The first victims, two fishermen and their wives, drink beers non-stop. Even during their police interrogations! And also every dialog with good-old Sheriff Aldo Ray ends with the words "I could sure use a drink right now…".

I'm a devotee of bad films ("Manos, the Hands of Fate" is one of my favorites; no, seriously, I really like it!), but "Bog" was just a bit too dumb, even for me. Oh, I don't deny that it had it's moments. But in between those moments was a lot of dead space. I was surprised by the "love scene" between the film's two leads. I think this is, without question, the oldest love scene I've ever witnessed! Now, it's not graphic by any stretch of the imagination, but how often do you see a 50-year-old woman making out with a 60-year-old man? Heck, how often do you see a 50-year-old woman who is supposed to be our eye-candy? I've got to give the movie props for striking a blow for the geriatric community!

I purchased the movie as I am a devout fan of Gloria DeHaven and had never even heard of it before. From the first scene I became aware of the poor quality of the film (which was factory-sealed) and also the mundane acting. The scary parts were just plain stupid. Gloria DeHaven was good in her roll as Ginny and the love story line was pat. I just couldn't believe that an actress of her quality could have stooped to such a clunker. I was also aggravated that I couldn't find a date anywhere on the tape. I knew by the cars and fashions that it had been done in the 70's, but the date on the cover said 1988. Not possible. Was this monstrosity ever released in theaters? Dear God who would have paid to see it? Looked like the most low-budget horror flick ever!!