The $1.98 Beauty Show

WITH ALL OF the seriousness of an episode of MASTERPIECE THEATRE on PBS, the contestants on the runway on this series went through their motions. Each lady would desperately ply their trade in displaying their feminine pulchritude, poise and talents. The central problem was, they seldom had any.

THIS WAS OF course, all planned this way in a carefully contrived attempt to tickle our funny bones.

EVERY ASPECT OF the standard Beauty was lampooned. The line-up of 'contestants', individual talent and swimsuit competition were all included. At show's conclusion, the 'winner' would do a victory walk accompanied by vocals, ala Bert Parks*, performed by the Emcee.

AND THE ONE we remember best in that role was Rip Taylor; whose stage persona, bluster and manic behaviour were all a perfect fit for this show.

NOTE: * Longtime TV host, Bert Parks, was the longest tenured host of the annual MISS America Pagent.

This was one of the funniest variety programs of my childhood. It was silly, unfortunate, degrading - but it was real ... before reality shows took hold.

Here you had a bunch of women who, for all intents and purposes, wouldn't be on the prestigious pageant circuit but felt they could be a Beauty Queen for a moment nonetheless. So in comes the brilliant show mind of Chuck Barris to give them their fleeting dream.

Some of the women were the absolute worst, but a few actually were undiscovered gems who obviously deserved more that the $1.98 grand prize and a truck stop restaurant dinner certificate. And for those women, they got exposure. For others, the prizes awarded were perfect.

This is an interesting piece of pop culture to "look back upon" - especially today with reality shows and a lot of false modesty and overblown egos the norm of reality programming - and "beauty" shows.

If Chuck Barris is still around and not doing any overt missions, he might want to revise this as a show for aspiring models. Have them compete for the illustrious weekly prize of: $25.00, a gift certificate to the '99 cents only' -- and then bring the winners all back for a grand prize, all expensive trip competition to Bayone, New Jersey with a 4 night stay at a Super 8 Motel and a two page photo spread in The Pennysaver...and I'd watch it.

Sometimes, ya just need to be silly and Chuck Barris was good at it.