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Ronnie Barker in Déjenme respirar (1976)

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Déjenme respirar

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  • Mrs Featherstone: I'm not a religious woman, but I find if you say no to everything you can hardly tell the difference.
  • Arkwright: Scotch broth? That's very exotic. I'm afraid I don't have any in small tins. Only large tins.
  • Mavis: Oh.
  • Arkwright: I can't cut it in half Mavis. It all f-flops out. Tell you what. I'll sell you a large tin but I'll only charge you for two small tins.
  • [repeated line]
  • Arkwright: Granville, fetch your cloth!
  • Mr. Wilkinson: Next time you feel desperate for an egg, lad, pause, and remember where it's come from. The world's full of nasty places, Granville.
  • Mr. Wilkinson: I'll have two dozen ounces of liquorice torpedoes. They'll take your mind away from eggs.
  • Arkwright: I want a w-w-word with you.
  • Granville: That's three words.
  • Arkwright: That girl of Grimshaw's.
  • Granville: Big Edna?
  • Arkwright: Have you been kn-kn-knocking
  • Granville: I have only admired her from a distance.
  • Arkwright: Let me finish. Have you been kn-kn-knocking coppers off her weekly order?
  • Granville: You do the same for Mrs Featherstone.
  • Arkwright: Not without putting them back somewhere else.
  • Granville: You won't let me buy firelighters. You say they're too expensive.
  • Arkwright: They are in this damn shop. I'm not paying these prices! Get round the Co-op and buy some.
  • [pause]
  • Arkwright: Go and open a packet.
  • Granville: [leaves the room, to return a few seconds later] Not if they're going to count as my birthday present.
  • Arkwright: G-Granville? How do you spell p-p-p-p-pepper? Is it six p's or seven?
  • Mavis: I don't know whether to take a tin of luncheon meat.
  • Arkwright: Is it on your list?
  • Mavis: Yes...
  • [Arkwright goes half-way round the shop to fetch a tin of luncheon meat and comes back with it]
  • Mavis: ...But I crossed it out.
  • Arkwright: Didn't you hear the weather fore-fore-forecast?
  • Granville: The "fore-fore-forecast"? That's three fours are twelve... don't you mean the weather "twelvecast"?
  • Mrs Blewitt: I wouldn't give tuppence for his kidneys. How much is your boiled ham?
  • Nurse Gladys Emmanuel: What are your meringues like?
  • Arkwright: I'm not telling you till after we're married.
  • Mrs Blewitt: So. You're going to Parslow's funeral.
  • Arkwright: Yes. Even though it's very unlikely that he'll ever come to mine.
  • Arkwright: Don't just crit there siticizing!
  • Granville: [exasperated at Arkwright's tight-fistedness] You're not going to live forever you know.
  • Arkwright: I'm goin' to have a d-damn good try, aren't you?
  • Nurse Gladys Emmanuel: She has a face like a fit.
  • Arkwright: Aye, but what it would fit, I'll never know. It is like her facial muscles don't know the meaning of the word "teamwork".
  • Arkwright: D'ya know what you need? A good walloping.
  • Nurse Gladys Emmanuel: Oh, yeah and who's gonna give it to me?
  • Arkwright: I? I? I am.
  • Nurse Gladys Emmanuel: Oh, three of you.
  • Arkwright: Oh, you wound me sometimes, Granville!
  • Granville: How?
  • Arkwright: That time I sat on your bicycle clip springs to mind.
  • Granville: The nurse will be watching!
  • Granville: [about to put a note in the shop till] Do you reckon they can stitch fingers back on these days?
  • Arkwright: Oh, so we're giving flowers to the milkwoman's boyfriend now?
  • Nurse Gladys Emmanuel: My God! There's nothing frightens you more than a furtive grocer.
  • Mrs Featherstone: [Granville has just walked into Mrs. Featherstone] Not even my husband used to get that close.
  • Arkwright: [to Granville] Dear God! Where did you catch her?
  • Arkwright: You look all sinister and Hungarian.
  • Granville: Hungarians don't look like this.
  • Arkwright: Badly-dressed Hungarians do.
  • Granville: I look like an idiot.
  • Arkwright: Yes.
  • Arkwright: I hate that scrunching sound errand boys make when you have to stand on them.
  • Mrs. Parslow: I'll have a large washing-up liquid.
  • Arkwright: I think I'll join you.
  • Granville: Well, there's a great day for discoveries. My mother was the fisherman's friend and I've got a bottom half called Hugo.
  • Arkwright: Well done! And you certainly have been.
  • Granville: Look at the time! Quarter to nine and I'm held here in the clutches of my wicked uncle.
  • Arkwright: Your uncle is going to be wicked across the road, clutching something else entirely.
  • Granville: I've got the blood of poets and lovers in my veins.
  • Arkwright: [as Granville leaves] Yes. And at least one electrician.
  • Milk Round Supervisor: Seriously, have you thought about a drawbridge?
  • Granville: [about Arkwright] Did you know that the last time he was out all day was back in 1957?
  • The Milk Woman: 1957? Where did he go?
  • Granville: Have his appendix out.
  • Arkwright: You've got the evenings free, haven't you?
  • Granville: Yeah, knowing you, they'd HAVE to be free. Anyway, WHAT evenings? We don't close here 'till nine o'clock at night.
  • Arkwright: One day, Granville, all this will be y-yours. Lock-lock-lock-lock-lock-lock, stock and barrel. I'm always t-telling you this.
  • Granville: Yes I know, every time I ask for a rise.
  • Arkwright: [Repeated line] Why don't you j-j-jiggle it a bit?
  • Mr. Wilkinson: It's a great burden, Granville. Being holier than everybody else. But I enjoy it.

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Ronnie Barker in Déjenme respirar (1976)
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