Entre el deseo y la muerte

Cheesy does not even begin to describe it. Some of the most wooden acting and clunkiest dialogue I have ever experienced. It's actually like a Carry On film without the laughs. Not that Kirk Douglas has a cast-iron reputation as a discerning, talented actor, but his appearance in this is just embarrassing. Likewise Eli Wallach. Then there's this plinky-plonky music running along through many scenes, often totally at odds with the mood and images images it accompanies. Add to this some very weird editing and timing. People laugh (at things that are not remotely funny) or respond to things that are said a second too late. And I know it's of its time etc., but the women in the film are all such bimbos and doormats that even I as a man found it offensive at times. Not even "so bad it's good". Just brutal.

"A Lovely Way to Die" is a lot like Frank Sinatra's "Tony Rome" combined with "Dirty Harry" and it kind of works....sometimes. For the most part, it is a disappointment and could have been a lot better.

When the story begins, you see that Jameson Schuyler (Kirk Douglas) has two things he loves...womanizing and beating the crap out of criminals. After his latest violent arrest, he knows he's going to be disciplined...so he quits the police force. Soon after this, a hot-shot attorney (Eli Wallach) approaches Schuyler and offers him a job. He's to keep an eye on a flakey rich lady who is being indicted for murder...and do odd jobs as needed.

Schuyler is a bit of a pig, though what makes the film harder to like is that the accused woman is simply annoying. She is flaky and very inconsistently written. Considering she's on trial for murder, you'd think she'd take this seriously...which she clearly doesn't. And, because she doesn't care, the audience is inclined to feel much the same. An okay film up until the very stupid ending, and it could have easily been better.

Police detective Jim Schuyler (Kirk Douglas) quits his job before he gets investigated for a history of rough treatment of suspects. He takes work from lawyer Tennessee Fredericks (Eli Wallach) and his client Rena Westabrook who is going on trial for the murder of her wealthy husband.

At first, I thought Jim is being hired to solve the murder. Instead, he's not much more than a bodyguard and the movie takes on a slightly comedic tone. I don't see how the clashing tones work in this movie. It's weird and it goes nowhere quick. The murder trial hangs over everything and lacks any tension. I really don't like the music. It takes over an hour before she asks him to find her husband's killer. Why hire a police detective in the first place if not to solve the case? I just wanted him to get going with the investigating.

After they bribed Kirk Douglas to appear in this movie, with just enough left over to convince Eli Wallach to abandon his dignity, they must not have had any money left over for such trivialities as original music composition. So they bought the rights to some Bewitched out-takes. Gets worse, though. Douglas goes out on a date with a dish to a nightclub where they dance the Swig or the Swoop or the Boof or something, and then get into a fake car in front of a green screen. And he's already a half-century old. He's not getting 22-year-olds in any universe outside of Hollywood movies. I sure hope this is Kirk Douglas's worst movie b/c I'd hate to find one worse.

Fans of Kirk Douglas will love this kitschy detective mystery. Douglas is in his early fifties and his best films (Spartacus in 1960 and Seven Days In May in 1964) are behind him. He still has the chops to be believable as a lothario law and order cop in the style of 'Dirty Harry'. (Although 'Dirty Harry' won't be released for another three years.) The problem is Douglas' character doesn't know if he's Matt Helm (Dean Martin) or Lew Harper (Paul Newman). The result is an unoriginal, contrived and disjointed story with little character development. Douglas swaggers through a myopic and distorted Hollywood version of the "Summer of Love" in a desperate attempt to appear relevant, cool and of the times. Kenyan Hopkins generic musical score of jazz idioms doesn't help matters. The bed hopping, free wheeling playboy with the cool car (1968 Ford Mustang) is just sad and dated up against more realistic and dour character studies like Steve McQueen's character in 'Bullitt' released in the same year. Sylva Koscina is enchanting as the supposed femme fatale and Eli Wallach is semi-ridiculous as a "southern" defense attorney. The "mystery" is tricky enough to keep your attention but just barely.