Texas de mis amores

I saw this movie at the theatre as a kid and, thanks to regular television airings, multiple times through the years. I practically have the film memorized. And yet, I bust a gut laughing every time I see it to this day. There are so many memorable scenes and lines that will immediately bring a smile to anyone's face who has seen it; "Texas isn't even a state, how big can it be?", "The coward attacked him from the rear", the slapping scenes, the arrow in the rear, Joey Bishop as an Indian, Rosemary Forsyth in a wet blanket, "No Comanche is a friend of mine", that '60s guitar music whenever the Comanches are around, "Only read Kronk", and the oft quoted "ARUHROAR HAR!". Simply put, this film is funny. It's a horrible injustice that this film has not yet received a studio DVD release. I long to see this film again in a wide screen presentation without the awful pan and scan.

I'm not a big fan of most Western movies but I do enjoy comedy and as this was a comedy Western I found myself enjoying it.

As with most comedy movies, I am reluctant to give details about any of the scenes because if I were to tell you now then you wouldn't find them funny once you watch the film.Let's just say that Dean Martin (as Sam Hollis) and Joey Bishop (as Kronk) make quite a team. In fact everyone involved in the movie provides plenty of laughs. Everyone is playing a total buffoon.

If you don't like Westerns but do enjoy comedies then I strongly recommend this movie.

Don Andre de Baldasare was set to marry Pheobe Ann Naylor of Louisiana; after an affair of honor goes wrong, he has to flee across the river, into the wilds of Texas. Once arrived, he meets encounters Sam Hollis and his Indian sidekick, the Karonkawa Indian, Kronk, who are transporting rifles to the town of Moccasin Flats. Don Andrea rescues an Indian maiden, Lonetta, uses Spanish skills to tame longhorns, becomes Sam's rival for Phoebe's affections, heads off a band of angry Comahces and runs continually from the cavalry (who have come to Moccasin Flats to celebrate Texas' statehood but mostly charge after him in gallant groups). At the end of the film, the man Sam calls "Baldy" saves the town and also gets his girl--but which one wins him? In this cheerful and frequently hilarious screenplay, Alain Delon is very funny and understated as Don Baldasare, Dean Martin is a bit too-old as Sam Hollis perhaps but shows his excellent comedic timing in the likable role. Rosemary Forsyth is vivacious and very pretty as Phoebe Ann, Southern accent and all; Peter Graves and Andrew Prince lead the cavalry, to whom Graves continually issues orders such as "To the rur, har!" which no one understands any more than they can penetrate Kronk's Indian sayings, delivered deadpan and rather beautifully by Joey Bishop. Others in the large cast include Tina Aumont as the Indian girl, Michael Ansara as the Indian chief pursuing them, and Linden Chiles as his physically- inept son, Stuart Anderson, Roy Barcroft, George Wallace, Don Beddoe,.Kelly Thordsen, Nora Marlowe, and John Harmon. Director Michael Gordon kept the action and the laughs coming despite much of the film being filmed out-of-doors. the bright cinematography was supplied by veteran Russell Metty, the script by "Maverick" TV series alumnus Wells Root and Harold Greene, and the art direction was done by William D. DeCinces and Alexander Golitzen. Set decorations were supplied by John McCarthy Jr. and  James Redd; the vivid costume designs were created by Helen Colvig and Rosemary Odell. This is a personal favorite of mine as a writer, breezy in dialogue and attractively colorful and often amusing. I recommend it for repeated viewing, for its spaciousness and its intelligent comedy, its style and its infectious and fantasy-free good humor.

Dean Martin, Alain Delon, Joey Bishop, and Rosemary Forsyth star in "Texas Across the River" from 1966. This is a funny movie, full of slapstick, political incorrectness, and funny bits, and it also goes to show you how badly Alain Delon's career in the U.S. was mishandled. He made two westerns while in the U.S. - not exactly geared to females. Don't ask what Hollywood was thinking.

The beautiful debutante Phoebe Ann Naylor (Forsyth) is preparing for her wedding to Don Andrea de Baldasar, El Duce de la Casala (Delon) who awaits her in full regalia, including a sword. I will venture to say that for five years after Delon left the U.S. there was no tan makeup to be found in all of Los Angeles - he was soaked in it, as he was in The Yellow Rolls-Royce.

After a duel, Don Andrea's opponent falls out a window and Don Andrea is charged with murder. He escapes and heads for Texas, where he meets Sam Hollis (Martin) and his sidekick, Kronk (Bishop). Don Andrea rescues an Indian woman, Lonetta, tames cattle, and competes with Sam when Phoebe shows up.

The film, directed by Michael Gordon, was done tongue in cheek. Delon is a riot as a formal Spaniard not at home on the range. It's perfect for Martin and Bishop, as the script fit their style of humor perfectly. It's silly but sometimes you need silly. People who saw this film when it came out have fond memories of it.

Released in 1966, "Texas Across the River" is a Western parody that takes place in 1845, starting at the Louisiana wedding of debutante Phoebe Ann Naylor (Rosemary Forsyth) to Don Andrea (Alain Delon), a Spanish nobleman. When the wedding is interrupted by Cavalry men (e.g. Stuart Anderson & Peter Graves), Don Andrea flees across the river to Texas, where he hooks up with Sam Hollis (Dean Martin) and his Native pal, Kronk (Joey Bishop), who are delivering weapons to Moccasin Flats. Don Andrea soon saves a Native lass, Lonetta (Tina Aumont), which attracts the attentions of a Comanche war party (Michael Ansara, Linden Chiles, etc.). Meanwhile the cavalry are hot on their trail.

You have to be in the right mode to enjoy "Texas Across the River," as it's full of mid-60's goofy humor (think Gilligan's Island or I Dream of Jeanie in the Old West). I personally chuckled from beginning to end and enjoyed it more than "Support Your Local Sheriff" (1969). It's just a fun movie with a great cast and locations, not to be taken seriously.

Speaking of which, one notable critic lambasted the movie for having Bishop play Hollis' Indian sidekick. I guess he didn't get the joke: The movie's poking fun at all the Westerns that used obvious white folk to play Natives; it's the same thing with Aumont playing the Indian cutie, who looks anything but Native American.

Directed by Michael Gordon, the movie was a fair hit at the box office. It runs 101 minutes and was shot in Alabama Hills, Lone Pine, Universal City & San Diego, California.

GRADE: B