Los diamantes son eternos

MASTER PLAN: steal a lot of diamonds to fashion an orbiting super-duper laser to, guess what, blackmail the world! The pre-credits teaser functions as an epilogue to "On Her Majesty's Secret Service," with Bond hunting his arch-nemesis, Blofeld, in a quick series of scenes throughout the world. The filmmakers tried to recapture the best of "Goldfinger" in this one, using the same director and singer Bassey on the credits again. Ending up with even a pale imitation of the best Bonder is not such a bad thing, but it also points to the lack of originality besetting the series by this time. This one probably breaks the record for unusual types of killings, mostly courtesy of gay assassins Wint & Kidd, who go through a bunch of victims very quickly early on. The odd flavor and juxtaposition (detail of diamond smuggling over surreal liquidations) is an attempt to make Bond edgy & relevant now that the seventies began. The danger with all the attempts to be unusual, whether in regard to deaths or chases, is that it dips into a cutesy atmosphere a bit too far. Those fans fond of the seriousness in the previous film would probably not be amused, since it comes across as a dark parody of the usual spy stuff. That being said, Wint & Kidd, who represent the worst excesses of this film, end up as the highlights. From their very first scene in the desert, where they seem to draw inspiration from a scorpion, these two oddballs have the audience guessing on what they would do next - they are goofy, yes, but also lethal - interesting because they are somewhat original.

Bond's mission, tracking an involved diamond smuggling operation, takes him briefly to Amsterdam, but he ends up in Las Vegas for most of the story. A subplot involves a missing billionaire, obviously patterned after Howard Hughes, who was still living as a recluse at this time. M and, especially Moneypenny, have less screen time in this one, though Q pops up in an amusing scene testing one of his gizmos on some one-armed bandits (Vegas is no match for Q). Though the scenes in Vegas itself are less exotic than those of most Bond films, the film also makes good use of the surrounding desert terrain and there are numerous grand sets, notably a huge futuristic lab building, complete with tests of a fake moon landing, as well as a house built into the rocks. There is a good auto chase on the streets of Vegas, which has the infamous 'two-wheely' by Bond thru an alley. The two weird assassins pop up every now and then; they even have their own theme score, an eerie yet playful little tune. One of them looks very strange (Smith, a jazz musician with no acting experience), while the other (actor Glover, father of Crispin Glover) looks more normal but has very strange inflections to his speech. Every time they show up, a strange tension surfaces for the viewer. Besides Wint & Kidd, other outrageous foes for Bond include Bambi & Thumper, two wild martial arts girls who nearly knock his teeth in. Their scene has a lot of energy and you won't soon forget them. The story is well-paced for the most part, with less of those slow spots that afflicted many of the later Bonders. However, a couple of deleted scenes with the Plenty character makes things a bit confusing for her character arc.

Connery is, of course, several years older since his last Bonder, but he looks pretty much the same as he did in "You Only Live Twice." There may be a hint of grey around the edges and, in his scenes with M, it no longer comes across as 'the old man and the wiseguy kid' repartee, despite their best efforts. But Bond is still the ideal male here and it's still believable that femme fatale Tiffany falls for him by the end. She's a curious mixture of flaky girl and worldly woman, usually flippant in her approach, sort of reflecting the trivial nature of this Bonder, where nothing happening is really of grave import. That's why, when Blofeld's (him again) real plan is revealed, it's a bit out of left field; all of sudden, we see a super laser detonating missiles around the globe and everything has changed into matters of international import. Blofeld, as played by Gray, is more urbane and effeminate than the previous two versions, more attuned to a villain planning world domination, but he's also too civilized, too polite to Bond in the climactic sequence, diffusing his threatening presence. CIA liaison Leiter recalls the non-descript Leiter of "Goldfinger," as well. The climax on that oil rig sea platform in Baja is not very well done, with Blofeld's end especially disappointing (he would not return, except in the teaser of "For Your Eyes Only"). But, the epilogue is excellent. Bond, but not Connery, would return in "Live and Let Die." Bond:8 Villain:7 Femme Fatales:7 Henchmen/women:8 Leiter:6 Fights:8 Stunts/Chases:8 Gadgets:6 Auto:7 Locations:6 Pace:8 overall:7

You don't review James Bond movies, you evaluate them, rate them according to how well they meet expectations. There are certain things one has come to expect, even demand of a Bond film and each individual effort either delivers or it doesn't. So, here are ten elements that make a Bond film a Bond film and how DIAMONDS ARE FOREVER rates on a scale of 1 to 10:

Title: DIAMONDS ARE FOREVER: A slight perversion of the once popular ad line used to sell wedding rings, this title suggests romance, but certainly that is the last thing on the film's agenda. It's a wonderfully deceptive title. 10 points.

Pre-Credit Teaser: Bond "kills" Blofeld, which supposedly seems to tie up major loose ends from ON HER MAJESTY'S SECRET SERVICE. But considering that when last we saw him, Blofeld was murdering James' new bride, such a confrontation should have immense power. An important turning point in the series slips past with no acknowledgment. Though the opening does serve to show that Sean Connery is back and George Lazenby has been released from Bondage. 2 points.

Opening Credits: Maurice Binder's style of opening montage is wearing just a tad old and predictable. Pretty enough with its diamond-studded theme for 4 points, but not good enough to do justice to the:

Theme Song: It is said that originally the film was to be a followup to GOLDFINGER, with his brother taking up where Goldfinger left off. That never came off, but certainly "Diamonds are Forever" is a perfect companion piece to the earlier theme song. It, of course, has the fabulous Shirley Bassey doing the vocals again, but it also repeats the cynicism of applying sensuous lust to material wealth. It's an anti-love song, much like "Diamonds are a Girl's Best Friend," only it doesn't hide its hard-edged avarice under a bouncy tune. It is, I think, even better than "Goldfinger," and may be the prefect James Bond song: amoral, stylish and seductive. 10 points

"Bond, James Bond": Connery is back, a bit chunkier and a tad grayer, but apparently his extended vacation from the role of 007 paid off. Personally, I think this is his best Bond work as Sean strolls through the film with relaxed charm and a complete understanding that this film, if not the entire series, is a comedy. Bond purists tend to disregard DIAMONDS ARE FOREVER because of its flip attitude, but that is what makes it my favorite. 10 points.

Bond Babes: Lana Wood, Natalie's sister, is on hand as the mandatory eye candy, and is all-too-disposable as Plenty O'Toole. But someone had the bright idea of making the main Bond Girl someone with a flair for comedy. Enter maturing starlet Jill St. John, the epitome of 1960's cheesy, Playboy sexuality. Whatever her limitations as an actress, St. John certainly had the knack for using her sexuality as an amusing toy and still maintain the edge that she is a lot smarter than she looks. As Tiffany Case, her intelligence seems to diminish as the film wears on (it seems the women Bond beds all end up dead or dumb), but her ability to fill a bikini remains indisputable. 9 points.

Bond Villain: Ernst Stavro Blofeld is back again, though only his love of fluffy, white pussycats remains constant. The intense geek of Donald Peasence and the uncouth thug of Telly Savalas are replaced by Charles Gray, who opts to play the part with droll, bemused wit and -- radically -- a full head of hair. Gray never gained iconic stature as Blofeld (that would come later as the Blofeld-like narrator in THE ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW), but for my money he is the best Blofeld, a villain of classy arrogance who is singularly unimpressed by Bond. 10 points.

Bond Baddies: Ah yes, Mr. Kidd and Mr. Wint; as played by Putter Smith and Bruce Glover, they are the Chip and Dale of Bond assassins; two more gracious and well-mannered killers would be hard to find. The film has been accused of homophobia for including a pair of gay killers, but considering the sheer number of assassins to cross Bond's path, it would be more discriminatory to exclude them based on their orientation. Wint and Kidd are at once gay clichés and yet surprisingly non-stereotypical. Nonetheless, they glide (prance? skip?) through the film with cold-blooded assurance and a rather endearing affection. And if they aren't butch enough, there's always Bambi and Thumper (Lola Larson and Trina Parks) on hand to beat the tar out of James. 9 points.

Plot: Blofeld hopes to corner the diamond market to use them on some sort of outer space laser with which he can -- again -- hold the nations of the world for ransom. Doesn't this guy ever learn? They even do the "you've killed James Bond" bit again. 5 points.

Production values: Bond's globetrotting brings him to the glitz and pseudo-grandeur of Las Vegas in all of its tacky glory. It makes for a nicely surrealistic backdrop, appropriate for the film's self-mocking attitude -- though a major chase scene is marred by the large number of tourists standing along the route, watching the filming. 7 points.

Bonus Points: The Bond producers' love of unorthodox casting pays off with the selection of country singer and sausage maker Jimmy Dean as the reclusive millionaire based on Howard Hughes. It is such a bizarre choice, yet Dean's country boy charm is a wonderful contrast to both Hughes' nutty behavior and to the bemused sophistication of Bond. 5 points.

Summary: DIAMONDS ARE FOREVER is a turning point in the series; the gritty, pseudo-realism of the early films is gone in favor of slick comic book sci-fi gloss. Whatever the series loses in thrills it makes up for in fun.

Bond-o-meter Rating: 81 points out of 100.

In this 7th Bond movie, there is little of Bond's prowess in sex and violence... Connery's return to his role for a final throw is simply disappointing... Seeking a diamond smuggler, Bond has adventures in Amsterdam, in a Los Angeles crematorium, in various Las Vegas gambling parlors, and in a secret factory in Nevada desert...

For that Bond receives an urn containing a hoard of gems; leads the police on a wild chase; drives a Moonbuggy and a tiny Mustang convertible on two side wheels; wins at the Craps table; struggles superbly with two hot-tempered vixens; rips off a woman's top bikini; substitutes a fake computer tape; tries to escape from a blazing coffin; and knocks what he thinks is the real Blofeld // For the audience, it's intended to function as a glorious reinstatement of Connery-Bond, avenging Tracy's murder...

Jill St. John is the free agent who defies Bond's charm, but is reduced to a weak heroine, as she displays none of the class we've come to expect of a Bond girl... Nevertheless this redheaded diamond smuggler becomes the first American Bond beauty who does know how to wear a 'nice little nothing.' Jill inspires the best line in the movie...

Charles Gray becomes the third actor to portray a wildly sophisticated Blofeld on-screen following Donald Pleasance and Telly Savalas… He succeeds as the reclusive tycoon Ernest Stavro Blofeld who creates doubles of himself to confuse Commander Bond... He hates martial music and takes no chances with his staff... His hit men are "gay and fun," Mr Kidd and Mr Wint... Putter Smith is the sadistic Mr Kidd and Bruce Glover is his sinister sidekick Mr Wint… Jimmy Dean plays the multimillionaire Willard Whyte unaware that his company is being improperly used by Blofeld for his devil scheme for world domination...He is held prisoner in his desert mansion which is protected by two female karate experts nicknamed Bambi and Thumper...

Lana Wood becomes the glamorous society girl who meets Bond at a Las Vegas crap table… One night she barely had enough time to remove her top, and gets an undeserved but chilling sendoff...

Desmond Llewelyn is Bond's gadget man, Q, who tries out an electromagnetic controller for his own amusement that makes an entire raw of slot machines hits jackpots...

Lois Maxwell is, as always, the loving Moneypenny in emigration uniform, this time, who still is aching for a diamond ring; Bernard Lee is the imposing 'M' who assigns 007 to infiltrate the smuggling ring and find out who was stockpiling stolen diamonds; Norman Burton is the CIA agent Felix Leiter who greets Bond and asks which part of the stiff holds the gems; Joseph Fürst is the brilliant scientist Dr Metz, who thinks that Blofeld is a mankind's benefactor, and a believer in world disarmament; and Bruce Cabot is Whyte's treacherous right-hand-man...

In 1967 Sean Connery quits the role of James Bond. Panic! Producers replace him with Australian born George Lazenby, who makes "On Her Majesty Secret Service". This film does reasonably well at the box office, but not as well as the previous episodes... Furthermore, a big part of the audiences and many critics savage Lazenby's performance, rather pale compared to Connery's Bond portrait. "OHMSS" has been revalued since, but at the time of the release it's perceived like a disappointment.

In '71 producers hire American actor John Gavin for "Diamonds are forever" (DAF), but at the very last minute Sean Connery decides to come back to the role for one time only...

The film is a kind of remake of "Goldfinger" -there is Sean, of course; director Guy Hamilton; Shirley Bassey sings the theme; the story takes place in America; here too we have glamorous elements (diamonds instead of gold).

The movie is funny, Sean looks amused and quite relaxed in traveling between Amsterdam and Las Vegas to investigate about a diamond illegal traffic.

Nevertheless it's the "worst" of his Bonds... It's his less interesting outing as 007. When we think about him as Bond we think about the episodes of the Sixties, when the series was at its beginning. "Diamonds" has not the classical atmosphere of "Goldfinger" and "Thunderball" -the rhythm of DAF is not constant, there are also too many jokes, and a more American humor of the movie spoils the "Britishness" of 007. The first part of the film is boring, the second half has more action -although the final battle scene is not very well done.

Sean is Sean, but here he looks older than his age -curiously he looks fitter and more charming in "Never say never again", an "unofficial" Bond done 12 years later! By the way his presence in this film saves the show completely and a good entertainment is guaranteed.

Diamonds are Forever is definitely Sean Connery's weakest official outing as 007 but it's still a really fun Bond film that's got memorable set pieces and plenty of humour. Sean Connery shows signs of his boredom at the role but he's still great with all the charisma and screen presence.

Guy Hamilton's direction is really good with impressively shot set pieces, even if some of the effects look cheap. The music by John Barry is good, using the previous themes well but never doing anything new or memorable. The song by Shirley Bassey is incredible, a standout that counterbalances the competently fine score.