The Boatniks

I couldn't believe how insanely boring this movie was. My dad brought it home once because it was cheaper to rent than all the other movies, and it sucked. Yes, yes, I'm a sucker too, I actually watched the whole thing. But how much more bad could it get? Well, the answer is, none more bad. There was absolutely no plot development, and the characters reminded me of doing plays in elementary school where you read the lines for the first time and all the words are disconnected: "oh. i. though. this. movie. was. bad." with no emotion whatsoever. Don't see it.

I saw Boatniks back in 1971 at the post theater in Fort Sam Houston, San Antonio, Texas and I remember talking a friend into seeing this. He wasn't keen on seeing a G rated family film. But he and I actually did enjoy it.

The three heist men, Phil Silvers, Norman Fell, and Mickey Shaughnessy, steal the film. These three are a trio of the most inept crooks ever filmed. Graduating from the Three Stooges School of Crime, one scheme after another keeps blowing up for these three. They're so bad that on viewing it again after 34 years, my question is how did these three pull off the heist in the first place. Makes you wonder since the film opens with the heist having already been committed.

Our hero isn't too much better. Robert Morse who made a sensational debut on Broadway in How To Succeed in Business Without Really Trying and later did the film, seemed to go nowhere after that. He gets the role Dean Jones usually played in those Disney films of that era, the klutzy hero who finally pulls it together in the last reel after one foul up after another. Stefanie Powers gets the Suzanne Pleshette part, the girl who falls for the klutz.

In these Disney films there's always the hero's boss who is forever on Morse's case. Here that would be Don Ameche as the Coast Guard Commander at the Marina. As debonair and charming as he ever was back in his days at 20th Century Fox, Ameche is always a joy to watch.

Boatniks is not a terribly pretentious movie, but it's good fun.

Like THE APPLE DUMPLING GANG five-years later, Disney juggles two stories in one with wacky villains and a kindheart4ed underdog in a World War II hero's son taking over a West Coast/Coast Guard headed by strict Don Ameche bossing the short, pudgy, gap-toothed Robert Morse...

Way too quickly hooked up with gorgeous sailing instructor Stefanie Powers, who rents vessels to three bumbling jewel thieves headed by Phil Silvers flanked by a cautious Norman Fell and dimwitted Mickey Shaughnessy...

Who take up most of the film, NOT in trying to sail to Mexico but attempting to recover the treasure where they accidentally dropped it in the bay...

Thus providing Morse a chance to prove he's isn't a flake, which is strange since, as the film's "jinxed" lead, he's really not all that clumsy or unlucky...

Meanwhile the best scenes ultimately become the slowest as the crooks keep ahead of their pursuers using a stolen mini submarine in a 100-minute comedy that should've been a sparse 80...

But, overall, the most enjoyable aspect is visual as in bikinis and tan shirtless souls on yachts and sailboats under So Cal's groovy 1970's sunshine: A freedom long gone.

An accident prone Coast Guard ensign finds himself in charge of one of the busiest waterways in the U.S. Include three bumbling jewel thieves and their attempts to recover the jewels from the bottom of the bay. Good comedy but slow in places.

When Ensign Tom Garland (Robert Morse) shows up to his assignment at a U.S. Coast Guard Station in California he's revealed to have suffered poor luck throughout much of his life. Clumsy and inexperienced, he makes mistakes in front of his commanding officer Commander Taylor (Don Ameche) and his crush, sailing instructer Kate Fairchild (Stefanie Powers.) Enter three bumbling jewel thieves attempting to flee to Mexico led by Harry Simmons (Phil Silvers) and Tom may just have been given the opportunity to prove himself as an effective and capable Coast Guardsman. I really like The Boatniks first of all because of how fun it is. Moreover, I like all these characters and there's plenty of good running gags. Check it out.