Gamera tai daiakuju Giron

A flying saucer has just landed near your backyard. Do you:

A) Contact the police?

B) Grab a camera and sell a photo to the local tabloid?

C) Climb into the craft with your best Occidental buddy and fly off into space, counting on a giant space turtle to save your biscuits?

Answer: C.

"Attack Of The Monsters" as a title is a bit of a misnomer. From it, one might expect a film that features whole slew of monsters charging en masse either on a defenseless Japanese city or else each other, but this typical cheapo offering from the "Gamera" folks presents only three monsters, Gamera and two outer-space creatures, one of who looks like a silver Rodan and the other which has a giant blade for a forehead. The three never have a grand battle, either; it's just a series of one-on-one match-ups.

All this meant something to me back in the day, when "Attack of the Monsters" was on the local "4:30 Movie" and it was a welcome alternative to bad old Godzilla. Sure, Godzilla would save your occasional child, but he'd destroy three city blocks doing so. Gamera cared about kids, too, only he had more respect for property values in the process.

Plus this film had special appeal for me because it featured two boys going off on a strange adventure. I could imagine my buddy Stephen and I doing the same thing, except he'd have to be the one to get his head shaved.

After walking into a UFO and being whisked onto the planet Terra, Akio and Tom find themselves in a planet devoid of life, except for two comely ladies with antennae heads and the occasional wandering monster. The boys are happy with their new friends, but the women, being women, have ulterior motives. They want the boys' brains for something to munch on during the long flight to Earth. After all, why take a chance on airplane food?

Back in my middle school days, I enjoyed the battle sequences where Gamera fought his alien adversaries while the kids avoided the sexy cannibals and explored an expansive Star Trek set with blinking console lights. Now I see special effects that make the Beastie Boys' "Intergalactic" video look like a George Lucas production, dialogue as halting as a Berlitz beginners' course, and a storyline that sags at every turn.

But you know something? It's still a joy watching it. Most times, the pleasures of youth turn lame in adulthood. "Attack Of The Monsters" is just as much fun to watch now as it was then, especially if you have enough alcohol around.

Definitely try to get the Sandy Frank version; which has the zaniest dubbing. Better yet, find the old Mystery Science Theater 3000 version, where little Tom is basted with numerous Richard Burton riffs and Mike Nelson as Michael Feinstein brings it all home with a Cole Porter-ized version of the "Gamera" theme.

I'm sorry, but when I see any Japanese movie that involves rubber suited creatures, it's cheese. Can't and won't take them serious or see it as having any real artistic value. Their only use is to be made fun of. (This involves any film from any country, I'm not picking on Japan)Anyway Gamera vs. Guiron is the most cheesy (well that and Zigra)of the series. Akio and Richard Burton find a UFO landed in an empty lot not far from home and the home of local police official Officer Cornjob who warns the boys not to behave badly. Anyway spacebabes on the UFO kidnap the boys to their planet to eat their brains and show them a big monster fight. Anyway to conclude early, Gamera shows up to save the day and show them the errors of their ways. Hot spacebabes with Kentucky accents should not be trusted, no matter if they give you jelly donuts. Cornjob could have told you that!!

Basically Gamera fights a giant knife with an attitude! Alot of people put the Gamera series down for being cheap, but you know what? They were fun! At least Gamera fought a different monster (mostly outlandish ones at that) every movie. Unlike the Godzilla movies where Mothra, Ghidorah, and MechaGodzilla seem to pop up in every other flick. Anyway this movie follows Gamera VS Viras. It has the same concept. Two kids (one American, one Japanese) are the stars. And there is plenty of stock footage flashbacks too. Then things get bizarre. Gurion (the knife with the attitude) slices up a silver painted Gyoas. Shoots ninja stars at Gamera. Gamera sprays out blue blood. Swings around on parallel bars. And does a "la cucaracha" dance to remove some ninja stars stuck in his arms! He then finishes off Gurion by slamming his knife head into the ground, so Gurion is upside down with his legs kicking! Bizarre stuff. Throw in two Japanese women in funky space suits that drug the kids with tainted powdered donuts so they can eat thier brains and you can see what my one line summary means....

"Listening to children is neither psychologically or educationally important" This and other bits of tidbits are what is at stake if you dare to watch this Japanese trash. After scientists discover mysterious irregular waves from outer space, 2 boys hi-jack a spaceship to another star -(Earth is a star by the way) - only to watch hilarious monster fights complete with ninja stars from a walking knife, and become trapped by female aliens who want to eat their brains with dremel tools. And the boys thought that these aliens will prevent wars and traffic accidents. Listen to some bad jack-in-the-box music and enter Gamara, a giant go-go dancing turtle who must have had some bad Mexican food and comes to kids rescue after a few turns on the high bar. Boy are these kids going to get a scolding when they get home. I have watched this both with and without MST3K's help and it is roll on the floor hilarious either way. We should all figure out how to live without wars and accidents or we will repent and get our heads shaved.

Two boys who are apparently prone to various kinds of mischief find a spaceship in the woods and climb aboard only to find that the ship has autopilot and is programmed to return to the hostile planet of its origin. The film starts off with an astronomy lesson and the hostile planet turns out to be a hidden planet on the other side of the sun. Awaiting them there are two caped and antennaed young female cannibals and an enormous slow moving knife-headed creature named Guiron. Old favorite Gaos - or something that looks like him - makes a cameo but is defeated so quickly by Guiron that you will hardly notice him. Gamera to the rescue! Back home, the younger sister of one of the boys tries to convince her somewhat dour mother of what has happened, but she is told to stop making up stories and go study.

Indeed, this story is the sort of wandering, somewhat silly, and entirely fantastic thing that kids do make up. But that's exactly why it works. It's a kid film. It doesn't require expensive and fancy special effects, just a fun story, kids doing amazing things, and giant monsters.

I enjoyed this as a kid and enjoyed it again as an adult. The acting is passable for what it is - the younger sister is actually very convincing and sympathetic and the two boys do OK. The adults are presented entirely from a kid perspective (as was done in The Peanuts) - and are stereotypic and often over-dramatic). The cinematography is pretty good - again, for its purpose (this is not an art film nor even an adult action film). And the dubbing in the version I saw (Sandy Frank's name did not appear anywhere) was actually very good.

Fun little film - recommended!