Astro-Zombies

Okay, this movie really sucks and not many people are gonna tell you any different. Even though I had some fun watching Astro Zombies, I know it is a worthless piece of sheet! It's just amazingly so horrible that I actually laughed at it and enjoyed doing so. I think that's what it was intended to do was to make people laugh at its stupidness.

If you are a John Carradine fan, then you must watch this film. Otherwise you more than likely will absolutely hate it and most people won't even make it 30 minutes into the movie. There is no need to get into plot, acting, or effects because there really isn't any to talk about! If you can take this movie for what it is, and that is to not be serious, and if you enjoy watching really campy films, then you may just possibly enjoy this little bundle of joy...but don't count on it!

Don't listen to those who claim this isn't a so-bad-it's-good film. It's terrifically lousy and laughably GREAT. From the dull, muted library music to the stock footage of LA Police cars to what has to be the first unnecessary nude-dancer scene (since then, a staple of cop/buddy movies), to the total lack of pacing in the editing, to fight scenes that look like Shriners hugging after an all-nighter, this is hoot city.

First, a compliment: The Astro-Zombies' masks are actually impressive, except they do not say "Astro-Zombies." They say "tricked-out motorbike helmets for the Village People."

You already know the plot, such as it is, from the other comments and no, it doesn't make a wit of sense, but the wife and I enjoyed every grueling minute. Personal favorites: the 40-weight oil on Franchot's hair and Carradine's endless muttering in a vain attempt to let the audience in on the plot. Wendell Corey, apparently stewed to the gills just to be able to mumble his dialog (he died from drink before the film was released). The Astro-Zombie running, running, running, holding a flashlight to his forehead (now that's ACTION!). The long, pointless shots of a car radio. Tura Santana's need to use a silencer in a gun fight (it's a revolver, which can't be silenced anyway, and the silencer is hardly real; more like a mashed dixie cup painted silver). Poor Rafael Campos, actually doing decent acting, making the other players even more wooden. And who leaves a scimitar lying around in a lab? Handy, yes, if you need to lop off someone's head, which as I recall from my own lab experience, is rather rare. But why ask questions about the incongruous? Astro-Zombi cannot answer them. It's an enigma. Or is that enema?

Those toy robots in the credits. What the? Hysterical. This is not to be rented. You must own it.

Despite the fact that he had the greatest voice (not to mention the best wild-eyed leer!) of all the 1930s/'40s-era horror actors, he was given very little to do in the low-budget films in which he so often starred during the latter part of his career. "The Astro-Zombies" is no exception. Dressed in a white lab coat that hangs loosely on his skeletal frame, Carradine performs all his scenes on a cheap-looking dungeon set. Most of his lines are gibberish: "Activate the sonic transmogriceptor!" and so forth. There is some fun to be found elsewhere in the film, as Carradine's berserk astro-zombies wreak havoc throughout the city; there's even some gore and partial nudity (the very comely blonde chick who does a topless dance routine covered in wacky, multicolored body paint). The subplot involving foreign spies is painfully dull, however, and poorly acted by Tura Satana and her cornball henchmen. Don't expect too much...just enjoy the film for the grade-Z nonsense it is.

I will admit the pace of this movie is leaden at times, making it tough sledding. But I do believe this film could be edited down into an AMAZING B-movie horror/cheese fest lasting 55-60 minutes.

Personally,what I love about the film is its everything-but-the-kitchen-sink script. We are treated to the greatest hits of exploitation movie-making, all in one film, including: mad scientist, mute hunchback lab assistant, rampaging monsters, zombies, aliens, slashers that kill big-breasted women, brain transplantation, spaceships, spies, the CIA, naked go-go dancers and evil dragon ladies.

Let's not forget my favorite bit: a doppleganger for a shirtless Ed "Big Daddy" Roth wailing away on the bongos, miming (badly) to a pre-recorded music track (no other musicians are seen!), while a body-painted topless go-go dancer wriggles away.

GENIUS!

About the only elements that Ted Mikels missed were vampires, bikers, and giant insects! Who can resist the lovely Tura Satana with her evil makeup and low-cut evening gowns? Plus some nice color footage of L.A. in the Sixties. And of course the brilliantly stupid credit sequence with the tiny toy robots!

I urge fans of hardcore weirdness/Cheese to check this out. For less casual fans, you might want to wait until you have committed the complete works of Ed Wood to memory. Only then will you be in the proper frame of mind to truly appreciate this cinema (non) landmark.

The Astro Zombie is a man in a rubber mask. The Male leads try to keep a straight face while spouting ridiculous dialogue. Tura Satana wears exotic outfits, makeup and eyelashes which gives the movie some camp appeal. You'll have a hard time figuring out the plot. It's shocking to see the depths Wendell Corey had descended to but he was probably too sozzled to care. The women scream a lot especially when the Astro Zombie tries to rip their clothes off. John Carradine bumbles around in his laboratory endlessly. The opening and closing credits are shot over film of toy robots and tanks. If you thought Ed Wood made bad films wait until you see this. I'll never part with my video copy though!