El sindicato del crimen

Back in the mid-'60s, Diana Rigg was probably responsible for jump-starting the puberties of millions of baby boomer boys, thanks to her portrayal of Emma Peel in the hit BBC program "The Avengers." At any rate, along with Anne Francis' turn on "Honey West" and just about every woman in the first five Bond movies, she was certainly responsible for jump-starting mine, and I love watching her in anything she does even today, almost 40 years later. (Seeing her "Medea" on Broadway in 1994 was especially satisfying.) In "The Assassination Bureau" (1969), Diana plays a British (natch) freelance reporter in turn-of-the-century London who infiltrates Oliver Reed's titular organization (a sort of political Murder Inc.) and hires him to put a hit on...himself! Thus starts a series of wild and woolly escapades, as Reed races all over Europe trying to kill his organization's principals, before they can do away with him. We get tongue-in-cheek episodes (filmed all over Europe, and with lavish production values) involving a Parisian brothel, a Swiss bank, the beer halls of Vienna and the canals of Venice, all culminating in a fierce, exciting battle on an airborne, primitive zeppelin, with the fate of the Continent hanging in the balance. The film moves along very briskly and is quite entertaining, and Curt Jergens and Telly Savalas (who starred with Rigg that same year in "On Her Majesty's Secret Service") add delicious supporting performances. Diana, need I say, looks absolutely gorgeous, especially when shown in those frilly undergarment and bathtub scenes. Featuring a literate, witty script and consistently amusing and inventive situations, "The Assassination Bureau" is a real treat indeed. And Diana Rigg's exquisite presence is the yummy icing on an already tasty cake.

After reading the other comments here, I wonder if these folks saw the same movie. This film is a lot of fun, a touch on the slap-stick side and it isn't supposed to be Bond OR the Pink Panther. Maybe the problem is generational??? Those of us who grew up in the far away and ancient times learned that there didn't have to be an action sequence every thirty seconds, lots of overt sex and toilet humor. These things are what seem to "make" a movie today and it's why a lot of people of my generation a) don't go to a lot of films today and b) really worry about the ones who think the named qualities are what make a movie "good". Oh, well. Every generation has to grow up. When they do, maybe they will find that The Assassination Bureau really is the laugh riot while The American Pies and What About Marys are noted to be rather--well--gross.

To enjoy and even admire this period piece, set just before the industrial revolution of the 20th century, one has to understand what it is. It's certainly not a parody of James Bond or some off cue thriller; it's high comedy, a farce of magnificent proportions, aided & abetted by fine action. You have to get in on the joke with Oliver Reed, Diana Rigg, Telly Savalas and the rest, all obviously enjoying themselves, but not at our expense. Let them amuse you and bemuse you, and you'll have a grand time. By this point, over 35 years after this was filmed, it may be difficult for younger viewers to follow along with Reed and realize when he is winking at them during one of his outrageous pronouncements. He's the head of the organization of the title - it is what you think it is, no pretensions there - its business is killing people, for money. But that is about the only thing which is up front in this picture. Everyone is not who they seem to be, usually having a decent public face and the secret hidden one - the one catering to the less moral side of all of us.

This is probably my favorite Oliver Reed performance. He grabs the role of the debonair gentleman assassin and turns it into uniquely his own. Some of his dry line delivery, particularly when sparring with Rigg, is priceless; my favorite is when they meet and she informs him who she wants killed; he soon demands her reasons, yelling "Is That it? Is That It!?!" Later in the film, she calls him annoying. "I have been told that," he replies, but never have we heard the line spoken that way. He needs to carry the picture, outsmarting and fooling all the other sneaky assassins out for his blood with disguises, role-playing and careless bravado. This is where the picture really shifts into high gear, turning into a duel among a group of master killers who, luckily, do not yet have the advantages of 20th century weaponry. The supporting cast are all terrific, including Savalas as Reed's main nemesis, Jurgens as a German general and Noiret who, besides being an assassin, also runs a brothel (no limits to the French).

The script and dialog are continually witty throughout, many of the lines classic and too numerous to mention here. Again, some of this may be lost on anyone under 30 years old; in a way, this brand of humor can now be termed sophisticated - no gross bodily function joking. It does revolve around death, so a kind of dark farce results, of course - yet it's not morbid. That's probably because most of the victims deserve their ends as presented here; they made their beds, as it were. The dialog is complemented by inventive turns in the plot; there's actually quite a bit of suspense as the story turns & twists here and there, especially during the sequence in Venice, where the order of characters being killed is not as expected. The finale is also suspenseful - you may wonder how Reed will pull it off, stopping an entire zeppelin and its crew. And please keep in mind the special FX are over 35 years old, as well. Just glorious stuff.

This charming film, made when Oliver Reed and Diana Rigg were at the height of their appeal, is what they used to call a "romp", when it wasn't considered to be a putdown. Reed, as Ivan, born and bred to lead an international group of highly-placed assassins, is hired by would-be reporter Sonia (Rigg) to have his group kill him, and realizing that his house badly needs some cleaning out, Ivan accepts the commission. The rest is a whirlwind tour of Europe, taking out substantial portions of the terrain as they go, avoiding bungled attempts on his life as he tries to track down the traitors who would turn the Bureau into a political machine. The dialogue is refreshingly devoid of political correctness, but maintains a firm respect between the unlikely couple as they go from bickering rivalry to bickering fondness. Guest villains include Clive Revill as a gluttonous Italian, and sad stories include the accidental demise of Roger Delgado (Dr. Who, the first Master) while on location. Much worth the time and effort, although sadly almost never seen on TV, and abysmally represented in video release.

The big selling point of "The Assassination Bureau" is that it was based on an unfinished novel by Jack London -- "Unfinished" being an euphemism for "abandoned". Long after London's death it was finished by a lesser writer and that version is the basis for this movie.

A superb cast, headed by Oliver Reed and Diana Rigg, is underemployed.

Reed plays the chairman of the Assassination Bureau, Ltd. For a price, the bureau will undertake the homicide of deserving victims. Like a Star Chamber court they weigh each case by their own sense of justice.

Rigg, an enterprising journalist, decides to end the bureau by approaching Reed for a hit. Reed accepts, only to discover she wants Reed to assassinate himself. Amused, he accepts. The bureau, he thinks, has become too mercenary, killing whether they've carefully weighed the justice of the murder or not.

Bringing it before the Bureau, Reed suggests they clean house -- either they kill the chairman, or he kills all of them.

And this is just in the first fifteen minutes.

What follows is an episodic cat-and-mouse game and, like all episodic features, some episodes work better than others. The scenes in Switzerland and Vienna, for example, are remarkably uninteresting, while the scenes in Venice show flashes of brilliance. Best scene: Diana Rigg, swathed in only a towel, trying to discover whether there is a bomb in her room, whether it's just a clock, or whether it's altogether her imagination. The most embarrassing is an extended foray in a French bordello.

Scrumptuous turn-of-the-century sets, far better than anything in similar period features like "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang", make for great eye-candy. The whole feature plays light-handedly, so its treatment of death never comes off even as black-comedic, as with the superior "The Wrong Box". To accentuate the joking element is the addition of a wacky late-sixties type song about love that makes the Carpenters sound profound.

Silly as it is, and dull as it can be in spots, its high spirit is infectious. How much of it is Jack London, I don't know, but it's a far cry from "The Sea Wolf"