- François Durnais: Your honor, I am a member of the bar and wish to represent myself.
- Philipe Forrestier: You realize that a lawyer who represents himself is said to have a fool for a client?
- François Durnais: That may be true, but it's better than having a fool for a lawyer.
- Simone Pistache: What would you like to do with me?
- Philipe Forrestier: I haven't decided.
- Simone Pistache: I think you have.
- Philipe Forrestier: Perhaps you're right.
- Simone Pistache: You are a lousy lawyer and an unreliable lover!
- François Durnais: I am *not* a lousy lawyer.
- Simone Pistache: Oh, François! You'll never know how grateful I am.
- François Durnais: Yes, I will.
- Simone Pistache: Jewelry on my garter. Makes me feel - irresistible.
- Simone Pistache: You know what I'm doing? I'm sitting on diamonds. Imagine me, sitting on diamonds. It's quite a sensation.
- François Durnais, Paul Barriere: [singing] Montmart', Montmart', Where the quail never fail to win you, Where we say Oop-la!
- François Durnais: Where are you going, Mama?
- François Durnais, Paul Barriere: Montmart', Montmart', Montmart'
- Paul Barriere: Now, now, now. Wait a minute. The Can-Can is against the law. You know that, François.
- François Durnais: You mean you don't want to see it?
- Paul Barriere: Of course I do! Who doesn't? But, a man my position. If it becomes known that I watched the Can-Can - what does the law call it: lewd and lascivious performance - what could I say? How could I defend myself?
- Bailiff: The prisoners are charged with violation of the Public Morals Law of 1790, in that, they did willfully perform a lewd and lascivious dance, calculated to inflame the minds, souls and moral fibers of the spectators.
- Claudine: [excitedly] We did?
- Paul Barriere: May I ask, who filed this complaint?
- League president: We did, Monsieur Le President. We represent the League Against Filthy Dancing.
- Philipe Forrestier: We may never get along, you and I. But, we certainly won't if you take me for a fool.
- François Durnais: I take people as I find them.
- François Durnais: [singing] When love comes in, And takes you for a spin, Oo-la, la-la, C'est magnifi-que...
- Philipe Forrestier: I've met your type: nothing in life matters, but, having a good time. I know you very well.
- François Durnais: My dear Judge, when I think of things you're missing. How wonderful...
- Philipe Forrestier: Oh, yes, yes. Wonderful, wonderful. Wine from a ladies slipper. A dawn in a strange bed. Intoxicating intrigue. Romance. Romance in gay Paris. Spare me the rest of the cliches, would you?
- François Durnais: I never thought I'd hear a Frenchman say that things are more important than Romance.
- Philipe Forrestier: Detectives are like everyone else: always trying to take advantage of a poor, vulnerable girl.
- Simone Pistache: Smoke?
- Philipe Forrestier: No, thank you.
- Simone Pistache: Mind if I do?
- Philipe Forrestier: No.
- Simone Pistache: Does it shock you?
- Philipe Forrestier: Not at all. But, isn't it bad for the lungs?
- Simone Pistache: What do you think?
- Philipe Forrestier: In my profession, I never give an opinion without examining the evidence.
- [Simone slips her matches in her cleavage]
- Simone Pistache: It takes much organization to find out who wants which with whom and who wants who.
- Simone Pistache: Yes, he kissed me.
- François Durnais: Where did he kiss you?
- Simone Pistache: On the lips!
- François Durnais: No-no, I mean, in the boudoir...
- Simone Pistache: François!
- François Durnais: The biggest reason in the world today for infidelity is marriage. Now, eliminate marriage and you'll never see any such thing as an unfaithful husband.
- Simone Pistache: Oh! Oh, cut off your legs so you'll never have flat feet!
- François Durnais: Everybody does it. Why, even in France, the best upper sets do it.
- [singing]
- François Durnais: Lithuanians and Letts do it Let's do it, let's fall in love
- Simone Pistache: Oh, I've heard that before!
- François Durnais: In old Japan all the Japs do it, Up in Lapland little Laps do it, Let's do it...
- Philipe Forrestier: [singing] Dress and let dress
- Paul Barriere: That's fine, But, strip and let strip, Live and let live
- Philipe Forrestier: Live and let live
- Philipe Forrestier, Paul Barriere: And remember this line:
- Paul Barriere: Your business
- Philipe Forrestier: Is my business and your business
- Paul Barriere: Is mine
- Philipe Forrestier, Paul Barriere: Your business is your business and my business is mine.
- Simone Pistache: Now, listen, I'm not cheap, I'm not a liar, and I'm not a thief. I want to be treated with re-spect!
- François Durnais: [singing] Though your lips are tempting, They're the wrong lips, They're not her lips, But they're such tempting lips...
- François Durnais: [singing] There's someone I'm trying so hard to forget, Don't you want to forget someone, too?
- François Durnais: I thought about murder, suicide, chronic alcoholism. But, none of those things satisfy me.
- Paul Barriere: No other schemes?
- François Durnais: Yes, one more. Forget she ever existed.