- Albanian Ambassador: My lord! The crisis grows more grave by the hour.
- The Marquess of Frinton: Then I suggest, Mr. Ambassador, that we sleep on it. Crises always manage to look better in the morning.
- Mae Jenkins: [Looking indifferently at the leaning tower of Pisa] So it leans. So a lot of things lean.
- Paolo Maltese: [Turning to Mae] You ever heard of Galileo, maybe?
- Mae Jenkins: Sure I have heard of Galileo.
- Paolo Maltese: [Turning to Joey] She ever heard of Galileo?
- Joey Friedlander: Nah...
- Paolo Maltese: Five-six hundred years ago, this Galileo dropped two stones off that tower, one big one, and one little one.
- Mae Jenkins: So?
- Paolo Maltese: So he proved the law of gravity or somethin'. I don't know.
- Mae Jenkins: And brained a couple of citizens, maybe. Big deal.
- Paolo Maltese: And this is the girl, my fidanzata, that I am bringing home to meet my folks. Of all the women in the whole world that I can choose from to be my wife, who do I choose? An ignorant slob of a hatcheck girl who thinks Pisa - Piazza del Duomo in Pisa, Joey - is a stopping-off place between hamburger joints.
- The Marquess of Frinton: Oh Osborn!
- Osborn: Yes My lord.
- The Marquess of Frinton: Have the motorcar returned to Hoopers. It displeases me.
- Paolo Maltese: [Pointing at the Cathedral of Pisa with pride] Look at it.
- Mae Jenkins: What is it?
- Paolo Maltese: The Cathedral. That is the most beautiful and the most famous cathedral in the whole world.
- Mae Jenkins: Yeah, it's got too many pillars.
- Paolo Maltese: Too many pillars...
- Mae Jenkins: Yeah.
- Paolo Maltese: Listen to me. That is the most beautiful and the most famous cathedral in the whole WORLD.
- Mae Jenkins: It's got too many pillars!
- Paolo Maltese: It was built in 1050!
- Mae Jenkins: Yeah, so in 1050 they put in too many pillars!
- Mae Jenkins: Look - The car is smiling! It's got eyes, a nose... and a mouth! You know what else it's got? Class! Paolo, l want this one!
- Mae Jenkins: I guess they are immoral.
- Joey Friedlander: No. Amoral.
- Mae Jenkins: There's a difference?
- Joey Friedlander: Sure, an immoral guy is a guy who knows he's doing wrong, but he keeps on doing it anyway. Like me, Paolo, or maybe you might. An amoral guy doesn't know it's wrong.
- Mae Jenkins: Well, so he keeps on doing it too?
- Paolo Maltese: [Turning toward the Baptistery] This over here is the Baptistery. From all over the world...
- Mae Jenkins: Oh well.
- [and walks away]
- Paolo Maltese: [Catches up with her, exasperated] Listen. THAT is the Baptistery. From all over the world people are coming here everyday just to look at it.
- Mae Jenkins: Well, I guess they just must like baptisteries.
- [Walks away]
- Paolo Maltese: [Turning to Joey] Without exception, Joey, without challenge from anyone anywhere, this is the most stupidest, the most unfeelingest, the most uncooperative broad in the whole planet.