How to Stuff a Wild Bikini

"How to Stuff a Wild Bikini" is almost a pretty good movie. It looks good and has a game cast. It's just a little too dumb to really enjoy. There aren't any real laughs. There are quite a few almost laughs. There are a lot of songs but they are all pretty bad. The only thing the songs have going for them is that they are short, very short. I managed to watch all of "How to Stuff a Wild Bikini" but I don't think I'll be revisiting it anytime soon.

My 12 year old watched this with me this morning (it was raining) and she was laughing at the old fashionedness of the movie. I would have rather watched a better example of the "beach movie" but we still had fun.

At one point Mickey Rooney tells one of the bikini clad girls how cute she is and goes to chuck her on her chin, and on the way to her chin, his hand clips her right breast. My daughter said, "Hey, did he just touch her boob?" Well, we have TIVO and rewound the movie. Yes he did. How'd that get by the censors?

But the musical scenes were hysterical for her, and we both agreed that Annette looked way too old to be hanging out with all of the bikini girls! And why wasn't she screaming when she took that motorcycle ride?

The second to last Beach Party movie. In this one Frankie Avalon is separated from Annette Funicello by being in the Naval Reserve. While on an island he gets a witch doctor (Buster Keaton!) to see if Annette is being faithful to him. Keaton sends a pelican (???) to spy on Annette. Meanwhile handsome, attractive Ricky (Dwayne Hickman) is hitting on her. Then there's Mickey Rooney looking for the boy next door and girl next door for an ad campaign.

Even for a beach party movie this is pretty desperate. Funicello looks way too old to be hanging out at the beach (and her pregnancy is clearly visible); the dialogue is more inane than usual; the songs are (to be nice) terrible; the jokes are stubbornly unfunny; Hickman is as bland as they come (even worse than Chris O'Donnell); Harvey Lembeck returns as the incredibly unfunny Eric von Zipper; the "comical" motorcycle race at the end is incredibly stupid; and it's kind of sad seeing Keaton and Rooney reduced to this. Still, this is kind of fun in a silly sort of way. It's not even remotely good but I kept watching. The Claymation opening is fun and I did laugh out loud at the "Bewitched" joke at the end. Also this is perfect for young kids. So it's not good but it's harmless. It's certainly better than the next (and last) beach party movie "Ghost in the Invisible Bikini"!

This is the final film to feature Frankie Avalon and Annette Funicello as Frankie and Dee Dee, and it is also the worst. Avalon had grown weary of playing an over-aged teen-ager and wanted to do something more with his career and at the same time Annette Funicello had recently married and was starting a family. In fact, Ms. Funicello was very pregnant at the time the film was released. Also, Avalon was in the middle of filming Sgt. Deadhead and couldn't appear in the entire film. The solution, bring in Dwayne Hickman as Rick, an advertising executive, to keep Dee Dee busy while Frankie was off on military duty. This was a big mistake. These best thing about the "Beach Party" films was the chemistry between Avalon and Funicello and this film falls flat on its face because the two are on screen together for only a minute (not counting the duet they sang via split screen). After this film was completed, the two retired from the genre, Avalon to attempt more serious roles and Funicello to raise her family. However, Samuel Z. Arkoff tried to keep the series rolling a couple of more years before he finally gave up the ghost, and not the one in the invisible bikini.

I purchased the DVD version of this movie and would like to inform other 'Beach Party' movie lovers that MGM has done a great job on the video and sound. I have in the past had to suffer through very low quality VHS copies of the Beach Party movies, where I wound up throwing away the tape and putting a VHS tape that I recorded off TV into the box. That won't be the case here! (even if I could record a DVD) As for the movie ... Well, it is my least favorite of the Frankie and Annette Beach Party movies ... And I think I'm in the majority there. But if you love the Beach Party genre of movies you have to have this one too and you don't need me to tell you about it.

<standing salute to MGM>