The Iron Maiden

I first saw this in in the cinema when it was released. A big treat at the time. Later recorded it off the TV and would love to buy the DVD. It isn't perfect and there are plot holes however, it only requires a little suspension of disbelief.

It's a warm family film and gives me comfort in stressful times. A step up from the Carry Ons with some magnificent cameo performances.

The machinery is fascinating and this film is where my love of traction engines began. The cars are also stars. It's also a reminder of the days when we had a vibrant aircraft industry.

The English countryside in summer has never looked better.

There is just sufficient jeopardy and romance to make a complete story.

It's not called 'The Swingin' Maiden' that is a recent made up name, for some unknown reason to me, it was originally titled and has always been 'The Iron Maiden' (note the name of the engine in the film).

I gave this review with that title. It's made by the Carry On team and includes some of their actors, it could have been called "Carry on Steaming", but maybe not, despite being made by them it's not really in the Carry On style, it's more like an Ealing Comedy, the Carry on actors included are Joan Sims and Jim Dale, with Cyril Chamberlain who also did Ealing comedies and Judith Furse who did a variety of stuff.

It's more of a 50's Rom Com (although made in the 60's) style, and similar style and content to Genevive with Kenneth More, this time it's got Michael Craig, with Anne Helm as his American love interest. Anyway it's a pretty good film, nice countryside, with good photography, and its well made. The big stars are of course the steam traction engines and the guest star the Handley Page Victor, one of the beautiful V-Bombers from the 50's.

If you want to fantasise what 1950's England was like, this is the film, although if it ever was like that it was only in small parts, it's not like that any more, and mostly it never was.

But it is a lovely film, and while the lockdown is in full flow, something very nice to watch any afternoon.

Update 2024, Having looked at it again, I noticed that IMDB have returned its true title to this film, and it is now back as "The Iron Maiden", and about time too.

Which isn't saying much, let's face it. What is it about the British and old vehicles? Not only do we love them but we insist on making movies about them ('Genevieve' and 'The Titfield Thunderbolt', both from 1953, spring to mind). This film doesn't have the classic status of these earlier films. I think the writing has to take a lot of the blame, the characters are poorly drawn and not believable, while the editing often lets down what could be a punchline.

The cast also divides between those who can play comedy (such as Cecil Parker, Noel Purcell and Jim Dale) and those who can't (the lead players unfortunately).

To my mind the funniest character is Noel Purcell's Admiral Trevelyan with his blasphemous demands to his fireman (the local Vicar): "Hell's bells! Don't just stand there! Pray, blast ya, pray!!!"

Genevieve (1952) about the annual London to Brighton veteran car rally, and The Titfield Thunderbolt (1954) about plucky villagers running their own countryside railway, were two classic and much loved British film comedies where the charm of colourful memorable characters vied with that of quaint machinery. Iron Maiden exactly follows that formula but comprehensively fails. Why? Most obviously Michael Craig who completely lacks the wonderful redeeming charm of similar obsessives Kenneth More and John Gregson.

It may just be that the appeal of veteran cars as well as old railways was more the countryside they travelled through and that they carried people and all their goods. Steam traction engines in contrast were essentially industrial and agricultural machines - the fancy decoration only applied to fairground showmans' machines. Cars and trains intimately involve human stories - traction engines - seen here just doing circles in front of enthusiasts - don't. The late much-missed TV star steam enthusiast Fred Dibnah suffered the departure of his wife over his unshared obsession with a steam traction engine. Again, for the public, he, his charm and his very human story was the interest, not the ironmongery.

That traction engine obsessive Craig is also a cutting edge aircraft designer is not explained or persuasive. Apart from rare quality footage of the Victor nuclear bomber standing in for a new airliner, the aviation plot is limp.

The film trundles along the runway without ever gathering enough speed take off.

Technically weak, but then I'm an anorak. Delightful story, and invaluable film of the early steam preservation movement in the UK. It is good to see so many traction engines and steam rollers Did I mention the "Safety Valve"? To those in the know I don't need to, the throbbing, sweaty looking brass thing in front of the driver is supposed to be a safety valve, it is in fact a lubricator and clouting it with a hammer would make no difference whatsoever. (Also it is in totally the wrong place!) At the time of filming The Iron Maiden (or Kitchener to give her her proper name) was owned by a gentleman called John Crawley who actually doubled for Anne Helm for some of the driving shots. The Iron Maiden (yes, the name stuck) is still around today and can regularly be seen at various steam rallies around the countryside. All technical inaccuracies aside, just enjoy, they don't make 'em like that any more.