The Beast of Yucca Flats

Coleman Francis. Gadzooks! When people talk about bad directors they always mention Ed Wood or Andy Milligan, some get as far as H.G. Lewis and real devotees of bad movies will mention Bill Rebane but no one, I mean NO ONE talks about Coleman Francis. Even among bad film afficionados he is a forgotten man. Could his movies be THAT bad? Well actually . . .YES! THE BEAST OF YUCCA FLATS is a movie people remember to-day because it was Tor Johnson's last theatrical film. This movie is the sort of thing drive-in owners lived for. Swedish Tor Johnson, former wrestling superheavyweight champion (in 1935) plays a Russian rocket scientist named Joseph Javorsky. He has defected to America to answer the question of how a flag has been mysteriously planted on the moon. Of course we never find out; in fact that potentially world shaking bit of information is forgotten about 10 minutes into the movie. Tor is chased by a couple of KGB agents into the desert. Notice how these 2 young, healthy guys run and run and run but cannot catch up to the 400lb ex-wrestler. Also notice how they shoot at him from all of 10 meters away and miss! They are all on a nuclear test site but nobody seems to care about that, until the bomb goes off of course. The atom bomb vaporises the 2 bad guys but Tor survives . . .sort of, and mutates into the mad "beast" whom 2 cops spend the rest of the movie tracking down. This picture is also memorable because it is silent. Yes, silent! The soundtrack was either lost or accidentally erased depending on who you talk to (I have heard the same story about THE CREEPING TERROR, 1965) and a narrator tells us what the characters are saying and in some cases even what they are thinking! Is this a classic? Gadzooks no. Is it fun? You bet! It is on video from several sources. Back in 1960 you could have seen this at the drive-in on a double bill with the ultra rare Japanese science fiction thriller SECRET OF THE TELEGIAN. Hmmmm. If I had been around back then that would deffinitely been worth 35cents of my money. Okay now let's talk about that other forgotten director, Joe Mascelli who did THE ATOMIC BRAIN (1965).

There is something very Zen-like about "Beast of Yucca Flats". The vast lingering views of the desert Southwest. The odd disconnected dialogue that sounds completely disembodied. The haiku like narration.

It is in the spirit of Coleman Francis' narration that I now give impressions of the film: A clock ticks. A beautiful girl. A hidden killer. The clock stops. There is no connection.

The vast desert. A plane lands. Joseph Javorski, noted scientist. Joseph Javorski, who looks like he could eat whole pigs, has the fate of the world in his briefcase. The Kremlin's best make him a target. The wheels of progress grind on.

A chase. Bullets. Murder. Flag on the Moon...how did it get there? A bomb. More progress. Touch a button, something happens. A scientist becomes a beast.

Figures in a landscape. Who knows how long we really have? Joe and Jim, desert patrolman. They guard freedom and democracy 24/7 in this landscape. A beast is on the loose. Joseph Javorski, once a noted scientist, now...nothing.

There is no progress in the desert. Yet its effects are everywhere. Man's progress. Quench the killer's thirst. A family stops for a rest. The beast appears. A terrible mistake. Policemen with quick guns and the minds of swine. An innocent man dies. Who cares? Two boys feed soda pop to thirsty pigs. It's progress, you know.

Confrontation. A fight that is not a fight. A gun with no bullets fires. Joseph Javorski, noted scientist, becomes rabbit food. The wheels of progress grind on. End.

The viewer's mind becomes nothing. What have we seen? Who believes in flying saucers? Coleman Francis. The name lingers on. The lonely cry of desert winds. I love the movies.

A confusing and mind melting mess of a film. They don't make them like this anymore! Tor Johnson's chance to star! Tor, as you may know, was a professional wrestler who went on to fame in Ed Wood, Jr. films like Bride of the Monster and Plan Nine from Outer Space. His huge build, like a human wall, and his bald head became famous. They still sell Halloween masks with his image!

In this film atrocity, he plays an atomic scientist on the run! Watch how government agents empty their guns shooting at him at close range, but can't hit his huge 400 pound body! If fact people are repeatedly shot in this film without any effect whatsoever. The film is most famous for its near total lack of dialogue, as an off screen narrator tells the audience what is going on and endlessly babbles cryptic philosophical insights on the modern world. Out of nowhere the narrator says things like "Flag on the Moon, how did get there?" "Young boys feed soda to the thirsty pigs."

The "plot" has Tor accidently stumbling into an atomic bomb test (funny how that happens), getting his clothes ripped up in the process, and then becoming a sort of hermit like desert cave dweller with a big stick. He likes to grab women, carry them around, and lick their hair. There are some other plot elements, but they don't make much sense. In fact, nothing in this movie makes much sense. Perhaps its all meant to be "art" and if so, its a lot more fun than any Andy Warhol film ever was. I would love to make serious film students watch and study Beast of Yucca Flats to learn its cinematic techniques and digest its social commentary.

The long version of the movie contains a nude scene at the beginning. Yes, the film drags in places, but its a unique and unforgettable work.

This Coleman Francis gem is now infamous for its horrible acting, editing, erm, pretty much horrible in every way. A defecting nuclear scientist is being chased by the Reds into the desert, where a nuclear test just happens to be taking place. The scientist (played by Tor Johnston, from other cinematic gems such as The Unearthly and The Atomic Brain) is made into a hideous monster by the radiation from the nuclear blast, and he roams the Arizona desert looking for victims to strangle.

I think the thing I find the most annoying about The Beast of Yucca Flats is the endless prattling by the narrator, who says inane things such as "Push a button, something happens", etc. Huh??? This movie has even more narration than The Creeping Terror. Don't even attempt to watch this movie except maybe the MST3K version. Joel and the bots can ease your pain through it.

I don't know what it is, but I find this stupifying excuse for a movie almost hypnotic in its sheer badness. I am starting to think it is so bad that it's perhaps the greatest movie ever made! Should I give it a 1 or 10? It's horrible, but not horrible like 'Manos', 'Wild World of Batwoman' or 'Stroker Ace'. Those are completely unwatchable movies. 'Beast' stands up to frequent repeated viewings (much like 'Plan 9'). I have to say that being a BIG Tor Johnson fan may have something to do with it, but I don't feel the same way about 'The Unearthly' & Tor utters perhaps the most memorable line in film history in that one.

Perhaps it's the magical touch of Coleman Francis. This is his 'Kane' & it shows frame by frame. The non-sensical narration, the stellar casting, the existence of the first scene in the movie (why??), the sparse landscape, the light aircraft...

All I know is, I just can't get enough of this movie. Good thing Englewood Entertainment has seen fit to release the film on DVD, although I will also keep the copy Conrad Brooks gave me a few years ago why blowing through town showing Plan 9. I only wish Englewood had released it in 'Letterbox' format with director's commentary & a documentary of the making of 'Beast'. Yes, I know Coleman's dead, but somebody somewhere had to be asking Mr. Francis WHY at the time & got it down on film or tape. At the least, I think Conrad is still around to lend some clues.

I feel an idea for a book coming on, but what I'm trying to convey with this overlong comment is that there is excellence and there is amateurish bafoonery, but with the case of this film, the distinction in my brain has been blurred. Perhaps the rating system is not a straight line, but a circle. And '0' & '10' are the same.

By the way, I love the treatment MST3K gave this stinker (along with the rest of the Coleman Francis trilogy), but even that deadens the effect. Watch that one if you must, but for the full effect buy the DVD/VHS of the standard release & watch it. Not once, but about 12 times will do it. Then you will know what I'm talking about. Judging by some of the '10' ratings out there, I may not be alone in this opinion.