La reina de las amazonas

This film is strikingly similar to (and, incredibly, even worse than) Terence Young's THE AMAZONS (1974), which I watched only last month. Rod Taylor, who had just become a star thanks to George Pal's screen version of H.G. Wells' THE TIME MACHINE (1960), unwisely chose to follow it up with this turkey; his performance is embarrassing – especially the lamentable attempts at comedy – and, in fact, comes off like a cut-rate Tony Curtis! Likewise, Ed Fury makes very little impression as the proverbial muscleman (and, presumably, the Colossus of the title – though his character is actually named Glauco, even in the English-dubbed version!).

As for the women, here we have: a rather unattractively made-up Dorian Gray (a regular fixture of Toto' comedies, though she also appeared in one film apiece by Fellini and Antonioni!); Daniela Rocca (best known as the mousy wife Marcello Mastroianni wants to get rid of in Pietro Germi's DIVORCE – Italian STYLE [1961]), whose character is constantly falling flat on her face for no apparent reason!; and Gianna Maria Canale (who appeared in countless sword-and-sandal titles but also starred in the first Italian horror film, I VAMPIRI [1956], co-directed by Riccardo Freda and Mario Bava), who's been saddled with the rather thankless role of the Amazon Queen who must fulfill her destiny by remaining a spinster!

Truly, this has to be one of the worst films ever - which prompted director Bertrand Tavernier, then a film critic, to call it "one of the funniest of Italian comedies"! - which, from the very first shot (in which a trumpeter loses his grip on his instrument!), gives you an idea of the clumsiness you are about to witness – with the inappropriate 'modern' score (including the dance routines that are a cross between Busby Berkeley and WEST SIDE STORY [1961]!) and the hilarious dubbing (particularly during the one scene where Tiberio Murgia, so memorable as Claudia Cardinale's jealous elder brother in BIG DEAL ON MADONNA STREET [1958], appears) featuring prominently among its highlights…er…lowpoints!

Comedic sword and sandal attempt has Aussie Rod Taylor playing a cheeky swindler, conned into travelling to an island on the promise of treasure, discovering that he and his companions are actually man-cargo being delivered to a race of lusty Amazon women for domestic and sexual servitude. Doesn't sound all that bad really. Trouble emerges when the warrior-who-would-be-Queen (Gray) falls for the burly Glauco (Fury), deepening a rift between her and nemesis Melitta (Rocca) that spirals into an internecine contest, further compounded when pirates discover the secluded hamlet.

It's frolicking fun with a high camp quality that you'll either find amusing or dull. Taylor and Fury rarely have a moment without some form of slapstick or situation comedy, while beauties Gray and Rocca have an hilarious rivalry of which Rocca always seems to be on the wrong end. I thought her frequent stumbles were pretty funny in a corny sort of way, and Gianna Canale's horny Queen Regina constantly bemoaning her chastity vow ("does a kiss have a flavour?") also hit the right note. The three female leads also happen to be exceptionally attractive women to boot, which both Taylor and Fury seem to fully appreciate.

Overall, it's a comedy without pretense, featuring a glamorous cast, some witty dialogue, epic sets and the usual colourful costumes. A funny take on domestic role reversal that's politically incorrect but unlikely to offend (e.g. the smug looks on the faces of Taylor and Fury after cheap attempts at groping their masters are rebuffed). Incidentally, there's also a great scene in which a portly, balding and bearded slave plays a kissing Casanova to an endless queue of frisky Amazons that shouldn't be missed for pure ham value.

Seeing this film credit for Rod Taylor sandwiched in between The Time Machine and The Birds made me wonder just who was this guy's agent at the time and how come Rod Taylor got roped into this one? He had the look of a man who was happy with his trip to Italy for Colossus And The Amazon Queen and the satisfied look of a man whose paycheck for the film just cleared the bank.

Rod Taylor and Italian muscle dude star Ed Fury are a buddy team in this film, Rod does the thinking and Ed the heavy lifting when needed. Rod unfortunately cons Fury the way Crosby used to con Hope and thanks to Rod's machinations, the two of them and a whole lot of other guys who were galley slaves on a ship wind up slaves to a tribe of Amazons.

Now this race of woman does occasionally have need of men and their services and for that the hunkier they are, the better purchase price they get. In fact Rod can't close the deal unless Fury is part of the package.

Unfortunately after a night of bliss the men get themselves taken to slave in the salt mines. The ones who don't quite measure in the hunk department end up as house servants. This was one really lame attempt at gay stereotyping.

Colossus And The Amazon Queen plays like an overlong episode of the old Hercules series with Kevin Sorbo. As we all know Rod Taylor still salvaged a career after appearing in this. That in itself was the biggest miracle associated with this film.

Taken within the confines of the genre this is a humorous silly adventure. What sets it apart slightly from the usual run of the mill toga films is an odd jazz flavored score and the presence of Rod Taylor at the beginning of his career. Within a few years he's be working for Hitchcock starring in The Birds as well as appearing in other big budget films like The V.I.P.S. and The Time Machine something that no one else in the cast or any other of these sex and sandal flicks ever got remotely close too. Taylor was always a big beefy guy but he is positively dwarfed by Ed Fury, who physique is as usual in awe inspiring shape. Loaded with homo-erotic subtext and dreadful dialog watch this for its camp value and a star on the rise.

The music score, which ranges from boogie-woogie to a sort of sleazy Vegas romance music, cues you in right away that this is not a movie to be taken seriously. Rod Taylor (as a sort of low-life grifter) and Ed Fury (his muscle-man pal) find themselves prisoners of a tribe of man hungry amazons. Gender bending comedy abounds (male prisoners who've grown accustomed to their fate exchange recipes and complain about not getting their laundry "sparkling", all with swishy mannerisms and camp voices --- very un-PC and funny as hell) along with low-brow slapstick. Viewers tuning in to a movie entitled COLOSSUS AND THE AMAZON QUEEN expecting thoughtful, serious drama will of course be disappointed. Those with more realistic expectations may find this a delight.