The Naked Witch

I can understand why some people wouldn't like this movie. It's very low-budget and goofy, it has plot holes you could drive a truck through, and when it comes to the (not-so)Naked Witch herself even the unedited version is incredibly tame by today's standards. However, I LOVE this kind of regional, low-budget film-making. This early Larry Buchanon flick, was actually filmed entirely in Luchenbach, Texas, a small town founded by German settlers and later made famous by a Waylon Jennings/Willie Nelson country song. And it makes a GREAT setting for a low-budget horror movie. With the cheesy voice-over narration, Buchanon even manages to anticipate later 70's regional exploitation movies like "The Legend of Boggy Creek" and the whole bigfoot/ "In Search of" craze, and even many more modern-day films about local legends like "The Last Broadcast" or "The Blair Witch Project" (although don't hold the last one against him).

A college student comes to modern-day (as of 1961) Luchenbach, Texas, to research the legend of the "Angry Widow", a widowed woman who was skewered by the superstitious 18th century German settlers of the town after being betrayed by her craven married lover. In a rather ridiculous plot twist, the college student decides to dig up the body of the widow for some reason and remove the stake from her heart. The "Naked Witch" then rises from the grave to take her revenge on several locals who are related to her original tormentors. But when she threatens the pretty daughter of the innkeeper, who our rather dimwitted hero has fallen for, it is up to him to find the mountain pond where the pretty young witch is skinny-dipping and drive his stake into her (and then he has to figure out a way to kill her!)

I'm not going to claim this is great film. If you want a big-budget, go see the latest "Transformers" sequel, or if you want sex, go rent a porno. But I found this quite entertaining despite some illogical plotting and a very perfunctory ending. And this is only the second best film to ever be shot in Luchenbach--even better is Larry Buchanon's later film "Strawberries Need Rain". These kind of films aren't for everybody, but you like this kind of low-budget, off-Hollywood, slice-of Americana film-making, you shouldn't miss this.

You would think a movie that is less than an hour long couldn't be boring and filled with time killing nothingness but you would be very wrong. The first ten minutes of this horrible flick is a narrator explaining the history of witches while they show old paintings. Then we meet the main character who takes turns explaining the the non-story with the narrator. The guys car runs out of gas and he just leaves it and never goes back for it. Did I mention they constantly say it's dark when you can clearly tell that it's not? I hate that. Never watch this movie, trust me.

To be fair, this low budget film should be viewed from the prism of its time, but even so, I don't recommend wasting any of yours on viewing it. Frankly, I didn't watch it all the way through, which is something rare for me. 1961 was a pretty repressed time in our country, and I think the main object of the film makers' intent was to titillate with the idea of a naked female character. I have a hard time believing that the protagonist didn't take a change of clothes on his journey, nor could I believe that the bedroom was 18th century. I regret that "Mystery Science Theatre 3000" is no more, as this film would have been great for them to spoof. This movie is worse than Seasonal Affective Disorder. Do yourself a favor and avoid it at all costs.

This regional horror from schlockmeister Larry Buchanan is often confused with a film by Andy Milligan that bears the same title. Milligan's movie has long been considered lost, which is probably for the best (if you're familiar with his work, you'll know why I say that), but Buchanan's film has no such sense of shame: it's unapologetically awful and still out there for the world to see.

The Naked Witch is just under an hour long, but Buchanan still dedicates the first ten minutes of his film to a dry history lesson about witchcraft which comprises of nothing but close-ups of Hieronymus Bosch paintings accompanied by monotonous narration. It's a real test of any trash movie fan's resolve. The rest of the film is no better...

Robert Short, in his one and only screen role (no surprise there), plays a college student who travels to the hill country of central Texas to carry out research for his thesis on early German festivals, with a particular interest in the folklore and superstition of the people who live there. After hearing the story of a witch (Libby Hall) who was executed in the area one hundred years earlier, he locates her grave, digs up her mummified corpse and removes the stake that still pierces her chest. The dead woman returns to life to avenge herself, killing the ancestors of the man who condemned her.

The vast majority of this film appears to have been shot with no sound, meaning that many scenes are narrated by the central character, whose voiceover is like aural temazepam. Buchanan has also managed to source some of the worst organ music imaginable to slap over his film. The direction is lifeless, the editing is amateurish, and the acting is atrocious.

There is, of course, the naked witch to spice things up, Hall stripping off to go skinny dipping, but the application of ridiculous make-up, especially to her eyebrows, ensures that she isn't very sexy. Bizarre brows don't stop the student from boffing the witch, but, in the end, he kills the reanimated woman to save the life of pretty blonde Kirska (Jo Maryman).

This early Larry Buchanan opus is barely feature length at 59 minutes, yet it requires considerable padding to get even that far: It opens with a nearly ten-minute pseudo-documentary prologue discussing the history of witchery (and making use of a lot of Hieronymous Bosch imagery), then follows that with travelogue footage and an explanation of how a Texas small town remained a largely German-speaking one, over a century since its creation by German settlers. (This is accompanied by shots of flaxen-haired children in traditional garb dancing, singing and skipping around, very much kitsch like the German part of Disney's "It's a Small World.") Then our handsome collegiate hero tells us in voice-over-- there's not a lot of actual dialogue in this movie--why he's driving to this outback. He's researching a thesis paper on the region, notably its own witchcraft legends and persecutions.

Other people have described the minimalist plot well enough. What should be pointed out, however, is that "The Naked Witch" is--as the title suggests--more a "nudie cutie" masquerading as a horror movie than anything else. The witch does indeed appear nude-- raised from the dead, she's nekkid, and wanders around teasingly semi-hidden by shadow, shrubbery and fences until she literally rips off a dress from the heroine. (At one point the witch actress was apparently over-exposed, because a crude black bar appears on screen to cover her naughty bits.) Later the hero spies her skinny-dipping in a pretty murky-looking river, and we see her topless for quite a stretch. She seduces him, and they have a sort of sex scene--of course not at all explicit, but it's still rare for a movie of this era to make it so clear that intercourse has occurred.

Anyway, this quirky sexploitation/horror melange--with its violence so discreet as to be almost non-existent--is amusingly odd and too brief to become boring.