King Dinosaur

Yes, it really is THAT bad. Armadillos and stock footage standing in as dinosaurs, V2 launch films run in reverse to depict a landing, nuking the new planet to save it... well, I could go on.

Godon's later films, expecially the "Amazing Colossal" movies, provide great guilty pleasures. King Dinosaur, however, can't even provide that. And I had to watch it five times to be certain. It's interesting mainly for what it said about the movie-going public of 1954.

COULD BE ON THE 100 WORST LIST.

Scientists discover a new planet and decide to send an exploratory rocket with four scientists (two men and two women - how convenient) aboard. The planet closely resembles Earth with its breathable atmosphere, lush vegetation, and plethora of wildlife. The place seems simply ideal - that is, until they visit an island in the middle of a nearby lake. The island's inhabitants aren't as cute and cuddly as the lemur they've adopted and named Joe. The island is home to dinosaurs! Can our band of intrepid scientists escape the island before they become a snack?

One of the things I enjoy about 1950s sci-fi is that regardless of how bad or ridiculous a movie might be, these movies usually have a certain naive charm about them. That's not the case here. King Dinosaur has nothing that could remotely be called "charm". It's an abysmal mess. Even by Bert I. Gordon's standards it's a wretched movie (and if you're unfamiliar with Gordon's other works, those are some pretty low standards). The plot is pathetic. The acting is plain out pitiful. The depiction of the "scientists" and "science" is ludicrous. The special effects are a laugh-out-loud joke. The staged lizard/iguana/alligator fights are reprehensible. At least half the movie is composed of stock footage. And the movie is such a technical mess that I'm surprised this bunch of bozos was even able to get it on film. I'm racking my brain, but I've got absolutely nothing positive to say.

But the most ridiculous moment in King Dinosaur (and one of the most ridiculous moments in movie history) comes about 5 minutes before the movie's end. Before the four "scientists" leave the island, one of them says, "I brought the atom bomb. I think it's a good time to use it." Huh? What did he just say? You mean he's been carrying an atomic weapon around like a loaf of bread? Carrying around food, water, or . . . oh I don't know . . . scientific equipment might make sense, but an atom bomb? I could even see carrying some sort of small hand-held weapon for self defense, but a nuclear warhead? It's got to be one of the most ridiculous moments ever put on film.

OK, never mind that this film seems to be 30 minutes of actual movie time, padded with another 33 minutes of stock footage (some of it swiped from 'One Million BC') process shots and traveling mattes. Never mind the 'emotional scientists', especially the blond housewife who goes to pieces so often she should have come pre-assembled like a box of Legos. Never mind the brain-dead science on display, where Planet Nova appears to be exactly like Wisconsin, except for the lemurs, giant bees, rubber alligators, and a lake with an island full of dinosaurs. Never mind that at one point, the blond lady says, "Maybe we don't need to keep watch. Joe (the lemur) seems to be pretty good at shouting alarms!"

I can get past all that, in the name of 50's sci-fi conventions and low budgets.

But 5-6 minutes from the end, after one couple has rescued the other from the cave where they were trapped, and the two 'dinosaurs' are wrestling with each other, the blond towheaded guy says, and I am pretty sure I got this right: "I brought the Atomic Bomb. I think this would be a good time to use it!"

So not only do the scientists nuke the island and kill everything on it for no good reason (the friggin dinosaurs never leave the island, and the party could have simply rowed away from the island and never seen the dinos again)...they set the timer for 30 MINUTES and trust they can get across the island ON FOOT past all the other dangerous wildlife, get into their rubber rafts, paddle them across the lake to the other shore and find shelter. In THIRTY FREAKING MINUTES!?!?

I realize this is just an excuse to try to inject some suspense into the ending, but for crying out loud! That timer clearly could have been for several hours, and the scientists could have STROLLED back, instead of running in a panic for their lives. (There is a hilarious shot in the rubber raft as they near shore where the towhead appears to be repeatedly shoving the blond lady back down on her face for no coherent reason.)

I feel bad for the four actors in this silly exercise in White Manifest Destiny. A couple of them went on the do a lot more work, but working on this thing must have seemed like a death-knell to their careers at the time. And if there was any justice, Bert Gordon wouldn't have had a career after this movie either.

1 star added to the deserved 'awful' rating for sheer goofiness, and also for the naiveté and optimism that permeates the film.

"King Dinosaur" takes place on a new planet that has entered our solar system. Four astronauts are sent from Earth to explore it. The plot is about what happens to them during this exploration. The science that the kids saw while watching this movie must make science teachers cringe. Everything about this new planet is laughable and the explorers are a joke. It's just like being in the woods on Earth. The monsters are ordinary earth animals and insects. Some are enlarged, some have fins or other things put on them to change their appearance and some are just the way they look on Earth. Throw in some stock footage and you have "King Dinosaur". The astronauts are more on a camping trip than investigating a new planet. The two men are macho and the two women scream a lot. The so called special effects were bad in 1955 and are just laughable today. The main attraction to this movie is the humor you can find in it. The only entertainment value I found with this film was seeing how naive the characters were and how badly done the dinosaurs were. Oddly enough, it is bad enough to make it worth watching. It's good for laughs and to see what was around in the 50s. I wouldn't count on much more.

I confess!

I liked this move when I first saw it.

(I was seven in 1955.)

As I recall, an asteroid had passed near the earth and made some stir in the news before this movie appeared. I suspected that was the inspiration of the plot.

(OK so THIS plot was NOT inspired in any way, shape or form. Waddaya gonna do, sue a seven year old kid?)

To a seven year old, an iguana propped up on its hind legs did a passable impersonation of a tyrannosaurus.

When I saw the movie again on MST3K, well, . . . . hey, I was seven and it was cool to me in the 1950s.

(Updt 19 Aug 2014: I found a copy of the 1957 World Book Annual Supplement (events of 1956) at the local book fair (the family 1955 World Book set w. supplements up to the 1960s was abandoned in a move in 1996). There it was: news of the near-earth asteroid Geographos discovered in 1951 named in 1956, predicted to pass 4 million miles from Earth in 1969. But barely 5 by 2 kilometers.)