Old Bones of the River

Old Bones Of The River which borrows liberally from Sanders Of The River, the film it satirizes finds Will Hay as a con man missionary going to take up the fabled white man's burden whether the natives want it or him. When the local colonial administrator succumbs to malaria, Hay becomes the man in charge even though he hasn't a clue what he's doing, no more than he did as a schoolteacher for the native kids. But it's a typical Will Hay character, blowhard to the extreme and if you don't what you're doing, fake it.

Second bananas Moore Marriott and Graham Moffatt are the captain and first mate of a tramp steamer, probably the African Queen before Humphrey Bogart took it over. Those two aren't much better at their jobs than Hay is with his. They find a baby abandoned in the bush and their attempts at caring for the toddler make those Three Godfathers look professional.

The final scene is these three doing a Beau Geste like last stand at the colonial fort which has been abandoned because of faulty instructions Hay gives in the first place. It works out better for them than it did for the Geste brothers.

In the Thirties there was a lot of sentiment growing for the United Kingdom to give up its colonial empire. The colonial service was a place to go for folks who couldn't get decent work in the mother country. It didn't always attract the best and brightest. More truth in this Will Hay comedy than some would care to admit. Interesting also that the location for this film is identified as the Gold Coast which became Ghana, the first area granted independence when the British started letting go of their colonies.

The film is a satire of some bad old days, but still fun.

"Old Bones of the River' is probably the least funny of movies made by Will Hay, Moore Marriott and Graham during the Thirties. Like most films made about Africa it crosses the line into racism a few times. Having said all of that, it is still a delightful movie. Will Hay manages to find himself in charge of 1500 untamed miles in the deepest and dark part of Africa. He is poorly assisted in his duties of collecting the taxes and maintaining the peace by two old African hands played by Moore Marriott and Graham Moffatt. The chemistry and bantering between these three English comic legends is worth the price of admission. It is a pot boiler that has enough in it to keep you watching.

Whilst this isn't quite up there with the likes if "Oh Mr Porter" and "Ask A Police Man", it still has a huge amount to offer. It is a little slow to start but as soon as the classic threesome of Hay, Moffatt and Marriott get going there is nothing stopping them. This is pure, inoffensive humour at its best. The scene in which they have to bath a baby is particuarly funny. I recommend this to all that love a good laugh.

Will Hay plays a professor in yet another one of his films. However, this is NOT like his other films in that it's set in colonial Africa and Professor Tibbetts (Hay) is there to educate the natives, though soon it becomes obvious he knows very little.

The timing of Tibbetts' arrival is bad, as the man in charge of the colony is Captain Hamilton and Hamilton soon succumbs to malaria...and the idiot Tibbetts appoints himself the interim leader! And, as leader, he decides to go up river with two other British morons, played by his frequent sidekicks, Moore Marriott and Graham Moffatt, to collect taxes. But the natives don't have money and soon their little steamboat is filled with goats and other 'taxes'.

When the trio arrive at one tribe, however, their timing is pretty bad as they've just had a revolt and their new leader is intent on overthrowing the white overlords. Can these three somehow prevent bloodshed or will they be the first on the chopping block?

Like so many 1930s and 40s films, this one has a resounding pro- colonialism slant. And, if you think about it, the audience SHOULD be rooting for the natives. After all, they are exercising self- determination! And, no doubt a few eyebrows will be raised today in this sort of colonial nonsense. Politically correct it isn't, though it could have been a lot worse and much more racist...not that this is a glowing endorsement!

Overall, this film is pretty much what you'd expect--and is very, very similar to the other Hay, Marriott and Moffatt films apart from the setting and rather heroic actions they take near the end. So, if you like this fast-talking comic, you'll enjoy...and if you don't...well...I have no idea.

I've got this in my records as being first broadcast on UK TV on 8th April 1985, and yet I don't think it was a lost film or that pc prejudices had held it up until then. I was slightly surprised at the content of the film and that the BBC showed it even then, and yet it still seems to appear regularly. The problems are that 1/ it isn't the 1930's anymore, with the British Empire still steaming ahead and 2/ imho the comic genius of Will Hay and the incomparable trio he made with Moore Marriott and Graham Moffat would have been better served by sticking them in an ordinary job complete with ridiculous situations back in Blighty. Why not have had them simply as canal boat operators and see where the plot took them instead of borrowing from Edgar Wallace?

The scene is set with the opening caption In Darkest Africa – Teaching the black man to play the white man, with the Western Brothers exhorting us all to Play The Game. Seedy quasi-missionary schoolmaster Hay arrives at a British outpost to help civilise the natives, unbeknownst to him bringing with him guns and booze (the white man's burden) that a returning educated native M'Bapi is smuggling in with which to foment trouble. His brother, chief Bosambo the Boot-Licker has a rather disparaging opinion of him! Hay & Co. get lumbered into collecting the native taxes, which lead to many hilarious scenes and classic quips (a lot centring on Hay's views of Harbottle's cleanliness), and eventually friction and war. Favourite bits: the sight of Jerry and Albert snuggled up and snoozing in the top bunk as a strong smell of goats permeates the cabin to wake up Hay below; the suspicions raised as to whether Hay had fathered a black baby; the expert repartee that makes this ultimately so worthwhile, unfortunately amidst many gags that would be considered either racist or racially patronising in todays perfect world.

Not quite a classic as were so many of Hay's films, but for fans still sparkling throughout. If you're not a fan or are too serious you may have a problem with this one!