- Old lady: My dear, when I was your age I could've married money. But instead I picked a very poor man whom I loved dearly. John and I have been married for 50 years, and day by day our love has bloomed into the most wonderful hatred. Next time I get hitched, it's for dough.
- Charlie: We'll slip him a Rooney.
- Louis Blore: A Rooney? What's that?
- Charlie: It's a high-powered Mickey.
- Ginny: Can't you see I love you and want you for the father of my children?
- Louis Blore: I didn't know you had any!
- Black Arrow: Be brave, my friend, you're dying for your country.
- Taliostra: Yeah, but I was born in the city!
- King Louis XV: Your Majesty, now, may I hang him?
- King Louis XV: Sure. No! What kind of a king do you think I am, anyway? We'll give him a fair trial. Then we'll hang him.
- King Louis XV: [singing] Tra-la-la-la-la-la-la-la you've come to wash my face!
- Maids: [singing in return] Tra-la-la-la-la-la-la-la we've come to wash your face!
- King Louis XV: What's the setup around here, am I really the King?
- Dauphin: Anyone who says you ain't, dies.
- Ginny: You never look at me like that.
- Louis Blore: You never look like tha!
- Ginny: Louis, if you're not doing anything after work, I'd like to take you home.
- Louis Blore: No. Not after last night.
- Alec Howe: You know, it's too bad May couldn't marry for love *and* money.
- Louis Blore: You mean sort of a double wedding?
- Louis Blore: Here's to I, May, and you - the eternal rectangle. If this was back in the glorious days of France, I would be King Louis, May would be Du Barry, and you would be one of the common folks - a peasant.
- Black Arrow: Du Barry! That jay! That jezebel! That spoiler of kings!
- Madame Du Barry: Isn't he wonderful?
- Black Arrow: Does she love the king? No! She loves rubies! So your children go hungry! She loves silks! So your wives go naked!
- Madame Du Barry: [dreamily] Look at his eyes.
- King Louis XV: For parading without a license each of you gets thirty days. For planning to knock me off, you get the guillotine.
- King Louis XV: Wait a minute, son, how old are you?
- Dauphin: 32.
- King Louis XV: Hey, that doesn't make sense! I'm only 28!
- Rami - the Swami: He is so charming, so debonair. He reminds me of that well-known actor. You know, the one who makes love to beautiful girls like Hedy Lamarr. You know who I mean: Hedy. My name is Pepe le Coco. And I come from the Kasbah, Hedy, the Kasbah. You know what is the Kasbah? It is right next to the delicatessen. Hedy, I love you, I adore you. I love your visage. I love your face. I love your eyes, and your lips and your hair, Hedy. Let me run through your hair barefoot. Hedy, I love you, I adore you. Look across the sea and what do you see? Paris and the white way, and the Rue de Montmartre, and the Champs-Élysées... Hedy. And this one thing, this one question, runs through my mind again and again. And it wants to know this one thing, this one question, this one thing. And my temples throb, and my... doesn't know what to say, my throat clenches tight and my heart beats faster and faster. Faster and faster beats my heart. And it wants to know this one thing, this one question, this one thing. Will you go with me to the high school prom?
- May Daly: Now, don't you worry about me. I'm not falling for anyone. Not until I see the whites of their checkbooks.
- Niagara: Don't you go passing up no golden opportunities like rich Mr. Willie. Opportunities like him just tap once, and gently.
- Louis Blore: Look, I don't mean to be chasing you, but I heard you say you wanted to be alone, so I figured you wouldn't mind if I walked with you.
- Ginny: [singing] Let's go back two thousand years or more, Perchance before Delilah, before Godiva, before Gypsy Rose Lee was a-li-va, Way, way back before they ever heard of Oomph Girls...
- Ginny: [singing] Salome was the grandma of them all, She had the stuff that makes your motor stall, This babe took Babylon by storm, And handed down that magic form-ula, That takes the wallflowers off the wall...
- King Louis XV: Say, who's King around here, anyway?
- Duc de Rigor: You are, Your Majesty.
- King Louis XV: You sure I ain't the Queen?
- Louis Blore: [singing] If Lana Turner doesn't set your brain awhirl, Then you don't love a lovely girl...
- King Louis XV: [singing] Now, pray thee tell me, pretty maids your duty to the throne
- Perfume Girl: After Your Grace has washed his face, We squirt you with cologne...
- The Pied Pipers, Member The Pied Pipers: [singing] The people asked her not to leave 'em
- Singer: 'Cause Haiti was in the groove
- The Pied Pipers, Member The Pied Pipers: In the groove
- Singer, The Pied Pipers, Member The Pied Pipers: So Katie stayed in Haiti Her life there, it was great!
- Member The Pied Pipers: [singing] Katie went to Haiti, Katie heard a band
- The Pied Pipers, Member The Pied Pipers: Swing wide, please
- Member The Pied Pipers: She cried
- The Pied Pipers, Member The Pied Pipers: "Hot potato, hey!"
- Singer: Jackson, this is grand
- The Pied Pipers, Member The Pied Pipers: Katie liked the band, Thought she'd found the promised land
- Singer: After a week in Haiti, The island began to thrive
- The Pied Pipers, Member The Pied Pipers: Like a beehive
- Singer: Katie showed each local lady
- The Pied Pipers, Member The Pied Pipers: Quickly just how to make with the jive...
- King Louis XV: Tell me, have I got a girl?
- Dauphin: Have you got a - are you kidding, Pop? First there was Madam Pompadour.
- [wink]
- Dauphin: Then, the Duchess de Chateauroux.
- [wink]
- Dauphin: And then Countess Jailbait.
- [wink]
- King Louis XV: Hey, where'd you get all those beautiful girls?
- Dauphin: You give them to me for Christmas, and all the time I wanted a pony.
- King Louis XV: if you're married, why are you chasing around those girls?
- Dauphin: Because I want to be like you, Pop.