- Professor Olivier: In Switzerland they have a very peculiar law. When a husband shoots his wife, they put him in jail.
- Adolph: You have a right to be wrong. You're a woman. Women are born to be wrong. I like my women wrong!
- Mitzi Olivier: I'll be waiting in a taxi on the next corner. Five minutes.
- Dr. Andre Bertier: Impossible.
- Mitzi Olivier: Ten minutes.
- Dr. Andre Bertier: Ridiculous.
- Mitzi Olivier: All right, fifteen minutes.
- Dr. Andre Bertier: Positively maybe.
- Henri Dornier - Private Detective: [to Professor Olivier] Professor, speaking detectively, you're as good as divorced right now.
- Policeman in the Park: Come on. Come on. Where do you think you are? What are you doing? What's going on here?
- Dr. Andre Bertier: The French Revolution.
- Policeman in the Park: Hey! You can't make love in public.
- Dr. Andre Bertier: I can make love anywhere.
- Policeman in the Park: No, you can't!
- Colette Bertier: Oh, but, Officer, he can.
- Dr. Andre Bertier: Darling!
- Colette Bertier: [singing] It's legal!
- Dr. Andre Bertier: It's swell.
- Colette Bertier: We don't have to hide in a secret rendezvous.
- Dr. Andre Bertier: In the best hotel we could get a suite for two.
- Colette Bertier: But it's not a sin!
- Dr. Andre Bertier: And it's full of spice.
- Colette Bertier: But it's lawful!
- Dr. Andre Bertier: And it's awful nice.
- Dr. Andre Bertier, Colette Bertier: What a little thing like a wedding ring can do...
- Colette Bertier: Darllng!
- Dr. Andre Bertier: That's for me. Sweetheart. That's for her. I'll be with you in a minute. That's for both of us. Vlve la France!
- [first lines]
- Le commissaire de police: Now listen, men. Spring is here and spring is a dangerous time of the year, especially in Paris. The wanderlust is in the air. Travelers are coming here from everywhere - from Cincinnati and Singapore. Now, what do they come for?
- Parisian Policemen: We know!
- Le commissaire de police: That's right! Chicago packers don't come here for a plate of cold cuts. Big planters don't come from Brazil - just for nuts. From Norway and Sweden, they don't come here to fish. But whether they come from Amsterdam or Birmingham or Siam - we let them do whatever they wish. We let them play in any way - as long as they're willing to pay.
- Parisian Policemen: That's okay!
- Le commissaire de police: But spring is here. And after dark, our cafés are empty. But every park has standing room only every night. Now that's wrong.
- Parisian Policemen: That's right!
- Dr. Andre Bertier: [singing] I can squeeze you here, I can squeeze you there, And I'm never told to handle with care, I don't have to stop when I kiss your hand.
- Colette Bertier: It's lawful!
- Dr. Andre Bertier: Oh, it's grand...
- Dr. Andre Bertier: Madame, I don't believe in making plans.
- Mitzi Olivier: Neither do I, monsieur. I leave everything to the moment.
- Dr. Andre Bertier: It's a very good place to live in.
- Mitzi Olivier: Tell me. Do you see anything wrong in us being alone together in this cab?
- Dr. Andre Bertier: Absolutely not.
- Mitzi Olivier: Neither do I. Two strange people of opposite sex, riding in a cab, sitting side by side.
- Colette Bertier: You don't sound so happy.
- Mitzi Olivier: Unless you're well mated, this business of marriage is much overrated.
- Dr. Andre Bertier: [singing] If I have to examine you, let me see your tongue.
- Mitzi Olivier: No, that's not the way to start, Put your head against my heart...
- Colette Bertier: [singing] While we love and laugh I go half and half with you.
- Dr. Andre Bertier: And we share delight that we're both entitled to.
- Colette Bertier: What is mine is yours. What is yours is mine.
- Dr. Andre Bertier: And It's lawful!
- Colette Bertier: And It's just divine...
- Mitzi Olivier: Darling, I'm not feeling very well.
- Professor Olivier: Why should you?
- Dr. Andre Bertier: Oh, no, Professor. Madame is in a very serious condition.
- Professor Olivier: Why - why shouldn't she be? Conditions are bad everywhere.
- Colette Bertier: Oh, Mitzi, my darling. How have you been? I haven't seen you since that day in Lausanne.
- Mitzi Olivier: I've so much to tell you I can hardly begin. But weren't we happy and gay in Lausanne?
- Colette Bertier: You look just as smart and as stunning as then.
- Mitzi Olivier: Oh, I'm much wiser, though, thanks to several men.
- Colette Bertier: Oh, how's the composer you went with so much?
- Mitzi Olivier: He's gone, but he had such a wonderful touch.
- Colette Bertier: And the painter who painted you all draped in gauze?
- Mitzi Olivier: One night I found out what an artist he was.
- Colette Bertier: As for Andre and me; well, he's just too ideal. He sets me atingle. I set him aflame.
- Dr. Andre Bertier: I don't want to mix "musiness" with Bitzi. Business with Mitzi. Oh, Mitzi, Kitzi, Bitzi!
- Adolph: How does the moon affect you? It turns me inside out and upside down. I tell you, if I didn't have such a splendid education, I'd - I'd yield to the animal in me.
- Adolph: [singing] How I'd enjoy, One hour with you.
- Colette Bertier: You silly boy, Just what will you do?
- Adolph: Leave that to me.
- Colette Bertier: Now I see, what champagne will do.
- Adolph: No, no, Honestly I'm tipsy for you...
- Colette Bertier: Let's be happy. Let's be gay. Come on. Let's drink and be merry. Let's have a good time.
- Adolph: I admit I come of a very fine family. Well, should a refined gentleman not have any luck? Does one have to be a roughneck to get along in the world?
- Mitzi Olivier: There she is. Look at that dress.
- Colette Bertier: Terrible.
- Mitzi Olivier: Ghastly! And look at the way she wears her hair.
- Colette Bertier: Bleached!
- Colette Bertier: [on the phone] Oh, Madame Rodevska. Yes. Yes, I see. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. How interesting. What? You're wearing a red dress? Very décolleté. Practically no back? No stockings at all? But you're coming? That's fine.
- Colette Bertier: How are you? I'm so glad to see you. You look perfectly stunning.
- Mademoiselle Martel: Do you really think so?
- Colette Bertier: Oh, gorgeous. I'm simply crazy about that dress. And you're looking so well too. You must have gained!
- Colette Bertier: [on the phone] Yes. Yes, thank you. I'm fine. Yes, thank you. He's fine. Good-b - What? Oh, you're fine too? That's fine.
- Dr. Andre Bertier: [singing] It was late and she was lonely, And she begged for sympathy only, Now I ask you what would you do, In a case like that, If her head was on your shoulder, And she grew a little bit bolder, Oh, I ask you what would you do, With a girl like that...
- Adolph: Sorrow makes you look even more beautiful.
- Colette Bertier: Thank you, Adolph.
- Adolph: More feminine. Younger!
- Colette Bertier: I'm in no position to forgive you. You think you were bad? No. You were just a naughty little boy. Look at me. I'm the one that's bad. You think you're a Don Juan, eh? Well, if you're a Don Juan, then I'm a Cleopatra.
- Colette Bertier: Adolph - then didn't you take me in your arms and kiss me? And didn't we sit on the couch, and didn't you kiss me again? And didn't I like it?
- Adolph: I guess so.
- Colette Bertier: Answer yes or no!
- Adolph: Yes.
- Colette Bertier: Well, Doctor? We're even. A tooth for a tooth, an eye for an eye, an Adolph for a Mitzi. Fifty-fifty!
- Dr. Andre Bertier: [singing] Come on, be honest, mister, If you saw her turn the light out, Would you get your hat and get right out, Now I ask you what would you do, That's what I did too...
- Dr. Andre Bertier: If I wanted to start something with Mademoiselle Martel would I do it here? Couldn't I call her to my office?
- Colette Bertier: So, that's what goes on in your office!
- Dr. Andre Bertier: Darling, we have been married for three years.
- Colette Bertier: And for three years, you've gone to your office every day!